


Needs of the Many

by Safaia



Series: My Empire of Dirt [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Canonical Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized period-typical homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo 2020, Temporary Character Death, Torture, Violence, no beta we die like the old guard, not historically accurate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 81,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27420775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Safaia/pseuds/Safaia
Summary: “A fine justification. I’ve heard it so many times before” were the words Nicky spoke, and they were words he had heard so many times. From Kings claiming that the world would be better if they ruled to murders justifying the mass slaughter of people, evil will use the concept of the greater good as justification for their own horrific actions. While The Old Guard had seen that play out throughout history, this wasn't even the first time someone justified hurting them in the name of the greater good.[5 times someone used changing the world or the greater good as a justification to hurt The Old Guard]
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: My Empire of Dirt [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114718
Comments: 50
Kudos: 195





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, hello there, and welcome to my NaNoWriMo fic for 2020! I've been excited to get started on this one for a while now. The plan is to have most if not the entire fic done by the end of the month, if not sooner. At the moment, it's looking to be around 5 to 6 parts depending on whether I do the "the one time they didn't" part of these five times fics. At the moment, I'm going to label it six parts, but that might change. I have a little more outlining to do. We're going to be mostly switching between Joe and Nicky's POV's. This fic won't be historically accurate because if I went down that road, I'd spent the next year or so outlining this thing, and I don't want to do that. We're talking about people that don't die here, so just roll with it. Comments and kudos mean the world and then some to me as I go through this mass writing journey, and I very much hope you enjoy this giant bucket of angst.

“Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” - Spock, ‘Wrath of Khan’

The dreams started before Nicolo even considered joining the priesthood. As the third son of a second wife, he didn't have any claims to his father's estate, and his father wasn't high enough of nobility for his hand to be worth anything. Nicolo was a teenager and wondering what he was supposed to do with his life the first time he dreamed about the man in the east. There was sand and desert all around him and a man not much older than him moving throughout the world. He didn't know this man or his face, but somehow it seemed important but made him nervous. It was the first time Nicolo looked at a man and thought he was beautiful, which was something that set his teeth on edge. It was wrong and not the things he was supposed to be thinking. 

The next morning he told his father that he wanted to join the priesthood when he came of age, and Nicolo never forgot the way his father looked relieved as if this was the best possible decision for all of them. No one else seemed to have an opinion on the matter, and Nicolo took his vows as soon as he could. His father was never a cruel man, but he looked at Nicolo like he knew something was wrong, and all he wanted was an excuse to make him go away. Nicolo didn't mind leaving because even the priesthood felt more like a purpose than the cold home he left behind. None of his siblings cared; his mother dismissed him, his father looked relieved, and Nicolo left without looking back. He hoped that committing himself to God would mean the persistent dream would go away. 

That was not the case, not even a little, and the dreams continued. They were opaque and strange, and he didn't know what to do with them. As Nicolo got older, the man in his dreams got older, and he began to wonder if this was a person that actually existed. There were too many details that didn't make sense, like how he knew he was seeing the Holy Lands, yet there was no proof of that. The way he almost understood this language despite never speaking a word of it himself. As the dreams continued, Nicolo began to write things that he heard down, and he didn't know why. The words didn't make sense to him, but the more he dreamed, the more they started to. He was good at reading people and understanding context cues, and as the years went on, he learned some basic things that this man in his dreams was saying.

Nicolo also learned that he was dreaming about a heretic, which was strange when he realized it. The Pope sometimes spoke about the Holy Lands being in the hands of the heretics and how dangerous and demonic they were, but Nicolo wasn't so sure about that. The man he saw in his dreams didn't look demonic; he looked like a man going about his life. His customs were different and strange, and Nicolo didn't understand them, but sometimes he wondered if that made them wrong. The Pope spoke the word of God, though, and Nicolo tried to push the man from his dreams away. His own mind must be playing tricks on him, and he tried to ignore the words and sights he saw in his dreams as much as possible. It made him feel unclean, yet he couldn't bring himself to say the words when he went to confession. 

There was talk that the Pope was going to ask them to liberate the Holy Land from the heretics. Most of the priests didn't have much in the way of training with weapons, but Nicolo was the son of the minor nobility. He grew up with a weapon in his hand, and the other priests would ask him what it felt like to hold a sword. Nicolo didn't know what to say to them or how to tell them that being able to hold the sword and swing it properly didn't mean that they knew what they were doing. If anything, a sword wasn't going to save them in war, but Nicolo didn't have it in himself to tell these men otherwise. They knew the call was coming, and it was going to be a war that they were going to win because they were right, and the heretics were wrong.

The dreams continued, and the man didn't go away. Nicolo didn't know why this man haunted him, and he didn't know why it bothered him so much, but sometimes he swore that the man was looking back at him. That they were standing in the dreams and staring at each other like they could somehow see each other. It was strange and made Nicolo want to stop sleeping. These dreams, this man, they haunted him, and he couldn't let them distract him. The Pope had officially called them to fight in the Crusades to liberate the Holy Land, and Nicolo had a sword placed in his hand for the first time since he became a priest. He was going to war, and he prayed to God that the dreams would finally stop. He needed peace to do God's work. 

+++

The dreams did not go away, but they did get less clear, which was a little confusing. He was going to the place in his dreams, and for some reason, he thought they would get clearer, but instead, it was just harder to look. The man's face seemed to blur in his mind, and the dreams were silent. Nicolo also had to admit that he was sleeping a lot less because he didn't want to see that face. He didn't want to think about the man he'd been dreaming about for so long and how he didn't seem like a man that deserved to die. The very idea that he was contemplating that felt like an insult to God that Nicolo didn't know how to deal with. They were going to liberate the Holy Land from the heretics, and the Pope would not steer them wrong. This was the mission, this was the right thing to do, and Nicolo refused to think of it any other way. 

His fellow priests and countrymen seemed to be taking to the idea of war better than he thought they would but in a way that made him uneasy. Nicolo survived his first battle with minor wounds, but he watched as his fellow priests slaughtered these people without hesitation. There were no prisoners in this war, and men that were left wounded and abandoned on the battlefield were killed. If they came across villages, they would kill every man, woman, and child that was there with the orders that these people were evil and made to be eradicated. Nicolo did his best to avoid the raids on the villages but would walk through the bodies afterward. Some of the men had war in their blood now, and they weren't acting like Godly men anymore. 

Nicolo didn't know how to stop his countrymen from the killing and the raping, and they looked at him like they didn't understand when he refused to be part of it. These men were on the same Holy Mission that he was, and that meant they weren't doing anything wrong. So why did Nicolo feel the need to hold his hands to the Heavens and pray for His forgiveness after the bloodshed? Why did it feel wrong to look away when his men killed people that were begging for their lives? They were doing the right thing here, they were liberating these lands from evil people, yet they bled and died and rotted in the sun the same way that all men did. 

The fighting continued as they pushed toward the Holy City and Nicolo tried not to enjoy the fighting, but the war was getting to him the same way it was getting to the rest of the men. While they became carnal, he became vicious, and some of the men said he looked like an avenging angel out on the battlefield. Nicolo tried to wave that off, but more people were looking at him now like he was the one who was going to win this war. Nicolo kept his head down and tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. They would liberate the city, and then this would be done. He could say that he served God and did His deeds, and he would be forgiven for these sins. 

The dreams didn't stop, and the man continued to appear, and Nicolo was more and more convinced that this was a man that existed. This man was fighting on behalf of the heretics, and in his dreams, Nicolo had to watch his countrymen die. This heretic would bare his teeth in battle as he slit throats and left gutted men to die in the dirt. It made Nicolo even angrier, and it made him want to push forward. This man who was a silent blur in his mind, there was no doubt that he was real, and these dreams must be signs from God. There was no other explanation for why Nicolo would see the same man over and over again. This was God telling him that this man needed to die by Nicolo's hand, and he would see it done. The man was a blur, and once again, Nicolo felt like he was being watched despite not seeing this man's face for years.

The city of Antioch was in front of them, and it was the next step they needed to win this war, and it was a city that Nicolo recognized. The man from his dreams was in this city, he was defending it, and they would meet on the battlefield tomorrow. Nicolo didn't want to sleep and refused to. He didn't want this man to know that Nicolo was waiting for him and that these visions from God had led him here. This was the end of this, and Nicolo prayed that he would end this man's life, so these visions could some plaguing him. He swore to do what God was asking him, and then he swore that he would take the city and any other city that they needed to win. Nicolo clenched his sword tight enough that it was digging into his palm, and he watched the sunrise. 

+++

The battle was just like every other battle, full of death and blood and shit and men rotting in the sun. His countrymen were fighting, but they were also tired and hungry, and some of them were losing faith. Nicolo could tell within the first few minutes of the fight that they weren't going to win, but if he was going to die in this place, then he was going to die fighting. He was an instrument of God, and if that meant his time in this world was done, then so be it as long as he did what he was supposed to do. He killed and tried not to think about the blood on his hands or the wounds on his body. Nicolo looked up, and it was like everything around him slowed down for a moment. The man from his dreams was staring at him from across the battlefield. Deep down, Nicolo always knew that his dreams were of a living person, but the proof was standing right in front of him with a sword in his hand and blood on his clothing. The blood of Nicolo's men, and he would not stand for that. 

One moment they were staring at each other and the next they were fighting. Their styles were very different, and they were both talented with a blade, but it was like any move that Nicolo made, this man could see it. Nicolo had seen him fight in the dreams, so he knew how this man moved, but it was also like this man knew how Nicolo moved too. They fought and fought, occasionally slicing each other's skin but never enough to kill, until they were both barely standing as they stared at each other. Nicolo knew he needed to end this, or he wasn't going to make it. He pivoted right and stabbed the man that had haunted him between his armor and into the soft flesh of his stomach. The man stumbled once but managed to put his own blade into Nicolo's ribs. They were tied together, and they stared like they couldn't believe this was happening. 

Nicolo stumbled back, and his sword fell from his hand after it left the body of his enemy. He tried to stop the bleeding, but he could already taste it on his tongue. Nicolo already felt like he was drowning, and he never thought dying would hurt so much. He had hoped that it would be quick, but apparently, he was going to bleed out in the dirt. Nicolo fell to the ground just as the man from his dream fell as well. They were staring at each other as they died, and Nicolo tried to find peace that at least he had taken this man with him. If he was going to die, then at least this ghost was gone for good. Nicolo closed his eyes and breathed his last as he prayed for God to welcome him. 

One moment he was bleeding out in the dirt, and the next, Nicolo was gasping for breath, and the pain was gone. He blinked and realized that some time had passed, and there was silence around him. There was the stink of death everywhere and no sign of the enemy or his men around him. Nicolo reached down and touched the place where he'd been stabbed, but the skin was smooth, and there wasn't even a scar. The blood wasn't even completely dry on his clothes, but the wound was gone. He sat up and looked around just in time to see the man that had killed him sit up and touch his chest where Nicolo had killed him. He, too, appeared to be uninjured, healed, alive, and that made no sense. The man looked over at him, and they once again stared at one another. A beat passed, and they were both scrambling for their blades again. 

The man was a little faster, and this time he slit Nicolo's throat before he was able to kill him. The man said something that Nicolo didn't understand as the world faded around him, and blood poured from the wound. It felt like only a moment passed before he was gasping awake, and he looked around. The man was gone, he was alone, but the gates to the city were shut. They wouldn't risk opening it for one lone soldier, and Nicolo refused to let this man get the better of him. This heretic needed to die by his hand; there was no other explanation for why Nicolo kept coming back healed. He found the man an hour later and all but gutted him. Nicolo watched him die and prayed that this was the end. 

It was not the end, and over the course of the next several days, they placed some sort of sick game where they would chase each other around, finding more and more creative ways of killing each other. They no longer faced off with swords in their hands, but now Nicolo had no problems strangling him, bashing the man's head in with a rock, breaking his neck, and every time he fell, Nicolo prayed for him to stay down, and every time he got back up. Every time Nicolo died, he thought he heard the same words from the man. He lost count as to how many times they killed each other, and this time, much like the first, they were both bleeding out. Nicolo looked back at the man in his dreams, and he looked at him. Nicolo was tired, he was so tired, and the man from his dreams looked just as tired. It was like they were having a conversation without words, and Nicolo died wondering what would happen if they woke up again. 

He gasped awake and stared at the sky above him. The sun was setting, and it was going to be the middle of the night soon. Nicolo heard the man from his dreams gasp awake as well, but neither of them reached for a blade to try and kill the other again. They both just laid in the dirt, surrounded by blood, and stared at the sky. Nicolo looked over at the man, and he stared back. It was like the first time they died, only this time they were awake and healed and fine, and neither of them was moving to kill the other. Nicolo was thirsty, hungry, and so tired, and the idea of trying to kill this man again was not something he wanted to do. The man blinked and pointed to himself. 

"Yusuf," he said, and for some reason, the idea of the man from his dreams having a name surprised Nicolo more than anything. He swallowed and tried to find his voice. 

"Nicolo," he replied. Neither of them said a word as they laid there side by side until the sun was down. Nicolo glanced over at Yusuf, who looked back at him, and they both carefully sat up. Neither of them reached for their swords, and they got to their feet. Yusuf frowned and spoke in his language that Nicolo only understood a few words. Nicolo shook his head and tried his own language, but Yusuf looked just as confused about that. So they couldn't understand each other; that was a problem. 

"Fire?" Yusuf said in terrible Greek. Nicolo understood and spoke a little Greek, and it seemed that Yusuf did the same. 

"Fire and food," Nicolo replied, and Yusuf looked a little relieved. They both wandered off as Nicolo tried to find them something to eat. There wasn't much nearby, but he did find some firewood. When he got back to where the swords were, Yusuf also seemed to have found some wood. Nicolo dumped his on the ground, and Yusuf nodded. It took a moment, but Yusuf managed to get a fire going, and it was nice to be warm for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. Nicolo dug through his pack and found some dried meat and a single piece of bread. Yusuf appeared to be doing the same and pulled out a canteen that sounded like it had water in it. They both looked at each other's supplies and had another wordless conversation. Nicolo shared the little food he had while Yusuf shared the water. It wasn't much, but Nicolo felt more human than he had in weeks once they had eaten. 

"You, my dream," Yusuf said, and Nicolo felt his blood run cold. He always thought that it felt like someone was looking back at him in his dreams, but he never thought that it was true. He swallowed and looked at Yusuf. 

"You saw me, dream?" Nicolo managed to say, and Yusuf nodded. Nicolo nodded and gestured to himself. Yusuf's eyes widened as he came to the same realization that Nicolo did; they had spent the last several years dreaming about each other. 

"No fight," Yusuf said. 

"Yes, no fight," Nicolo replied, and he offered his hand. Yusuf looked at it for a moment and eventually shook his head carefully. They had an accord that they weren't going to fight anymore. Nicolo didn't know what that meant for either of them, but at least he knew that Yusuf wasn't going to slit his throat while he slept. The exhaustion, the food, and everything caught up with him, and Nicolo got as close to the fire as he could and closed his eyes. In the back of his mind, he knew he shouldn't be sleeping next to the man that had killed him so many times, but Nicolo didn't really care anymore. He couldn't die, neither could Yusuf, so there wasn't any point to trying to kill each other. Nicolo slept to the sound of the fire crackling and Yusuf's even breathing. It was peaceful. 

+++

For the next three days, they traveled together and did their best to communicate despite the language differences. They both knew enough Greek to talk in very basic sentences, and Nicolo knew a little of Yusuf's language from the dreams and vice versa. Eventually, they settled on a hybrid of the three that they could both more or less understand though Nicolo was sure that no one else in the world could. It didn't really matter because they spent time learning new things about each other. 

Yusuf was the son of a merchant who took up his sword when the invaders, Nicolo, started attacking. It was strange to hear about the war from the perspective of the man that was supposed to be his enemy, and the first few times they talked about it, they both avoided the subject. Yusuf was clearly still angry about the entire thing, and Nicolo had no idea how he felt about it. It was harder to see Yusuf and his kin as evil when he was just another man. He prayed differently, but he still prayed, and there were more similarities than differences. Nicolo often thought about those differences and how they impacted how he looked at this man. Yusuf never brought any of it up, and Nicolo was not in any way ready to talk about it. 

There was also the fact that neither of them went back to their respective armies. Instead, there was this unspoken bond between them as they were both unable to die, and it seemed like something that they should probably stick together for. If nothing else, Nicolo couldn't imagine traveling with someone who didn't know and seeing their reaction when he came back to life if the worst should happen. The worst did happen a week into their traveling when a group of bandits attacked them. The men smirked as they were surrounded, and Yusuf was snapping at them in Arabic, and Nicolo could only pick up a few words. They were gesturing to him, and Nicolo could only assume that he was the main problem here. 

"If I surrender, will they let you go?" Nicolo asked, using only Greek and the few words in Genovian that Yusuf knew. 

"What? What are you talking about?" Yusuf asked. 

"I'm the enemy; if I surrender, will they let you walk away from this?" Nicolo asked again, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yusuf scowl. 

"We don't do that," he snapped. The bandits had clearly had enough and attacked them. For the first time, Nicolo got to see Yusuf fight without being on the receiving end of it, and it was rather beautiful. He moved so differently from the way Nicolo was taught, and it was strangely distracting. One of the bandits sliced Nicolo's arm, and he needed to pay attention to what was happening around him. There were ten bandits total, and against two men Yusuf and Nicolo didn't stand much of a chance. There was the sound of someone gasping around a slit throat, and Nicolo bared his teeth as Yusuf fell into the dirt. He was about to kill these men for attacking Yusuf when a blade went through his back. Nicolo stumbled when the blade was ripped from his skin, and the bandits laughed at him as he died. They said the word "revenge," and Nicolo closed his eyes. 

So far, he and Yusuf had only died by each other's hands, and Nicolo was unsure whether or not they would wake up if they died from wounds inflicted by someone else. For some reason, the idea that he wanted Yusuf to be the last thing he saw was important, and he managed to meet Yusuf's eyes from across the clearing. The bandits were going through their packs and dumping out the small number of things they both carried, but they wouldn't find much. Nicolo just hoped they would leave the swords so they would still have weapons when they came back. He watched Yusuf die, and Nicolo closed his eyes and embraced oblivion, wondering if this was the moment he would greet God and how he felt about the idea that Yusuf wouldn't be standing there with him. 

It seemed that oblivion had other ideas for him as Nicolo gasped back to life. The wound on his back was still healing, he could feel the skin knitting back together, and he looked over at Yusuf, who was also back and holding his hand to the wound on his neck. The bandits were close, Nicolo could hear them talking still, and they seemed to be coming back and healing faster. It seemed that blows from other people were not going to be the thing that killed each other. Nicolo forced himself to his feet and held out a hand to Yusuf to help him up as well. They both looked in the direction of the bandits and nodded to one another. Nicolo had a knife hidden in his boot while Yusuf had a dagger hidden in his clothes. They stalked forward, determined to get their belongings back. 

The bandits screamed when they both emerged from the darkness, covered in blood, furious and alive, and they tried to fight back. Apparently, the sight of the two men they just killed very much alive and coming to kill them was enough to make them sloppy. There was more blood on his clothes and on his hands when the rest of the bandits were dead. Nicolo looked at Yusuf, who was also covered in blood and breathing hard. They didn't say a word to each other; they just stared for a moment until whatever was happening between them broke, and they began to strip the bodies for anything useful. 

It took a bit of mixing and matching to find enough blood-free clothing for both of them, but Nicolo knew that the bright red cross was far too obvious at the end of the day. Things like this would keep happening unless they did something about it, so they both changed into much more casual clothing, stole the supplies and the extra weapons, and moved the bodies to a small alcove so people wouldn't see them right away. They began to walk west, and Nicolo didn't know where they were going only that they were both walking away. 

"Is there anyone waiting for you?" he asked after a long period of silence.

"My father and mother are dead, my brother was on the battlefield, and I haven't seen my sisters in a very long time," Yusuf replied, and he hesitated. "I had a wife, but she got sick and died less than a year after we were married." Nicolo wanted to say that he was sorry, but that didn't seem to be enough since there was a good chance that one of his countrymen was the one who killed Yusuf's brother. "What about you?" 

"My family is alive, but they were happy when I became a priest. I'm a third son, so even if I went back, there isn't anything waiting for me back there," Nicolo replied. They both continued to walk until they found an abandoned farm. There was the smell of fresh bodies rotting in the sun nearby, and when they walked around to the back of the building, a woman was lying dead with her two children. They had been dead at least a day, and the elements were beginning to claim her body. 

"I'm no one special," Yusuf said as he looked at the body in front of him. "And it sounds like you would have been forgotten to the pages of history the same as I, so why us? Why can't we die?" 

"I don't know," Nicolo said softly, and he closed his eyes to say a brief prayer for the woman and her children. They didn't deserve this, and he could only assume it was his countrymen that did this. Yusuf stared at the bodies for a moment until he walked over to the barn and returned with two shovels. He wordlessly handed one to Nicolo, and the two of them spent the hot afternoon burying the bodies. For a moment, Nicolo thought about setting up a marker, but he didn't want to insult these people in death by putting the mark of his God on these people. They stared at the graves until the persistent feeling of hunger and thirst became too much. They walked into the house to see if there was anything left. 

There was a little food but not much, and there was a well around the side of the farm that had clean water in it. They wordlessly moved around each other as they prepared the food and got everything ready. Nicolo was far more thirsty than hungry, and he drank as much water as he could until he started to feel sick. They sat together in the farmhouse, and neither of them seemed to know what to say to each other. 

"Why are you here?" Yusuf asked. 

"Where else would I be?" Nicolo replied because he didn't understand what Yusuf meant. 

"No, why are you and your men here? Why did you come here and try to kill us?" Yusuf said, and Nicolo swallowed a lump in his throat. 

"We were told this was a mission by God to liberate the Holy Lands from the heretics. The pope told us that, and the pope speaks directly to God, so we came," he replied. Yusuf stared at him and narrowed his eyes. 

"Your pope speaks to God, and you come here to take the Holy Lands back from the people who live there," Yusuf said. "Did your pope also say that you were to rape, murder, raid, and pillage while you were on the way? Did your pope tell you to kill mothers and children who could do nothing to defend themselves? Tell me, Nicolo, how many villages have you plundered, and how many women have you taken?" 

"I took no one," Nicolo snapped. "I did not kill innocents the way the men around me did. I harmed no woman and no child." 

"But you did nothing to stop the ones that did." Yusuf was nearly yelling now, and he looked lividly angry. Nicolo didn't have a defense of that because it was true. He turned a blind eye to the horrors the men around him were committing and thought himself pure because he didn't partake. He had no words that would absolve him and no words that would bring comfort to Yusuf either, so he said nothing. Yusuf glared at him and shook his head. "You are just as bad as the rest of them. You slaughtered my countrymen in the name of a mission you were told righteous." Yusuf rolled over and appeared to be going to sleep for the night. Nicolo stared at him, trying to come to terms with what was said, but couldn't. It was dark, and they needed to leave earlier rather than later. He closed his eyes and slept. 

+++

The sun streaming in through the window woke Nicolo from sleep, and he looked around the small farmhouse. It was quiet, and Yusuf was nowhere to be seen. Nicolo's supplies were right where he left them, but all of Yusuf's things appeared to be gone. He looked around the small home to see if maybe he was wrong, but he was alone. Yusuf had apparently decided that it would be best on his own than it would be to travel with him. Nicolo sighed, gathered his things, and walked out of the farmhouse. There wasn't anywhere else to go but west, and he just followed the sun to know which direction he needed to be going. 

It was strange to miss a man that he barely knew, but Yusuf was someone that Nicolo thought was fascinating. He felt a bond with him, unlike one that he had ever felt with another person before. Now that Yusuf was gone, it felt like there was a hole in his chest, and he didn't know how to make it go away. They were bound by this strange occurrence where they couldn't die, and that seemed like reason enough to travel together. He thought maybe they could figure all of this out together, but that wasn't the case. 

Nicolo knew that he couldn't atone for the sins that he watched the men around him commit. He was so sure of this war for a long time despite the dreams showing him that Yusuf and his people were just people that practiced their faith differently. He wanted to hate them all because it made it easier to slaughter them on the battlefield and to turn a blind eye to the things the men in his unit were doing. He was guilty, but if he went to a priest to confess, they would tell him he did nothing wrong, and that felt worse than having no one to confess to. 

He walked alone for what felt like a long time and settled into a small group of trees to rest for the afternoon. Nicolo was half asleep when he heard someone moving behind him. He was on his feet in seconds, sword in hand, and he was surprised not only to see a crusader but a face that he recognized. 

"Nicolo," Marco said breathlessly. He was one of the younger men that Nicolo had fought with and someone that he was sure had died outside of Antioch. He had a crossbow in hand, but it looked like he was shaking. 

"Marco," Nicolo said as he put his sword again. This man was an ally, so he had no reason to fear him. "I'm glad to see that you survived." 

"But you didn't," Marco said, and his voice was wavering. "I saw you fall on the battlefield. I saw you die; how are you walking?" 

"You must have seen me stumble," Nicolo lied. "As you can see, I didn't die. I'm standing right in front of you." 

"I saw you," Marco repeated, and his hand was on the trigger of the crossbow now. Nicolo slowly raised his hand in surrender because Marco was pale and shaking and looking like he just saw a ghost. "I saw you take a sword to the gut and fall. I checked your body before I fled, and you were dead. I saw you die. Even if you somehow survived a wound like that would leave you unable to move and yet you're standing before me like you're in no pain. How is that possible? How is any of this possible?" 

"Marco, you're speaking nonsense," Nicolo said. He knew the crossbow wouldn't kill him, but he wasn't sure what would happen if the bolt was left in his body. Would he heal around it? Would it keep him from coming back? There were so many things about this ability he had that Nicolo didn't understand. "Men don't come back from the dead." 

"You were dead! I am sure of it!" Marco screamed, and when Nicolo took a step forward to try and calm the young man, he raised his crossbow. "You're wearing the clothes of the enemy, you put on their clothing, and you walk away from the battle. Have you betrayed us, Nicolo? Have you become one of them, and that's why you're able to come back? You're one of their demons? What are you?" 

"Marco, I--" Nicolo said, and he made the mistake of stepping forward again. Marco fired the crossbow, and Nicolo grunted as it hit him in the best. He stumbled and looked at the young man he once counted as an ally. There was hot blood on Nicolo's tongue, and he stumbled to the ground. Marco stood over him with wide eyes, and there was a madness in them. He knew that the war was doing things to the men, yet as he died, he looked up into that madness; he knew that Marco wasn't going to leave him here in the dirt. He was staring at Nicolo like he was a demon, a miracle, and nothing good came from a man believing those things. Nicolo coughed up some blood and let the darkness take him. As he died, he hoped that Yusuf was safe and far away from the men he once considered allies. 

+++

There were flashes where Nicolo thought he was coming back, and then he would instantly die again. It took one or two times before he realized that it was because someone had just left the bolt in his chest. There were voices around him, but he was never alive long enough to understand what they meant or what they were saying. The world went dark again, and Nicolo thought that maybe this was the chance he had to die. Maybe now he was going to greet God and ask him why Yusuf and his people needed to die. Maybe he could throw himself before Jesus and ask for forgiveness for letting so many terrible things happen around him. The guilt hurt more than the bolt in his chest, and Nicolo just wanted a chance for forgiveness. 

The next time he gasped away, Nicolo could breathe again, so someone must have removed the bolt from his chest. It took a moment for the world to come back into focus, but he realized that he was lying on the ground, and someone had tied his hands and his feet together. Nicolo blinked and stared up into the faces of the men from his unit. They were all staring back at him, and there was a beat of silence as they all began to pray and ask for God to protect them. They had seen him die and come back, there wasn't any denying it, and Nicolo didn't know what to make of all of it. 

"I told you," Marco said. "I told you that he couldn't die." 

"We can see that now," Giovanni said, the commander, who looked at Nicolo with a combination of fear and something darker than that. 

"I'm not hurting anyone," Nicolo said as he tried to fight with the ropes around his hands. "I'm walking away from all of this, so just leave me alone. Let me go." 

"I'm afraid we can't do that," Giovanni said with a smirk. "One of our own has been taken by the demons and heretics of these lands, and we need to purify him. We need to make sure that your evil won't poison our divine mission." 

"Divine mission," Nicolo said, and he spat on the ground. "A divine mission of slaughtering children and raping women? Of killing men who surrender and the elderly who cannot even hold a blade? You call that mission divine? God is ashamed of all of you." Giovanni kicked Nicolo in the face hard enough that his nose broke, and he nearly bit through his tongue. He spat some of the blood on the ground and glared up at his former commander. His nose was healing, so was his tongue, and he could feel the flesh knitting back together, which meant that Giovanni could see it happening too. 

"We will purify you, Nicolo, we will release you from this demon that is holding your soul, and then you will be laid to rest so we may continue to this mission that God has sent us on. It's for the good of the world that we take the Holy Lands back from the heretics, it's for the good of everyone, and for us to complete that mission, we cannot let a demon into our midst," Giovanni snapped. He turned and walked out of the tent as Marco stared at him.

"Marco, you know me, we took this mission together, we came here from the same city, how can you let this happen?" Nicolo asked, but Marco shook his head and took a step back. He was shaking; he was so afraid. 

"I don't know you, I don't know you at all," Marco whispered. "God, forgive me for even thinking of you as a friend." Nicolo wanted to yell that God was the one who made this happen, but none of them were listening to him. He struggled against the ropes, but they were holding tight, and there was nothing he could do. He was tired, thirsty, hungry; he wondered if they were going to starve him to death. They wanted to purify his soul, but the only way for that to happen would be if he died, and thus far, nothing had taken him. Nicolo closed his eyes and tried to breathe; Yusuf had killed in ways that made it slow and painful. He had bled out in the dirt several times now, but he knew that his former comrades wouldn't be so kind as to simply take his head. They were going to make it hurt, and they weren't going to stop until he died. 

Nicolo couldn't die, which meant they weren't ever going to stop, and the thought of dying over and over again in slow and painful ways made his stomach turn. He pressed his forehead to the ground and began to pray. He prayed that his former comrades would see the errors of their ways and let him go, but he knew that they were all too far gone. War broke men in ways that no one could ever understand, and appeals to logic and reason weren't going to work. He prayed that he could just die so they wouldn't hurt him anymore, but that didn't appear to be in the cards yet. 

And despite that, he had no right to do so; he prayed for Yusuf. He prayed that the man could get some peace in the coming days and that he stayed far away from these men. If they thought Nicolo was evil, there was no telling what they would think of him. Yusuf had suffered enough, and he didn't deserve more. 

Nicolo needed to repent for the pain he caused, and there was a thought in the back of his mind; maybe he did deserve the pain these men were about to inflict on him. 

+++

Nicolo managed to get a couple of hours of sleep, and for the first time since he died, he dreamed. It wasn't about Yusuf, though, but two women, which was strange. They didn't look like anyone Nicolo had ever seen before, and they moved through the world in a way that he couldn't place. He didn't get long to see their faces before someone came into his tent and kicked him right in the stomach. It was hard enough that he felt a rib snap, and it was even worse to feel it slowly knitting back together. Nicolo glared up at the soldier he didn't recognize, and two sets of hands yanked him to his feet. They dragged Nicolo out into the middle of the camp, and they dropped him in the center of a circle on his knees with everyone watching. 

Giovanni was standing with his hand on his sword as Nicolo tried to struggle. Giovanni began to talk about bringing Nicolo back to peace, but he wasn't listening. He needed to get away from here before they decided that the best course of action was to gut him. 

"I'm not what you think I am!" he called out, and everyone winced like it hurt them just to hear his voice. Giovanni stopped talking and walked up to Nicolo. He pulled out his sword and placed it under Nicolo's throat. It forced him to look up into Giovanni's eyes.

"I am spilling the blood of the demon to save the soul of the man I fought with. Please, God, Almighty, free your servant from the will of the demons so he may fight with us again.” Nicolo was about to make some comment about not wanting to fight with them no matter what happens, but Giovanni slit his throat. Nicolo knew what it was like to die from this sort of wound, and he collapsed to the ground. The blood filled his lungs, and the world around him went black as men stared at his dying body. 

Nicolo gasped as he came back, and several men in the camp gasped like they couldn't believe that he was really back. He coughed loudly and rolled onto his side to spit some of the leftover blood that was still in his lungs. 

"He really did come back," someone whispered. 

"The wound is gone," another said. 

"This is the work of Satan," came one more, which was the last thing that Nicolo wanted to hear right now. Giovanni walked over and pushed Nicolo onto his back as the last of the wounds from getting his throat slit went away. 

"I see that the demon still holds onto your soul," Giovanni said as he looked down at Nicolo with contempt. 

"Nothing is holding my soul," Nicolo snapped. 

"Then why can't you die?" Giovanni asked, and wasn't that the question at the end of the day. Nicolo thought that a good answer might be the thing that saved him, but there wasn't a good answer. He didn't know why this was happening or why he, of all people, is the one that cannot die. "As I thought," Giovanni said with a smirk as if Nicolo's silence proved anything at all. "Well, I'll just have to try again."

"It won't work," Nicolo replied. Giovanni didn't seem to care that it wasn't going to work because he stabbed Nicolo right in the heart and left him there to bleed in the dirt. Once again, he came back, and this time the men sounded angrier and more afraid. Giovanni said nothing as he casually walked up to Nicolo and gutted him this time. The smell was terrible, and the last time Yusuf killed him like this, it felt like it took forever for the wound to heal. The world went back, but his body was still mangled when he came back. The men around him gasped and yelled as the wound healed, but Giovanni started looking angry. He was the commander of this unit that was sent on a God-given mission, and he couldn't get rid of the demon that was plaguing his unit. Nicolo placed a hand over his healing stomach and just tried to breathe through the strange feeling of knowing what your insides smell like. 

"Why won't you die?" Giovanni asked after he slit Nicolo's throat again, and this time, he laughed because he didn't know, and the many deaths were starting to get to him. The most Yusuf killed him in a day was twice, and now he had revived five times in the last day, and that didn't include the moments he sort of came back when the crossbow bolt was in his chest. He was starting to feel tired and hungry, and all he wanted to do was sleep. Nicolo just laughed and laughed until someone came over and cracked his skull open with their foot. He died and came back laughing just as before. 

Giovanni yelled in frustration and had him dragged back to the tent. They threw him down to the ground, and Nicolo grunted as he was unable to break his own fall. Giovanni kicked him and stared down. 

"Purifying your soul will make all the difference in the world. You're going to change the world, Nicolo, because, with your death, we will go back and win the war for God," Giovanni said, and he sounded like he hadn't slept enough in the last several days. There was that madness that everyone in the unit seemed to have now, the madness that came with too little sleep and water and too much bloodshed. Giovanni ordered the other men in the tent to hold Nicolo's arms steady and had to watch as Giovanni cut deep marks down his forearm. They tossed him down, and Nicolo wondered if he was going to bleed out or heal first. 

"This isn't going to work," he mumbled as Nicolo gave into the blood loss. Somewhere, deep down, he knew this wasn't going to be the thing that killed him, and in moments Giovanni was going to try again, but the peace was nice. He gasped back mere seconds later, and he could feel the wounds on his arms still healing. He glanced over his shoulder at Giovanni, whose eyes were wild. Everyone turned around and left him as he healed. There was no chance these men were going to give up, and he was their prisoner. 

Nicolo always thought the worst thing that could happen was to die in war but being kept as a prisoner was worse. Unlike other prisoners, he couldn't embrace to escape this hell; he had to endure it, and the idea of being kept like a hog primed for slaughter turns his stomach. They didn't bring him any food or water, and Nicolo closed his eyes. They might come back and hurt him again, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. The ropes that held his hands together were soaked with blood, and maybe enough could make a difference. Right now, it was just distracting. Nicolo fell into a deep sleep. 

+++

For the next several days, Giovanni, Marco, and the others all did their best to try and purify his soul, but none of it was working. Nicolo still couldn't die, and now he could see that people were starting to enjoy killing him. The bloodlust that so many men came back from war with was there, and Nicolo was someone they could kill over and over again. By the end of the third day, Nicolo didn't know if he could even move anymore. The ropes were too tight, and there was still no chance of escaping. Even if he could get his hands free, his legs had been in the same position for so long and probably didn't work. He wasn't even sure if he could walk. 

He woke up on the fourth day to the sound of someone building something, and Nicolo didn't like the sound of that. They had tried to burn him yet, and that seemed like something could be very unpleasant. No one came to see him that morning, and Nicolo had to lie there and listen to them build something that would likely take part in his next death. He was tired, he was so tired, he just wanted to sleep and for these men to leave him alone. 

Giovanni walked into the tent and smirked when he saw that Nicolo didn't even sit up. Several soldiers dragged him outside, and he got to see what they were working on; his stomach dropped. It was a cross, and they were looking excited as they dragged him to it. It wasn't the blood loss from the nails that would kill him; it would be starvation and dehydration. It would be slow and extremely painful, and it was going to take days. Nicolo tried to struggle against these men, but it wasn't working. There were just too many of them, and he was just one man. 

"Giovanni, you know I can't die; you know what you're going to do to me if you put me on that cross?" Nicolo asked as he fought. 

"We will leave you here with several men who will watch until your soul passes to Heaven. The rest of us are heading back to the battle so we can help take the Holy Lands back. Your death will be the thing that guides us. That's why you need to die, Nicolo, because you dying is the thing that saves the rest of us," Giovanni said, and he sounded confident, but there was that hint of lie there that Nicolo couldn't ignore. He refused to beg but he kept struggling as they tied him to the cross. He struggled when one of them forced his hand open and the feeling of the nails going into his palms. The skin on his hands was trying to heal around the nail, Nicolo could feel it, and it was some of the worst pain he had ever experienced. He screamed for the first time since they started killing him and everyone looked surprised. They glanced over at Giovanni, who nodded, and they continued. 

It was beyond awful. Nicolo had died slowly, but this was so much worse. This was painful in a way that he couldn't even put into words. In all of the time he had spent in this camp and with these people trying to bleed him dry, he never screamed, but every nail into his body was torture. It hurt, and all Nicolo wanted was for this to end. He didn't beg, he refused to beg, but he wanted them to stop. It felt like a lifetime to finally get him secure on the cross, and they pushed it up, so it was standing in the middle of the camp. Nicolo grit his teeth hard enough that he thought they were going to crack and began to yell. 

"God is ashamed of the things you have done," he yelled, and everyone in the camp turned to look at him. "God has seen the sins you did in his name, and he will punish you with eternal damnation for it. You will all see hellfire at the end of your days." 

"The only one who will be seeing hellfire is you, Nicolo," Giovanni said with a smirk. "It's clear that your soul is lost, and for the good of my men, we will leave you here to rot until Lucifer takes you." Nicolo bit his tongue hard enough to bleed and spat the blood on Giovanni. The man looked at him, disgusted, and they began to pack everything up. His tongue healed, but he continued to slowly bleed and not die. The skin kept trying to heal around the nails, and he wished they would just shoot him in the chest with a crossbow. At least the bolt kept him mostly under, and he couldn't feel the pain. Nicolo hit his head against the cross and tried to see a way to get away from these men, to get down, but he didn't see one. He could spend days or weeks on this cross before someone found him and took pity on him to cut him down. 

Nicolo dozed off a few times, succumbing to the blood loss and mostly shock from the wounds on his body. They hadn't fed him or given him water in days, which he thought could be a good thing. Maybe the lack of water would take him quickly, but then Nicolo would just come back just as thirsty as before, and he would die again. When he came back to himself, he saw that most of the camp was packed, and Giovanni was telling six men, including Marco, to stay behind. He looked up at Nicolo and grinned but didn't say anything. There was no saving that man, and nothing Nicolo could say at this point would make a difference. Giovanni, Marco, all of them thought they were doing the right thing for the war by killing him. There was no appeal to logic or empathy anymore. 

Nicolo watched the camp walk away and hoped that maybe the men he was left with would put that bolt in his heart, but they never did. They went about their business like there wasn't a man dying on a cross mere meters away from them. Nicolo dozed again, and when he woke up, he wondered if he'd die of thirst. It felt like he did, and his stomach felt like it was eating itself. He preferred them trying to bleed him dry compared to this. The sun was brutal, but any burns on his skin healed before they could really do much. Nicolo closed his eyes and prayed for death to just take him and be done with it. He didn't want this anymore. He didn't want any of this anymore. 

+++

Nicolo lost time, and every time he would die, he would just come back. Marco and the others were staring at him like they couldn't believe that he kept coming back. They didn't seem to care that he kept coming back as long as he remained on that cross. The world tilted on its side, and Nicolo wondered if they would put the bolt in his chest if he asked. That would require forming words, and he was beyond that. There was the sound of yelling, which was odd. There hadn't been yelling for days. Nicolo managed to move his head enough to see someone fighting Marco and the other men. Whoever this man was, he was killing them easily and didn't seem to care about his own wounds. He took a sword to the gut but managed to knock Marco to the ground. The man turned, and Nicolo blinked. 

It was Yusuf, and he actually looked distraught.

Yusuf began to work on getting the cross down, but every move made Nicolo whimper in pain. If there was anyone who knew what it was like to be in pain but not being able to die, it was Yusuf. The world spun by the time Yusuf managed to get the cross down. Yusuf was bleeding out, and Nicolo could only watch as Yusuf began to untie the ropes that kept him on the cross. 

"This is going to hurt, and I'm sorry for it," Yusuf said, and he began to pull the nails out. Nicolo screamed and almost blacked out several times. He could feel the icy cold sense of shock coming on again as Yusuf removed all of the nails. When they were gone, Nicolo wanted to cry, but he couldn't move. Yusuf leaned over him and cradled Nicolo's face in his hands. "Come back to me, you infuriating man." Nicolo blinked and tried to get the world to focus, but he could feel himself succumbing to the wounds again. His body was just too weak, and he could feel Yusuf bleeding all over him as well. He tried to focus, and he looked back at Yusuf and couldn't believe that he was really here. 

"You came for me," Nicolo whispered. 

"Yes, I did; I got far enough away and realized that no one else is going to understand what we're going through. We dreamed about each other for so long, and that seems like something we shouldn't ignore," Yusuf replied. Nicolo wasn't sure which one of them moved, but they were suddenly pressing their foreheads together. He could feel Yusuf's heavy breathing on his lips, and Nicolo felt something twist in his stomach. They were a hairsbreadth apart and staring at each other. They both moved, Nicolo was sure of it, to close the distance between them. It was barely a kiss, just their lips brushing against each other, and it felt like a piece was slotting into place. The moment felt so fragile as they moved together again and properly kissed. Nicolo had very little experience kissing anyone; he wasn't a desirable match for anyone when he was younger, and when he took his vows, he didn't touch anyone. Nicolo was sure he wasn't a priest anymore, and if this was falling into sin, he would fall gladly. 

They both needed to breathe, and Nicolo could still feel his body failing. He needed food, water, and rest, but there wasn't enough of him left to keep him alive anymore. Yusuf was going ashen pale as he bled out. Yusuf moved away and collapsed into the dirt, so they were lying side by side; Nicolo on his back and Yusuf on his stomach. Their pinky fingers were barely touching, and as Nicolo died yet again, that touch on one finger was the anchor he would chase when he came back again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, and welcome to the second chapter of this fic! I'm still chugging along here, but I was a decent way into chapter 2 when I posted chapter 1, which is why these uploads are so close. The next one won't be so fast; I'm sorry to say. Anyway, how is everyone doing? I'm...fine. Everything is fine, totally fine; the country I live in is not in the midst of trying to push out a narcissistic sociopath hellbent on taking everyone down with him. Not at all. No real specific warnings in this chapter; some internalized period typical homophobia, violence, and some smut. Any comments and kudos keep me going, and I appreciate them so freaking much.

Yusuf waited until he was sure that Nicolo was asleep before he packed his things and started off on his own. He was angry; he was furious that this man and his kin had invaded his home and killed his people just because they wanted the Holy City for themselves. When Nicolo described that a single man had decided that this was the right thing to do, Yusuf wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with that information. It somehow made things even worse than this one man made the decision, and all of these soldiers followed. It made him angry enough to leave the man he'd spent years dreaming about behind.

He didn't know what to make of the dreams the first time he had them. It was distracting to see this face and not know why he was thinking about it or why it formed in his mind. Yusuf didn't think anything of it the first time it happened, but it kept happening over and over again. He would see flashes of this life of a man taking Christian vows to be a priest, a forgotten third son that no one seemed to care about; it was all playing before his eyes. He should have known that something was happening when he saw the man take up a sword like he was going to war. 

In retrospect, it was strange that the closer he and Nicolo got in the real world, the more distorted their dreams became. He lost Nicolo's face, and all he could see were flashes of death and despair. Nicolo turning a blind eye to the crimes that his men were committing and doing nothing to stop them. It hurt to see, and it was more than Yusuf knew how to handle. It made him angry at this man from his dreams; at Nicolo, he would learn later that he wanted revenge before he even laid eyes on the man. 

The moment their eyes met across the bloody battlefield, it was like everything around them slowed down for half a moment. Then they both attacked, and Yusuf knew that Nicolo was dying, but he was dying too. The man that had haunted him for so long would be gone, and that was all that mattered. Yusuf fought hard and well for his land, and to die with honor for them was good enough. It was what Allah would want for him. 

And then he woke up. 

The first few times, Yusuf entertained the idea that the Crusader had done this to him, and that's why this was happening. However, he could see that Nicolo was just as terrified by all of this as he was. This was not intentional on either of their parts. They killed each other over and over again until one day; they decided to stop. It clearly wasn't working, and now Yusuf had an ally of sorts. Or at least someone that understood what he was going through. It was clear that something had brought them together, and Yusuf wasn't going to deny that. Or he wasn't going to deny it until he heard Nicolo try to explain why he was here killing and when he had nothing to defend himself from when Yusuf asked why old men, women, and children needed to die. So Yusuf left because he didn't think he could stand to look at Nicolo's face. 

He made good time on his own despite the fact that he hadn't slept at all. He wanted to put as much distance between him and Nicolo as he could, and if that meant walking through the night, then Yusuf was going to walk through the night. It was good to get some space, and he had some time to think without worrying that Nicolo was going to try and kill him again. Yusuf didn't know what he thought about the fact that he couldn't die. On the one hand, it literally meant that he couldn't die, but as the many deaths Nicolo inflicted showed him, Yusuf could very much feel pain. It hurt to die, and it even hurt to come back. Was he going to be this for the rest of his life? What was the rest of his life if he couldn't die? Would he stop aging? 

These were all questions that Yusuf had no idea how to answer, and that didn't make it any easier to ask them. So he kept walking until he ran out of energy and nearly collapsed into sleep. He avoided any Crusaders that he might see around and wondered if they would welcome Nicolo back into their fold. They had a warrior that couldn't die now, so maybe that would be the thing that made them want to keep going. Yusuf was sure that if he tried to go home and someone knew that he died, someone would call him a demon or a djinn or something like that. They would probably try to kill him, and Yusuf didn't want to think about what would happen when they realized they couldn't finish the job. 

However, it became all he thought about as he narrowly avoided some Crusaders after two days. If his men would kill him for this, he knew that the Christians would do the same thing to Nicolo. He didn't want to care about that, but they could find out about him from Nicolo if they asked hard enough. Yusuf told himself that was the only reason he turned around and began to look for Nicolo again to warn him. It didn't feel like a lie, but it didn't feel like the entire truth either. 

Three days after he left Nicolo behind, he found the pack that Nicolo was carrying abandoned by some trees. There was blood in the dirt, long since dry, and Yusuf got a terrible feeling. He tried to follow the tracks the best he could, but the men were hard to follow. It had been several days, the best that he could tell. When he finally found the camp three days later, he was surprised to only see a few men hanging around. The thing that made him feel like he was going to throw up was the sight of Nicolo hanging from a cross. They had nailed him to the wood and everything and left him there to rot. Nicolo wouldn't rot, though; he would go into shock or starve or die of thirst over and over again. It was a level of suffering that Yusuf wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, which meant that he needed to accept that Nicolo was not his worst enemy. 

He went into the small camp with his scimitar in hand and cut the men down. One of them managed to stab him in the stomach, but Yusuf forced himself not to feel it. When these men were all lying in the dirt and dead, he managed to get Nicolo down from the cross. He apologized for removing the nails, and he saw the wounds heal, but Nicolo was unable to focus. The sheer reality and terror of being alone and unable to die hit Yusuf so hard it was like getting kicked in the stomach. 

"Come back to me, you infuriating man," Yusuf said as he cradled Nicolo's face in his hands. 

"You came for me," Nicolo whispered, and he sounded surprised. It shouldn't have hurt that Nicolo thought that no one was coming for him. 

"Yes, I did; I got far enough away and realized that no one else is going to understand what we're going through. We dreamed about each other for so long, and that seems like something we shouldn't ignore," Yusuf replied. He pressed their foreheads together as they both tried to breathe through the wounds that were killing them. Nicolo was barely alive and wasn't going to last much longer, while Yusuf could feel the blood loss starting to get to him. He could feel Nicolo's uneven breath against his lips, and he didn't know who closed the final gap between them, but their lips touched. It was barely a kiss, and Yusuf had no idea what to do with that. If he was asked what madness must have struck him that made him lean down and kiss the man beneath him, he wouldn't have an answer. 

They were both too weak, and Yusuf collapsed next to Nicolo on the dirt after only a moment or two of kissing. They weren't touching each other as they died save for their pinky fingers. It was such a little thing that felt like it meant so much, but Yusuf succumbed to blood loss before he could think about it too much. 

+++

Yusuf gasped awake and coughed as he came back to himself. The wound on his stomach was nearly gone, and he turned his head to see Nicolo wake up as well. The man still looked half out of his mind. He was probably still starving and dehydrated, which meant that Yusuf needed to act fast before Nicolo died on him again. He pushed himself up and was about to go through his bag when he saw someone move out of the corner of his eye. Yusuf turned to see a young man walking toward them. There was blood on his face, a sword in his hands, and a wild look in his eyes. 

"Another one," the man spat out with such contempt that it actually took Yusuf by surprise. "I should have known that you infidels were just like that traitor. I'm going to kill you both so you can go back to hell where you belong. I saw the two of you, I saw it, and I'm not going to let filth like you remain." 

"Marco," Nicolo whispered, but the young man, Marco, shook his head. 

"No, the entire unit knows what you are, and when I go and tell them what I saw here, they'll never stop coming for you," Marco said. Yusuf glanced at Nicolo, who looked conflicted but eventually closed his eyes in resignation. That was about as close to permission as Yusuf was going to get, and he pushed himself to his feet. His scimitar was in his hands as he stalked toward the last remaining man who tortured one of his own. Marco didn't have much fighting experience, and despite being exhausted from dying, Yusuf eventually opened a bloody line on his throat. He left the man to die and quickly raided the rations and water to give to Nicolo. After some food and water, he started to look a little better, like he could see properly, and he stared at Yusuf like he still couldn't believe that he was here. 

"The rest of them, they know that I can't die," Nicolo said as he took some more sips of water. Yusuf needed to convince him to drink slowly since he figured that the Frank didn't have any experience with succumbing to the heat like he did. 

"I heard," Yusuf replied, and he hesitated. "They hurt you because of it. Are they going to come back this way?" 

"They might," Nicolo replied, and he swallowed. "They will, and then they'll decide that I need to die. They'll keep looking for me, and then they'll look for you. It's not safe together. They don't know about you yet, so perhaps staying apart would be for the best."

"I don't think that's wise," Yusuf replied after a beat of silence. They were apparently not going to talk about what happened right before they both died, and Yusuf was just fine with that at the moment. "We can't die, but we can be captured. It's harder to capture two men than it is to capture one. I believe staying together will be safer for both of us." This was something that he wasn't sure how it would go over, but Nicolo was weak enough that Yusuf was fairly sure he would win if it came to a fight. "If they know, then they're dangerous, and we need to take care of them." Nicolo tensed and wouldn't look him in the eye but eventually, he nodded. 

"They won't stop," Nicolo whispered. "They will march to Jerusalem, and they will slaughter anyone and everyone who gets in their way. They aren't just dangerous because they know I can't die; they're just dangerous men." 

"I can do it," Yusuf said. "I can find a way to take care of them so--"

"No," Nicolo interrupted. "They are part of my sin, and I need to atone for it somehow. I was part of this, so I will help stop it." Yusuf nodded, and they sat in silence together as they continued to get their strength back. After two hours, Nicolo wasn't so pale or struggling as much. They both managed to get to their feet and then went about taking all of the supplies they could from the dead Crusaders. Nicolo found a crossbow, which he eyed strangely for a moment and then tied to one of the remaining horses that were left behind. They had a lot more food and water now, enough that they could afford to go back east for a few days to stop these men and then head west again without any problems. "They shot me with a crossbow," Nicolo said. Yusuf frowned because he didn't understand what Nicolo was talking about. "They shot me with a crossbow, and they left the bolt in my chest. I kept dying within seconds of coming back. It's something we need to consider." 

"We will," Yusuf replied quietly. They got the rest of the supplies together and started off in the direction of the Crusaders. Nicolo still looked a little too pale and uneasy on his horse, but it would take them a few days to catch up. Yusuf could only assume that he would get better, the more he slept and the more food that got put into him. That is why they stopped early that night and why Yusuf gave Nicolo half of his portion. Nicolo smiled softly and was asleep within seconds of his head, hitting the ground. Yusuf watched him for a moment and wondered how he got here. When he left that morning, he was so sure he never wanted to see Nicolo again, yet several days later, he was rushing in to save the man from a fate worse than death.

It was the terrifying realization that he could be facing years and years alone. His home was already gone, but to see the world change around you while you stay still. Yusuf didn't know how he was supposed to do that for years and do it alone. It did mean something that Nicolo never turned his sword on innocent people, but Yusuf could tell that even Nicolo considered that to be the bare minimum. The man did not carry guilt well, and seeing that every day was fascinating to watch. Yusuf laid down after putting some more sticks on the fire and slept. 

He was right that Nicolo got a little better every day, and while they weren't moving very quickly to catch up, Yusuf didn't know why they would have to hurry. They had all the time in the world to catch up and take care of these men. They weren't going to age; they weren't going to die, so he failed to see why they needed to rush now. Antioch had fallen, and these men were going to help take Jerusalem. That would take weeks, so why not take an extra day or two to make sure that this was a fight they could win. 

They found the Crusaders making camp on the fifth day, and thankfully Nicolo looked like he was back to normal. He narrowed his eyes as they hid behind a small enclave of rocks that was nearby and watched the company. There were two dozen men walking around, and they were all heavily armed. There was one man in particular who looked like the leader that Nicolo seemed to be tracking across the camp. 

"That is Giovanni," Nicolo said. "He is the leader, and they are frightened, hungry, and tired men. They will fall without a leader, but they will become more dangerous the more afraid they get." 

"So we must kill this Giovanni first," Yusuf said. 

"That we will," Nicolo said, and he pulled out the crossbow. He put it up on the rock and comfortably positioned himself to aim the crossbow at the camp. Nicolo went very still and didn't fire for a few minutes, then some more, and Yusuf realized that Nicolo was not in a rush here. He wasn't either, so he settled down and waited. He brought out some food for Nicolo that he ignored and set up more crossbow bolts nearby. Yusuf had a feeling that Nicolo was not going to fire just one shot, and they had decent cover here. The men might not know where it came from. 

An hour turned into two, and they were going to lose daylight sooner rather than later. While attacking at night might work well if they were sneaking up on these men, the plan to kill Giovanni first means they needed daylight. Something in Nicolo's stance changed ever so slightly, and Yusuf turned to watch as Nicolo fired the bolt. The arrow hit Giovanni in the throat, and he fell to the ground in a splash of red. Yusuf handed Nicolo the next bolt, which he stood, aimed, and fired. They managed to fire three more bolts before the men figured out what direction they were firing from. They took cover as the Crusaders fired back. 

"If I see you with a bolt in your chest, I'll make sure it's removed so you can heal," Yusuf said, and Nicolo nodded. The reign of bolts ceased, and they both emerged from their hiding places as the men approached. Yusuf kept an eye on Nicolo the entire time to make sure that he was actually killing these men, but Nicolo attacked them with more anger than even Yusuf did. The men didn't stand a chance when they worked together, and soon there was nothing but bodies, blood in the dirt, and silence. Yusuf looked across the battle at Nicolo, who looked right back. They didn't say anything as they stripped the bodies and supplies from the Crusaders, got on their horses, and started to head west again. 

+++

Time was an interesting thing. It didn't take them very long to realize that they weren't aging, and it seemed to go by quickly and slowly at the same time. Yusuf blinked and realized that he'd known Nicolo for twenty years, and nothing about them had changed. They didn't pray to their gods anymore, but they both tried to only do the right thing when they could. They took jobs protecting people fleeing dangerous situations and killing bandits that attacked innocent people. They had just killed one of those groups of bandits when the woman at the inn offered them a place to stay for the night, and two bottles of wine in thanks. There was only one room, but they had shared before, so it didn't matter.

Neither he nor Nicolo did much drinking, so the wine seemed to affect them more than usual. Or at least that was the excuse that Yusuf used when he was a little dizzy and noticing how red Nicolo's lips were. They hadn't ever spoken about that day when Yusuf got Nicolo down from that cross. Yusuf wasn't about to bring it up, and it seemed that Nicolo wasn't keen either. It was twenty years ago, and it seemed silly to dwell on it now. Yet it was all Yusuf could think about when Nicolo smiled and laughed easily with the wine in his hands. He wasn't sure how it happened, but they both ended up on the floor since there wasn't room in the bed for both of them, and the argument over who got the bed ended with a pushing match that led to them both falling down. 

Their shoulders were touching, and Nicolo was a warm presence next to him. They were friends now, that was something that Yusuf could easily admit, and he liked spending time with him. They both dreamed about the other women that were like them, but the world was so big, and they had no idea how to find them. 

"We found each other, so it stands to reason that we'll find them someday," Nicolo said with a shrug. Now both of the bottles of wine were empty, and they were both drunk. The moonlight was coming in the window, and it made Nicolo's eyes shine in a way that took Yusuf's breath away. He hadn't painted or drawn since he left for war, but he felt the itch to pick up some paints to capture how Nicolo looked right now. 

"I think I like being drunk," Nicolo said with a smile. "I can see why so many people partake in this."

"It is an interesting feeling," Yusuf replied, and for some reason, that made Nicolo laugh again, and Nicolo laughing made Yusuf laugh again. Their hands were touching, but neither of them moved, and the air in the room seemed to change. Yusuf remembered the moment of madness when he kissed Nicolo all of those years ago, but now that madness seemed to have returned because he wanted to do it again. Yusuf's fingers twitched against Nicolo's, and their hands seemed to move of their own accord. One moment they were barely touching, and the next, their fingers were intertwining, and that hand felt like Yusuf's only anchor to reality. Nicolo was a little flushed, and he licked his lips, and Yusuf couldn't look away. Much like the last time he felt this madness, he wasn't sure who closed the distance between them, but one moment they were staring at each other, and the next they were kissing. 

Nicolo's lips were just as soft as Yusuf remembered, but this kiss felt different from the one all of those years ago. The one they shared before was chaste, barely there, but there was heat behind this one. This time they reached for each other because Yusuf wanted to feel skin beneath his fingers. He pulled, and Nicolo pushed, and suddenly there was a warm weight in his lap. Nicolo intertwined their fingers on their other hand and pushed them down, so they were pinned to the floor. Yusuf chased this madness because it meant that he could keep kissing Nicolo, and that was literally the only thing he wanted. They were kissing again, but this time Yusuf licked into Nicolo's mouth, and suddenly the kisses took on a whole new meaning. 

The only time Yusuf ever remembered kissing someone like this was his wife, Menna, before they went to bed together. It had been so long since she passed, but it was still hard to think about her. It still felt a little like a betrayal to lie here on the floor and kiss Nicolo like this even though it was clearly something they both wanted. They were still entirely clothed, but they had started to grind against each other slowly, and it was making Yusuf's stomach feel hot. He sucked on Nicolo's tongue in a certain way that he was told felt amazing, and he heard the other man gasp against him. That was the thing that broke him. 

Yusuf used the extra weight he had on Nicolo to flip them over, and Nicolo was so surprised that he laughed softly now that he was the one pinned down. Yusuf looked down at him, and he was smiling softly and his eyes, his eyes that were so captivating even when they were enemies, were glassy with wine. Yusuf leaned down to claim that mouth again when someone banged on the door. 

"What is going on in there?" one of the innkeepers yelled. There was half a breath where they stared at each other, still touching in all of the right or wrong places, lips swollen from kisses, and half-hard, and the next, they were scrambling away from each other. Yusuf stood up a little straight and walked over to the door, hoping he didn't look like he'd just spent the last several minutes on the floor kissing another man. 

"I apologize, we just had a bit too much to drink, and one of us tripped. We'll be fine," Yusuf said. The innkeeper looked like he didn't believe him but didn't push the matter. Yusuf made sure to lock the door and leaned against it. Nicolo was on his feet and halfway across the room. They stared at each other for a long time, and Yusuf couldn't find the words. He was suddenly very sober, and the calm, wine haze he felt when Nicolo was above or below him was gone. "I don't think he believed me." 

"I don't either," Nicolo replied. "But the door is locked, and I wake up faster than you. We should be fine." Yusuf nodded, and they both went about stripping down to just soft sleep clothes that they so rarely got to use when they were traveling. Nicolo looked at the small bed and then at Yusuf. "There is probably enough room." 

"For both of us," Yusuf said. 

"Yes, both of us. If you sleep at my back and I sleep facing the door," he said. 

"Because you wake up easier than I do, right," Yusuf replied, and he didn't disagree. The last time they were taken unaware by bandits, Nicolo had already killed two of them by the time Yusuf even realized that something was going on. It made sense that he should be the one facing the door. They stared at each other again, and Yusuf thought about bringing up what they did but decided it was probably best not to. There was no telling what it could do to their friendship, and he didn't want to walk this long life alone. 

It was a tight fit, but eventually, they both settled into the bed. Nicolo was on his side, facing the door, with a knife under the pillow and his crossbow on the floor. There was only enough room if Yusuf molded himself to Nicolo's back, and there was very little space between them. They were both so tense Yusuf didn't think either of them was going to ever fall asleep. He sighed and put his arm over Nicolo's waist. There were another few seconds of tension, and then they both relaxed at the same time. Yusuf closed his eyes to sleep, and if he tucked his nose into Nicolo's neck a little, well, it couldn't be helped what he did while he was asleep. 

+++

For the next twenty years or so, that was how it was. They never brought up the fact that they kissed, and whenever they both got drunk, they would somehow end up with their hands all over each other. They didn't drink often, but when they fell into each other's arms the third time they drank, it did feel like they were just looking for an excuse. Yusuf tried not to think about how much he looked forward to drinking with Nicolo because it meant he got to touch him. They were at a stalemate that could last for decades, but Yusuf didn't know how to talk about it, and Nicolo didn't either. So they didn't talk about it; they just drank and used it as an excuse to kiss. 

It was a good excuse until the night they only had half a bottle of wine, which was not nearly enough to get them both drunk. They were in the middle of nowhere with a warm fire burning, and they were making their way North toward Persia to find a warlord that was trying to seize control of neighboring villages. They were asked to go look into it and assassinate the warlord if possible. Yusuf didn't like assassinations, but the warlord was killing anyone who got in their way, and it was the right thing to do. Nicolo looked at the empty bottle and tossed it away. They were sitting close enough that their shoulders were touching, and Yusuf could feel the heat coming off of his friend. They were silent as they stared at the fire, and it took so long for Yusuf to find the words he wanted to say. 

"Nicolo," he said, "are you drunk?" Nicolo stared at him for a moment, his lips parting slightly as he thought about what was just said. 

"Yeah, I am," Nicolo replied. "That wine must be stronger than the stuff we're used to. It's affecting me more." 

"Me too," Yusuf replied and promptly closed the distance between them. Nicolo responded immediately, and before long, their tongues were tangling together as they moved to lie side by side in the dirt. They should get out the bedrolls, it would be more comfortable, but Yusuf knew that it would break the moment, and this would stop. He didn't want to stop kissing Nicolo, not now, and if he was honest with himself, possibly not ever. They pulled at each other until there was no space between them, and Yusuf could feel the hard line of Nicolo's body. They had to stop kissing to breathe, and they stared at each other. They had long since mastered the art of speaking without words, and Yusuf wished he could fully understand what Nicolo was asking for. The true meaning was lost to him. 

That didn't mean he wanted to give this up, and he gently rolled them over, so he was leaning over Nicolo, which was more comfortable. Now they could use both of their hands, which always made this better. However, the way they were lying before tangled up their legs in a way they hadn't ever done before. It was intimate and the kind of thing Yusuf did for Menna and no one else, yet here he was with Nicolo, he was with a man, having those same lustful thoughts. He didn't want this to end, not yet, and it seemed Nicolo didn't either because the moment Yusuf leaned down to kiss him again, Nicolo pulled him down. Nicolo bit down on his lower lip, and Yusuf rolled his hips without thinking. They both paused for half a breath before Nicolo kissed him harder, but Yusuf wanted more. 

Nicolo's mouth was tempting, but he adored the strong cut of his jawline, and Yusuf longed to taste it for himself. This was something else they hadn't done before in all of the times they had fallen together while drunk, but Yusuf was sober and clear-headed and didn't care. Nicolo clearly didn't care either because he moved his head to give Yusuf more access to his throat. They were grinding on each other's legs now, rather shamelessly, and if bandits ran into their camp right now, Yusuf wouldn't move from where he was. He sucked a bruise into the pale skin of Nicolo's throat and watched the mark fade within seconds. Yusuf was disappointed because he wanted to see that bruise and remember what they were doing. Nicolo moaned and yanked Yusuf back into a kiss.

This was so much better without wine or anything else clouding his thoughts and somehow even more intense. He was hard now, Nicolo was too, and Yusuf felt like he was chasing release. He hadn't been with someone since he became immortal, and normally he didn't care. Right now, Yusuf cared; right now, release was the only thing he could think about, and judging by the sounds that Nicolo was making into his mouth, he was too. Nicolo threaded his fingers through Yusuf's hair and pulled. Yusuf gasped and fell over that edge. He broke away from Nicolo's mouth to bite down on his neck, and Nicolo gasped and also released. They had both come in their pants like they were teenagers, and it was the most they had ever done together. They were both breathing hard, Yusuf could feel a bead of sweat making its way down his spine, and he had no idea what to do now. He placed a gentle kiss on the spot where he bit Nicolo even though the mark was long gone and moved back just far enough so they could look into each other's eyes. 

Nicolo looked just as conflicted and overwhelmed as Yusuf felt, and it was fairly obvious that he didn't know what to do next either. Yusuf reached forward and ran his thumb along Nicolo's sharp cheekbones because it felt like the right thing to do. His pants were getting uncomfortable, and he should really move so they could change, but that was the last thing Yusuf wanted to do. Nicolo reached for him as well, and they were kissing again, but this time it was different. This wasn't the barely there kiss that they shared the day Yusuf found Nicolo nailed to that cross, and it wasn't the drunken fumbles either. It wasn't the same type of kiss they shared when this whole thing first started. This was soft, exploring, sweet almost. It reminded Yusuf of the first kiss he ever had with a girl when he was much younger. There was no hurry as they laid there and slowly explored each other's mouths. 

Eventually, their clothing got uncomfortable enough that they were both starting to shift. Yusuf knew the moment he moved away, this moment would be broken, and maybe something had changed between them. Maybe they would have to finally face, after decades of traveling together, this thing that existed between them. It was a terrifying thought but one that Yusuf wasn't as afraid of. He laid with a man in some capacity, and Allah didn't strike him dead. Nicolo's God didn't either, and neither of them pulled away in the end out of revulsion. They kissed one last time and pressed their foreheads together to breathe, then they both pulled away. 

It was stupid, but they didn't look at each other as they cleaned up and got dressed, and Yusuf didn't know why. It wouldn't even be the first time he had seen Nicolo naked before, but now it felt different. So Yusuf kept his back turned and could tell that Nicolo was doing the same. When Yusuf turned back around, they both wordlessly got their bedrolls together and laid them side by side. It wasn't cold, and there wasn't any reason to sleep like this, but it was what they did now, and Yusuf found that he was looking forward to sleeping with Nicolo in his arms more than usual. They settled down, and Yusuf pressed his nose to the back of Nicolo's neck. He felt brave, and he pressed a soft kiss there. Nicolo took the hand that was draped over his waist and intertwined their fingers. 

They said nothing to each other and quickly fell asleep. 

+++

The next morning Yusuf woke up because he felt Nicolo shift. It was early, and the sun was just coming up, but if they were going to get to the warlord today, they needed to leave early. Instead of getting up to get ready, Nicolo did something he hadn't done before; he turned around, so they were facing each other. Yusuf always liked seeing Nicolo in the morning when he was rumbled with sleep and somehow always rested. They watched each other to see who was going to be the one to break this silence. This thing between them felt solid and fragile at the same time. If this went wrong, if what he wanted ended up scaring Nicolo away, Yusuf wasn't sure he could get through these endless years alone. There was a very real risk of that happening because both of them were raised by religions that would frown on what they were doing. Yusuf didn't even know if Nicolo had ever been with someone before. 

"We need to take care of the warlord," Nicolo said softly. "After that, I'm not sure; I don't think--"

"I don't think we should do this anymore," Yusuf finished because he didn't want to hear the words from Nicolo's mouth. Even saying them himself was like taking a knife to his heart. "Last night is what happens when you only have a friend nearby for a long time. We don't see other people; we only see each other, so it makes sense. I don't think we should do it again, and I think we need to stop drinking." 

"Right," Nicolo said as he released a breath, and Yusuf bit his tongue because, for a moment, he thought Nicolo looked a little relieved. "Right, it's like with soldiers. It happens then too, and we're both soldiers in a way, so it makes sense." Neither of them made any move to get out of their bedrolls or move away from each other. A moment passed, and then another, then they were both getting up and gathering their things without looking at each other. It was already awkward and different between the two of them but Yusuf grit his teeth and hoped that it would pass. They needed to focus on the warlord, and then maybe they could spend some time somewhere else to figure things out. They hadn't been west back to Genova or anywhere near Nicolo's home. Perhaps sometimes there would mend this crack that had formed between them. 

+++

The warlord's stronghold was a small village that he had all but taken over. There were several small homes and the large one where he was living. There were guards in every direction, and getting close was going to be hard. Nicolo's ability with a crossbow had only gotten better over the years, and if he could get a clean shot at the warlord from far enough away, they could take care of this entire situation and go collect their bounty. However, as they listened in on the conversation in the neighboring village, they weren't going to get that lucky. This man never left, and when he did, it was with a large group of guards protecting him from all sides. The guards were acting strange, though, as if they had more motivations to protect this man than just loyalty. 

"I know what it is," Nicolo said, frowning deeply. "They are willing to die for him. They want to put their lives on the line to protect him. We know that look and how they are acting because we've seen it before; it's how my countrymen were acting when we first met." 

"So there isn't going to be any sneaking in or convincing someone to defect then," Yusuf replied. They had managed to draw a rough map of what they were walking into, but it wasn't much. Nicolo hummed his agreement, and they didn't talk about the Crusaders anymore. Nicolo still carried the guilt of what happened to Antioch and Jerusalem all of these years. Yusuf didn't know whose forgiveness Nicolo wanted for what he partook in, but Yusuf wished he would get it. "We have to find a way to break in without getting caught." 

"Or at least not getting caught on the way in," Nicolo replied. "If they kill us and leave our bodies in the sun to rot, that would be a decent way to escape." Yusuf frowned because he didn't like the idea of dying to escape. He disliked the pain of dying, but he disliked seeing Nicolo in pain even more.

"If we must, but let's not make that part of the plan. If we can assassinate him and get out without any issues, then we'll have done our parts. We collect the money and get out of the area as soon as possible." Yusuf hesitated because he wanted to suggest they go west for the first time, but he kept the words to himself. He would ask Nicolo to go west with him once they finished this job.

That night they dressed in their darkest clothing and strapped their blades to their backs, making it easier to move around. They both kept several knives on them; it was a game they sometimes played to guess how many weapons the other was carrying at any given time. That was a game that Yusuf enjoyed more than he wanted to admit to himself because it was a game that gave him an excuse to look at Nicolo for long periods of time. Once they had everything they needed, they left their remaining belongings with the local innkeeper with enough money that she wouldn't sell them for at least a month. Yusuf hoped they would be back within a few days, but there was no telling if that would be the case. 

Nicolo managed to shoot a few of the guards from far away, and they hid the bodies in the shadows. So far, there wasn't anyone sounding the alarm that they were there. The main problem they had was they had no idea what the main house looked like on the inside. They needed to get in and get out as fast as possible, but they were also going to have to look for the warlord. The man didn't have a name, and no conversation they heard mentioned one. It was reminding Yusuf far too much of people following something that they would die for. 

By the time they got into the house, Yusuf wasn't feeling as confident as he did a few hours earlier. Right now, all he could think about was that for a place that seemed impossible to break into, this was too easy. He glanced at Nicolo, and he was frowning as well. This man had a small army at his disposal; why weren't they seeing anyone? It was too late to turn back now; if they left and the bodies were found, the security would get worse, and the next village over would likely be the next targets. This had to be finished tonight. 

Yusuf slit the throat of a man and carefully put his body into a dark corner as they searched for the master bedroom. It was late, and hopefully, the warlord was asleep. It took some time, but they managed to find the room that appeared to have the warlord in it. There were two guards at the door, and Nicolo shot them both through the neck with the crossbow from down the hall. They both pulled out their swords and walked across the hallway to the main room. There wasn't any sound coming from inside, but that didn't mean there weren't people in there. Nicolo went first, and they burst into the room.

A mere second later, a crossbow fired and buried a bolt in Nicolo's chest. He stumbled to the ground as men swarmed the two of them. Yusuf tried to fight as many of them off as he could while also trying to get the bolt out of Nicolo's chest. It took a few tries, but Yusuf managed to rip it out. He sliced through necks and gutted the men, but there were too many for one person. Nicolo was on his feet and tried to help, but they were overwhelmed and forced to their knees. The warlord walked out of a second room and looked down at them. Yusuf could feel a cut on his cheek healing, and the torn spot on Nicolo's shirt where the bolt went through revealed no scar or wound. The warlord grinned as he looked at the two of them. 

"My enemies have sent men who heal terrible wounds to my front door to kill me," he said with a smirk. "Take them to the basement so I can figure out exactly what I want to do with them." Yusuf struggled, so did Nicolo, but it was no use. The warlord knew about their abilities, and he knew that they couldn't die. All Yusuf could think about was the sound of Nicolo screaming when he removed the nails and how much he hurt for days after being on that cross. This warlord was not above flaying men alive, and that was not a way that Yusuf wanted to die. 

The guards threw them into one room after stripping them of all of their weapons. It was a very thorough search that almost left Yusuf feeling violated. They cracked jokes about Nicolo's light skin and hair and how much he looked like a woman. It was the kind of comment that made Yusuf see red, and he wanted to snap every single one of their necks. The door was locked, and they were alone.

"What do you think he's going to do to us?" Nicolo asked in Italian. It was the best guess at a language that these men wouldn't understand, and after many years, Yusuf could speak and understand it perfectly. 

"Nothing good now that he knows we can't die," Yusuf replied. 

"He knows you can heal, but he doesn't know you cannot die. He just thinks I cannot die," Nicolo said, and the difference in those two made Yusuf nervous. If they thought he could only heal wounds, they might hurt Nicolo more, and the thought of hearing those screams again turned his stomach. It wasn't the time for that, and they settled down in the dark room with a single small window up near the ceiling. Their shoulders were touching, and even though they said they wouldn't do this anymore, Yusuf moved a little closer. Nicolo didn't move away and rested his head against the wall. 

"Close your eyes," Yusuf said. 

"It's not safe to sleep, and you know that," Nicolo replied.

"I'll wake you up in two hours, and then I'll take a turn." Nicolo was the one who had actually died, so Yusuf knew that he was more tired. After Nicolo tried to find a comfortable position to sleep a few times, Yusuf eventually guided Nicolo's head to his shoulder. Nicolo sighed, and Yusuf thought it sounded happy, but there wasn't time to think about that. He rested his cheek against the top of Nicolo's head and watched as the moonlight moved across the room. 

He let Nicolo sleep for three hours. 

+++

The warlord didn't let them sit and linger for a long time. He strolled into the room with his guards the next day. They were yanked to their feet, and knives were pressed against their throat close enough to draw blood. The warlord smirked when the knives would move away to reveal no cuts.

"I do not know who you two are, but you are interesting," he said. "I looked at your weapons, and they look like something commonly used in the Crusades, but that doesn't make any sense. The Crusades were before you were born unless this special gift of yours makes it so you cannot age." Yusuf and Nicolo both said nothing, but Yusuf made sure that he glared at this man. When it became apparent that neither of them was going to say anything, he moved on. "My enemies are vast, and I am quite impressed that you two managed to get as far as you did into my home. The people I conquer will be better once I conquer them, and you two are going to help me do that."

"Why would we do that?" Nicolo asked in a flat voice. 

"Because it would be for the greater good," the warlord replied. There was a tiny change in Nicolo's expression at those words, and no one but Yusuf would have noticed. The warlord walked forward and smiled at Nicolo. "You are going to go out and kill my enemies for me because if you don't, I'm going to hurt your friend here, and he can take a lot of abuse."

"We won't help you," Yusuf snapped. The warlord looked from Nicolo and smiled at Yusuf. One of the guards handed the warlord a knife, and he casually walked over to Yusuf. Nicolo was clearly trying not to react, but it was all over his face how angry he was. The men holding Yusuf yanked one of his arms out, and the warlord began to cut into Yusuf's forearm. Nicolo took the men holding him by surprise as he tried to get the warlord away from Yusuf, but they held on tight. The warlord grinned, and Yusuf tried to close his eyes to the pain as the warlord cut into his body. None of the wounds were bad enough that they would kill him, but they all bled and made him weak. They all hurt so much, and no matter how much he tried, sometimes Yusuf screamed. Nicolo was yelling at the warlord, swearing at him in every language and some that Yusuf didn't even know, but the warlord didn't seem to care. 

"I'll be back in a couple of hours," the warlord said when Yusuf half-dead from blood loss and exhausted from healing so many wounds. "I'm going to do that again, and next time I'll take some skin too or a finger. I can only imagine how much that would hurt." The warlord and the guards left the two of them alone, and Nicolo was at his side in seconds. He was muttering something about forgiveness, but Yusuf waved him off. 

"Stop, you didn't do anything wrong," Yusuf said as Nicolo helped him sit down. He was dizzy, hungry, and thirsty, but he had a feeling that food and water were not going to be things that were provided by this man. 

"I'm failing," Nicolo whispered as he ran his fingers through Yusuf's hair.

"You aren't failing at anything," Yusuf said as he leaned into Nicolo's warmth.

"I'm failing at protecting the person I care about the most in the world," Nicolo whispered. The words were too honest, it was walking up to that line, and that thing they didn't talk about, but Yusuf was too tired and too weak to think about it. He must have been hallucinating too because he could have sworn he felt Nicolo place a soft kiss on his forehead. 

+++

The warlord came back four times, and each time he hurt Yusuf more and more. He kept his promise and removed some of the skin on Yusuf's arm, and seeing that heal was something he didn't want to repeat. On the third time, he removed Yusuf's pinky finger, and he and Nicolo had to watch in horror as the limb regrow. Neither of them had ever lost a limb before, and they weren't even sure that they would grow back. Apparently, they did, and Yusuf dug his nails into Nicolo's skin as the bone and muscle reform. The fourth time, the warlord took Yusuf's entire hand. He passed out not long after that, and he slept through much of the regrowing process. Yusuf came to with his head in Nicolo's lap and Nicolo's long fingers in his hair again.

The fifth time the warlord came in, Nicolo was on his feet in seconds and put himself between the warlord and Yusuf, which didn't make any sense. Yusuf knew he was the weaker of the two of them right now, but Nicolo couldn't kill an entire group of guards by himself. 

"Stop," Nicolo said when the warlord walked toward them. "I'll do it." 

"Nicolo," Yusuf hissed because they didn't discuss this. This wasn't something that they had talked about, and this wasn't what the plan was.

"Will you now," the warlord said with a smile, and Nicolo nodded. "Very well, I will send you to my enemies, and you will kill them so I can get more power. If you do as you are told, your friend won't be hurt." 

"I didn't agree to this," Yusuf snapped, but it was hard to look threatening when he was about to fall over. It seemed that Nicolo and the warlord were both ignoring him. 

"I want your word," Nicolo said, low and dangerous, and Yusuf could see the way the warlord's face fell a little at that tone of voice. Nicolo was kind, but he was deadly, dangerous, and not a man to be trifled with. His temper was worse than Yusuf's at times because his anger simmered beneath the surface. Nicolo didn't lash out unless he was pushed right toward the edge, and this was the edge. "I want your word that you will not harm him as long as I do what you want. Give me your word. If you truly think you are doing this for the greater good, then I want to hear you give your word, and I want to hear you mean it." 

"He won't be harmed. You have my word," the warlord replied, and he actually sounded sincere, which just made this even worse. Yusuf reached forward and took Nicolo by the arm. The guards in front of them tensed, but they didn't do anything. Nicolo glanced over his shoulder with that stubborn set of his jaw and shook his head ever so slightly. There wasn't anything Yusuf could do; there wasn't anything either of them could do right now; they were stuck. 

"Then we have an accord," the warlord said, and all of the charisma came back. "Nicolo is what he called you? Perfect, let's get started then." One of the guards took Nicolo by the arm and pulled him out of the cell as the warlord ordered another to stay by the door. He was the one who would hurt Yusuf if Nicolo tried anything. Yusuf punched a wall hard enough to break his own fingers and then resented the way the pain didn't stay. 

+++

He was alone for almost two days. Yusuf didn't want to think about what that man could be doing to Nicolo if he wasn't there to help, and it was made worse by the way the guards started bringing him food and water. They watched him eat, and one of them stayed near the door the entire time, but none of them touched him. It seemed that the word of a warlord was good, which was irritating. If someone attacked him maybe, Yusuf could get out of here, and Nicolo wouldn't have to hurt anyone. He slept a lot, got his strength back, and by the time the guards guided a stunned looking Nicolo into their cell, Yusuf felt like he was back to normal. The door slammed as he began to look Nicolo over for wounds. 

"It's not my blood," Nicolo whispered, but there was something far away in his eyes. He looked like he had seen something terrible, and Yusuf felt his insides twist. 

"Nicolo," Yusuf tried, but he didn't get any sort of reaction. "Nicolo," he said again but still nothing. "Nico, please, come back to me," Yusuf said, using a nickname that they hadn't ever used before. That seemed to be the thing that worked as Yusuf guided them both to the ground. "Can you tell me what happened?" 

"He wanted his enemy killed," Nicolo said. "But he didn't just want his enemy dead; he wanted his enemy's house dead. He wanted to send a message to the others that this would happen to them if they tried to stand up to him." Nicolo swallowed, and he seemed to be shaking a little. Yusuf wrapped his arms around him and let Nicolo dig his nails into Yusuf's skin. "He had a family. A wife, two children, and he wanted them all gone. He ordered me to kill them all." Yusuf had never hated a man more than he hated the warlord at that moment. Nicolo had made it through the Crusades without harming unarmed men, women, and children. The fact that this man made Nicolo dirty his hands with the blood of innocence in the name of doing good enraged Yusuf in a way he hadn't experienced in a long time. 

"Never again," Yusuf said as he framed Nicolo's face in his hands, so they were looking into each other's eyes. "You do not agree to that again. Whatever he does to me, I can handle it. We will figure out another way to get out of this but never again." Nicolo smiled, and it was so broken. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Yusuf's. 

"They send me out again tomorrow," Nicolo replied, and that hurt to hear. 

"I don't want you to do this for me. I don't want you to taint yourself to protect me," Yusuf snapped, and he wasn't sure who exactly he was angry at. Nicolo apparently thought it wasn't him. 

"I'd do anything to help you the same way you'd do anything to help me if they were threatening to harm me," Nicolo said. Yusuf wanted to yell that it wasn't true, but that would be a lie. He knew that he would taint his own hands with the blood of innocence for the man in his arms, and he hated that because it meant he didn't have an argument to keep Nicolo from going out there again. 

"They gave me food and water," Yusuf said, switching to Italian so any nearby guards couldn't understand them. "I'm almost at my full strength."

"They fed me as well," Nicolo also replied in Italian. It was dangerous to let these men know how much they meant to each other because it was leverage, but there was nothing that could be done. Yusuf wrapped his arms around Nicolo and held him close as they both fell asleep for the night. He needed to figure out a way to get them out of here before these men destroyed the kind heart that beat within Nicolo's chest.

+++

It takes Nicolo going out for three missions for the warlord and his guards to make a mistake. By then, both Nicolo and Yusuf were doing a good job of pretending that they were resigned to their fate. It made everyone a little less guarded, and all it took was Nicolo keeping one weapon on him from the third job for the warlord's neck to get opened in a bloody smile. There is nothing good about the way they escape. They find their weapons and cut through what feels like endless men. They take swords to the gut and knives to the chest, but somehow they manage to keep going. They leaned on each other as they walked out of the village, leaving nothing but bodies and men that would have no leaders.

"I managed to send a message to a nearby lord with enough men to kill the rest of them," Nicolo said as they leaned heavily on each other. They were both bleeding out and needed to stop so they could die and come back. "If my timing is correct, they should be here by the morning." 

"It took some time, but we did kill the man we were hired to kill," Yusuf said. "Do you think we're still going to get paid?" Nicolo huffed a laugh and spat some blood on the ground. They found a small place to hide for the night, and they died in each other's arms. When Yusuf came back, he was still pretty miserable, but he was alive and felt a little better. They were both tired, but they weren't starved or dehydrated or anything like that, so that made coming back a little easier. 

There was no hiding the blood when they stumbled to the inn where they had left their belongings. The innkeeper took one look at them and seemed to be debating whether or not to turn them away. 

"We don't have the water for a bath, but I can send up two buckets and some rags," she said. 

"That would be appreciated," Yusuf replied. They were running on borrowed energy by the time they got to the room, and when the two buckets and rags appeared, Yusuf was practically sleeping standing up, and Nicolo actually jumped at the knock. They clean the blood from their hands, their faces, and Yusuf caught himself looking when Nicolo stripped off his shirt to clean his chest; he could feel Nicolo watching him right back. They needed to speak, but now didn't feel like the time. They needed sleep first. 

Once they were as clean as they were going to get, and both of the buckets were a rusty red color from the blood, Nicolo and Yusuf changed into their sleeping clothes. They didn't bother to argue about the bed; Nicolo climbed in, and Yusuf climbed in behind him. If Yusuf held onto Nicolo a little harder than usual, no one would know, and if Nicolo leaned into Yusuf's warmth a little, neither of them brought it up. 

"I'm sorry," Yusuf whispered into Nicolo's skin. "I'm sorry you had to go on three of those jobs. I'm sorry that he made you hurt people."

"We got away, and we survived. That's what matters in the end," Nicolo replied. There was more to be said there, but Yusuf drifted off to sleep. 

+++

It was mid-afternoon by the time Yusuf woke up, and he wasn't surprised to find the bed next to him empty. The world was a little out of focus, but when he looked up, he saw Nicolo sitting on the floor, carefully polishing his scimitar. It was a kind gesture to see his blade clean and sharp again, and there was something out seeing it in Nicolo's hands that made his stomach twist. They needed to talk about this. There wasn't any hiding from what was going on anymore. Yusuf sat up and made his way across the room to Nicolo. He offered a hand which Nicolo looked a little bemused about but took nevertheless. Yusuf pulled Nicolo to his feet but didn't release his hand. They stood there in the room, surrounded by their weapons and water with their blood in it, and watched each other. 

"I don't want to stop," Yusuf said. "That night, when we were together and we were both lying that we were drunk, I said we shouldn't do this anymore. I made excuses. I was lying."

"I was too," Nicolo said quietly. "I don't know how to describe how much you mean to me, Yusuf. I don't know how to tell you how much less frightening the potential of our long lives is with you by my side."

"All I want is to be by your side, Nico," Yusuf said, and the nickname made Nicolo blush slightly, which was just so endearing. "We've been linked for years and traveling together for even longer. I have no doubt we were meant to find each other on the battlefield." 

"Like destiny?" Nicolo asked. 

"Like destiny. You are my destiny." Yusuf leaned forward until he pressed his forehead to Nicolo's, and they just stayed closed for a moment. It took more courage than Yusuf cared to admit to wrap his arms around Nicolo's neck, and he could feel Nicolo's hands shaking when they settled on his waist. It was nice to be held like this, but Yusuf wanted more. "I want to be with you, Nico. I want you so much, it hurts. I looked for any excuse to get drunk with you just so I could touch you, to soothe that ache." 

"How is it that we've known each other this long, and I never knew you were a poet," Nicolo said, and they both laughed silently. "I want you too, but I don't---priests don't take lovers, and I've been a priest my entire life. You are the only one I've ever known." It made Yusuf's breath catch that he was the only for Nicolo, and it also made him feel even more protective. 

"I admit I only know some things as well, but we have all the time in the world to figure it out," he replied. Nicolo laughed again, and they finally closed the distance between them. It was like the kiss they shared after they laid together by the fire, soft, exploring, loving as if Yusuf was listening to his inner poet. They stood in the middle of the room, wrapped up in each other, kissing for a long time. Nicolo broke away, and he walked backward, pulling Yusuf toward their shared bed. It was a small bed for two men, but they always made it work, and they would make it work this time too. Nicolo settled right in the middle of the bed and smirked. Yusuf couldn't walk away from that look if he wanted to. 

He settled on top of Nicolo and kissed him again, but this kiss was different. Now there were teeth and tongues, and they began to push against each other. Their sleep clothes were much thinner, and there wasn't any hiding how much this affected either of them. The longer they kissed, the more frantic both of them started to get. It was a struggle to stop kissing Nicolo long enough to get their shirts off but having so much skin to touch was even better. Nicolo was a piece of art, and he couldn't wait to sketch him. He hadn't drawn in years but looking at Nicolo's body, flushed with his lips slightly swollen and his hair a mess, was pure inspiration. It took considerable effort to stop staring at Nicolo's body long enough to kiss him again.

They were grinding against each other again, but it wasn't enough. Yusuf was starting to think that he wasn't ever going to have enough of this man underneath him. Unlike when they tore their shirts off, it was a little different when it came to taking off their pants. Yusuf hadn't been naked with someone since Menna, and it was so different to feel a man beneath his hands. There was a little water left in a nearby canteen, which was all they had right now. Yusuf heard whores speak about oil, but they didn't have any of that at the moment. This would have to do. Yusuf took Nicolo and himself into his wet hand and began to touch them both. 

Nicolo was so beautifully reactive beneath him, and Yusuf changed how he moved his hand by how Nicolo responded. Nicolo gasped against Yusuf's mouth and pulled on his hair in a way that made Yusuf see stars. He didn't think that sex could ever be like this. Yusuf had enjoyed and loved Menna, but their couplings weren't very passionate. This was like his entire body was on fire, and Nicolo was the only thing that could put the flames out. The image of Nicolo coming was so beautiful it was the very thing that made Yusuf fall over the edge as well. Nicolo barely let Yusuf catch his breath before yanking him into a harsh kiss. 

They laid there, wrapped up in each other, just touching and kissing and smiling and laughing. They tested to see how long it would take a bruise to fade from Nicolo's throat, and Nicolo discovered just how sensitive Yusuf's nipples were. Eventually, Yusuf went and got them a rag to clean themselves up with, but he crawled back into bed and kissed Nicolo softly. It would be more dangerous for them like this; most places in the world frowned on two men being together like they were but looking into Nicolo's beautiful eyes, Yusuf knew it was worth the risk, and judging by the way Nicolo was looking right back at him he did too. 

"I need to tell you a secret," Yusuf whispered into Nicolo's ear as he took the lobe between his teeth. "I'm quite certain I'm in love with you, Nicolo di Genova." 

"That's good, Yusuf Al-Kaysani," Nicolo replied as he guided Yusuf back so they could look into each other's eyes. "It would be quite awkward if I was the only one." It was hard to kiss someone when you were smiling like idiots, but Yusuf and Nicolo found a way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for another chapter. I very much tried to keep my timeline consistent here, but feel free to let me know if I botched it. I finished outlining the story last night but going over the things I'm counting, it's going to be more like a 6+1 instead of a 5+1, but just roll with the whump; it's fine. This chapter's warnings include some sexy times, more violence and blood, and my hypothesis about what would happen if a member of the Old Guard got their teeth broken. It's not graphic, but I explain what they need to do to fix the problem. The story is flowing well, and I should finish this by the end of the month as planned. Thank you all for all of your kind comments, and let me know if you think the M rating is all right. I never know what kind of sexy times push a story from M to E, so if I need to adjust the rating, let me know. You should follow me on [Tumblr](https://safaiagem.tumblr.com/) too because I do post previews there. Also, feel free to drop any asks in my ask box there as well. Thank you all for reading, and your comments and kudos mean the world to me.

Nicolo was surprised how much changed and how much stayed the same when he and Yusuf finally admitted what they felt about each other. When they were out in public, nothing changed. They acted like friends and nothing more, and they had to be careful even how they touched each other to make sure that no one suspected anything. However, when they were alone, everything was different. Now they could touch each other all the time; they could kiss whenever they wanted, they could share beds and hold each other through the nightmares. It was a strange juxtaposition. Nicolo needed someone to hold him through the nightmares as he thought about the people he had to kill to keep Yusuf safe.

It was hard to think about what he would do to keep that man safe. He would slaughter entire armies if it meant getting to him. He would cut down just about anyone. Nicolo tried his best not to let his temper get the best of him, but as he laid in bed one morning and Yusuf was holding him, he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was dangerous to feel this strongly about someone, but he wouldn't change it for the world. The nagging voice in the back of his head said that this was wrong, that loving a man was against the teachings of God, but that didn't make any sense. No one other than God could have brought them together, and God made Yusuf feel like the other half of his soul. How could someone condemn that?

They got the money on for the warlord and made their way west as fast as possible. It was nice to see more familiar-looking landmarks, but Nicolo was not ready to go back to Genova. It had only been forty years since he left, and he didn't want to risk someone seeing him that used to know him. If he was going to go home, he needed to wait another couple of decades. Yusuf was fine with that, and they spent some time in Athens. They rented an apartment on the top floor of a small building where they had no neighbors that could hear them, and Nicolo very much planned to take advantage of that. 

He pushed Yusuf into the door and pinned him there as they started to kiss one another. Yusuf dropped his bags and wrapped his arms around Nicolo to hold him close. They stayed there, kissing against the door for a long time until it was getting late, and they did need to move. 

"Nico, you are a tease," Yusuf said when Nicolo pulled away. He smirked and thought about the purchase that was sitting at the bottom of his bag. It was something he was very much planning on using. They walked around the small apartment; it didn't have much, but there was enough for both of them, and the bed looked bigger than any bed they had ever slept in together. "I think we can get away with staying here for about ten years." 

"Yes, any longer than they and they'll notice that we don't age," Nicolo replied, and he shuttered. He didn't want to think about a city as big as this finding out that they couldn't age. They were surrounded by people, and the idea was to blend in, but Nicolo only saw enemies. He saw people that might want to hurt him or hurt Yusuf which was not acceptable. He would not risk Yusuf's life, not ever. They cooked a small meal in their new kitchen and watched the sun go down from the roof of the building. Nicolo took Yusuf's hand and pulled him down to their bedroom, and Yusuf smirked. 

"I know that look, Nico, and that look always means good things for me," he said.

"We're not going to be sharing a tiny bed where we both barely fit," Nicolo said, and he stopped to dig into his bag. He pulled out the small vial of oil and held up for Yusuf to see. "I also got us something we should have gotten ages ago." While they had confessed how they felt about each other months ago, there hadn't been time or place to really explore one another. They kissed, they touched each other, but Nicolo wanted more, and he knew that Yusuf did too. Yusuf looked at the oil and yanked Nicolo into a rough kiss. He started to walk them backward, but Nicolo was faster. He twisted and pushed Yusuf down onto the bed. 

"Oh, is that how it is?" Yusuf sat sitting up on his elbows. 

"It is," Nicolo replied as he climbed into Yusuf's lap. Nicolo wasn't ever going to get tired of how good it felt to have Yusuf underneath him. The scratch of his beard, how his curls felt between Nicolo's fingers, everything about him was beautiful. Yusuf was the poet; he was the one who would whisper beautiful words into Nicolo's ear while jerking him off. Now they had a place to stay that was theirs, for the time being, with a locked door and no one who could tell what they were doing. They finally had the time to really know each other, and Nicolo was planning on taking advantage of it. "I have a confession," Nicolo said as he lazily rolled his hips against Yusuf. It wasn't enough for either of them, not by a long shot, but it was the spark that would light the fire. 

"And what is that?" Yusuf asked. 

"When I was off on my own to get that oil, I may have stopped at a brothel, and I may have paid a few of the ladies there to tell me exactly how we can be together," Nicolo said. Yusuf blinked and stared at him like he was having a hard time understanding the sentence that just came out of Nicolo's mouth. 

"Let me see if I understand this," Yusuf said as he sat up, so they were chest to chest and nose to nose. "You went to a brothel and paid several of the whores there to tell you how you and I can have sex." 

"Without hurting one another," Nicolo explained because that was the big thing. He understood the basic mechanics, but he wanted to make sure neither of them was in pain. Nicolo didn't want their coupling to have any pain, not unless it was something they both had agreed to ahead of time. "They were very detailed." 

"I thought you looked a little flushed. I figured it was the heat," Yusuf said, and Nicolo laughed as they finally kissed. It didn't take long for the kiss to get heated or for either of them to start pulling off various articles of clothing. Nicolo settled between Yusuf's legs and looked up at him. Yusuf swallowed and nodded. Nicolo put a generous amount of oil on his fingers and teased Yusuf's entrance. He watched every tiny expression that Yusuf made and adjusted what he was doing accordingly. It took a considerable amount of time for Nicolo to get even one finger in, but they finally moved to two. He twisted them in the way that the whores told him to, and the sound Yusuf made was unlike anything he had ever heard. The moan sounded like it was punched out of him, and he was breathing hard. 

Nicolo whispered into Yusuf's skin what a good job he was doing. He wasn't quite ready to take Yusuf into his mouth yet, but he laid some soft kisses down on him as he added a third finger. It was hard to tell if Yusuf was ready, but he was babbling that he was, and all he wanted was Nicolo to get inside of him immediately. Nicolo was not one to deny the man he loved, and he pushed inside slowly. It was tighter and hotter than anything he had ever experienced, and it took all Nicolo's self-control not to come right away. It took a little work to figure out where their limbs would go, but eventually, Nicolo was able to move in and out while looking into Yusuf's eyes. 

"Touch me," Yusuf whispered, and Nicolo barely had to lay a hand on him before Yusuf shouted loud enough that he was glad they didn't have neighbors. Nicolo pumped his hips two more times and gasped. If he thought the first time by the fire was intense, it was nothing compared to this. Nicolo tried to slow his breathing, but he pulled out and all but collapsed next to Yusuf on the bed. They were both covered in sweat and other bodily fluids, there was oil on the bed, and everything was just a little disgusting. 

It was perfect. 

When they were both able to move again, Nicolo leaned in, and they sleepily kissed each other for a long time. They had time; they had a decade here, where they could do whatever they wanted. There would be work to do, but that didn't mean they couldn't use this time to get to know each other even more. It didn't mean that they couldn't use this time to truly learn each other's bodies because time and privacy were beautiful things. Yusuf whispered about how good Nicolo was, how beautiful he looked when they made love, how much he loved him, and Nicolo smiled as he listened to the words. He looked forward to hearing them so many times in the coming years. 

+++

Two days after they arrived in Athens, Yusuf pinned Nicolo to the bed, and he got his chance to feel what it was like to have Yusuf inside of him. Nicolo arched his back and came with Yusuf's name on his lips and Yusuf's teeth in his neck. They laid side by side and came to the conclusion that they enjoyed both options the same and would just do whatever felt right in the moment. Nicolo would take Yusuf in any form he could have him. They explored what the other liked, and by the time the first year ended, Nicolo knew exactly how to touch Yusuf to make him weak in the knees, and Yusuf knew the same for him.

Nicolo didn't even realize he was falling into old habits until much too late. He always carried guilt with him, and Yusuf once told him that he doesn't carry it well, which made him laugh. The basis of his faith was so centered on being guilty that the fact that he didn't carry it well, as a former priest, was just funny. Nicolo tried not to carry the guilt of the Crusades with him, and he tried not to carry the guilt of the people he had to kill to keep Yusuf safe, but there was another layer to it that was hard to put into words. 

"You aren't a bad person," Yusuf said to him one-night apropos of nothing, and Nicolo blinked at him. They were in the sitting room relaxing after a long day before they needed to make dinner for the night. It was domestic and the sort of life that Nicolo never thought he would have the chance to have. "Your guilt, it's weighing you down, I can tell. You are not a bad person, Nico, no matter what that little voice in your head says." 

"You don't know that for sure," Nicolo whispered, and Yusuf moved to sit next to him. He felt Yusuf put his arm around his shoulders and hold Nicolo close. 

"I know you aren't because a bad person wouldn't carry the guilt like you do. A bad person would feel nothing," Yusuf said, and Nicolo felt his blood run cold. He moved away from Yusuf and stumbled toward one of the open windows. He tried to get fresh air into his lungs, but it was difficult. He felt strong arms wrap around his waist as Yusuf held him gently. "What troubles you so much?"

"You said a good person wouldn't carry the guilt that I carry, and maybe that applies to the things I stood by and let happen during the Crusades but not the people I killed for the warlord," Nicolo said. "A good person would feel guilty, but I don't. I don't feel guilt for killing them because it meant keeping you safe." Yusuf froze at his back for just a second and began to kiss Nicolo's neck softly. 

"I still do not think you're a bad person," Yusuf said, and Nicolo opened his mouth to disagree, but Yusuf squeezed him to let Nicolo know not to speak. "You say you don't feel guilt for what you did to those people, yet here you stand, barely able to breathe, because you feel so guilty that you don't feel guilty. Nico, my love, you are one of the kindest souls I have ever met, and nothing in the last near fifty years has changed that. You were kind before we even met, and I saw you in my dreams. You were as kind as a soldier could be during war. You never killed in a way that would leave someone to suffer. You made sure everyone died quickly, and I don't think you realize how kind that is during a war like that. You have always been kind, and my greatest fear for our many lifetimes together is that this cruel world will break that kind heart of yours." Nicolo swallowed and finally took a deep breath. His pulse slowed, and he felt a little less like a weight was crushing him. He turned around and wrapped his arms around Yusuf's neck. 

"And what if it does? What if the world does my break my kind heart? Where does that leave me?" he asked, but that wasn't really the question he was asking. He wanted to know if Yusuf would still love him if his kind heart weren't there anymore. Yusuf leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. 

"It's you and me," Yusuf whispered. "Someday, we will find the women that walk the world like we do, but even then, it will always be you and me. Nothing is going to change that."

"You're such a romantic," Nicolo said as their lips brushed together. Yusuf huffed a laugh as he moved to kiss along Nicolo's jawline to his neck.

"Only for you, my love, only for you," Yusuf whispered into his skin. They went back to their room not long after, and usually, Nicolo slept on his side with Yusuf at his back. Tonight, he needed something different as he wrapped himself around Yusuf and put his head on Yusuf's chest. His immortal heart beat steadily, and it was the thing that began to lull him to sleep. Yusuf kissed the top of his head, and they fell asleep in each other's arms. 

+++

There were jobs too. It was a city, which meant there was always something going on, so Nicolo and Yusuf kept themselves busy. They became known as the mercenaries from far away to their neighbors. People started coming to their doors with everything from noisy neighbors to bandits attacking people traveling between cities. It was good work, and Nicolo didn't mind doing what he could to help other people stay safe. The more jobs they took, the better fighters they both became. It wasn't uncommon for them to head to the roof of their building and spend several hours teaching each other how to fight. It was even more fun when Yusuf suggested they learn how to wield each other's weapons. 

If that training sometimes turned into foreplay for something more well, Nicolo was not a man to ignore the many blessings given to him. 

That didn't mean the jobs always went right. They three years into their stay in Athens, and they were on their way home from a job when a group of bandits got the jump on them. It ended with Nicolo getting his head nearly cut off while Yusuf was dragged away. It took several times for him to come back entirely, and when Nicolo could, he was beyond furious. He knew what he looked like when he stomped into that camp, covered in his own blood and snarling like a wild animal, but they had spent the last several hours beating Yusuf no doubt to death over and over again. Nicolo would not stand for it, and he cut the men to ribbons while embracing that anger. He dropped to his knees next to Yusuf and cradled his head. 

"My hero," Yusuf rasped around broken teeth. Nicolo winced because teeth were something that hurt to grow back. They would have to pull the broken ones to let new ones grow in, but that was something they could deal with at another time. Nicolo leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Yusuf as they both just breathed for a moment. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't faster," Nicolo said, and Yusuf shook his head. They were both exhausted from dying multiple times but now wasn't the time. They needed to find somewhere to rest and for Nicolo to pull the broken teeth. They couldn't walk into Athens with Yusuf's teeth a mess and then have them fine the next day. Their horses were dead, and the bandit's horses had run away when Nicolo attacked. They leaned against each other until they found a small farm with a family willing to give them somewhere to stay for the night. Nicolo didn't know why they said yes, considering what they must have looked like, but he did hear someone place something heavy in front of the door, so maybe it wasn't as kind as he thought it was. It took several hours to get them both to a state where they could heal properly, and Nicolo closed his eyes as Yusuf held him. 

The years went by, and they continued to dream about the women that moved through time the same way they did. The dreams were too vague to even begin to understand where they were or how they could find them, but Nicolo figured that they had time. Right now, he wanted to focus on Yusuf, and that was exactly what he did. He wanted to spend time overcoming that voice in his head that sometimes said that this was wrong or that said he wasn't deserving of the happiness he had with Yusuf. It wasn't easy, but Nicolo wouldn't change a thing about any of it. The years in Athens were good, and by the time the decade ended, and they needed to move on, Nicolo truly felt like he had made some progress while somehow staying the same. 

+++

They began to travel through the rest of Europe on and off for the next forty years until they found the small island of Malta. It was beautiful, and neither of them could get enough of it. This time they bought a house and planned to try and figure out a way that they could keep it even after they needed to leave after a decade. They spent time on the beach, enjoying the sights, working when they needed to and staying home when they didn't, and just being with each other. Back in Athens, Yusuf began to sketch again, but it was in Malta that he began to paint. Nicolo would wake up from naps to find Yusuf painting or sketching him. It got to the point that it was so normal that Nicolo didn't even blush about it anymore. The sketches and paintings were beautiful, and Nicolo wished they could sell them without giving away what they were. It wasn't worth the risk, and Yusuf hoarded the many pictures of Nicolo for himself while sometimes painting the landscapes that they could sell. 

One day, they were in the market when Nicolo looked up and saw one of the women from his dreams. Her hair was black, and over her shoulder in a long blade, Nicolo could see a circular ax weapon that he was unfamiliar with at her back, and she was smirking. The other woman was nowhere to be seen, and Yusuf was back at their home. Nicolo was fairly sure that this woman was like him and couldn't die, but that didn't mean he trusted her right away. He stared at her down and didn't flinch when she walked right up to him. There was something ancient about her that made him want to ask what the world was like hundreds or thousands of years ago. Instead, she moved faster than he could even see and press a knife right near his kidney. 

"Walk out of the market, and I won't make you bleed out in front of all of these people," she said, and Nicolo narrowed his eyes. 

"You know what they would do if that happened," he said, and she smiled and nodded. He didn't have much of a choice, and Nicolo walked out of the market and toward the home he shared with Yusuf. She kept the blade pressed into him even when there weren't any people around. "Are you going to keep that thing there, or are we going to have a civil conversation?" 

"I know you only from my dreams, and they can't tell me what kind of person you are, Nicolo," the woman said. So she knew his name, which meant that she probably knew Yusuf's as well. He was just about at the front door when Yusuf walked out with his scimitar in hand. 

"Stop right there," another voice said, and they both looked to see the other woman up in their lone tree with an arrow pointed directly at Yusuf. These women knew who they were and what they could do, but they also seemed like they had been doing this longer. If there were anyone who could make it hurt, it would be them, and Nicolo wasn't keen to find that out. Yusuf sighed and dropped his weapon in surrender. The woman bullied them into their own home and forced them both to sit down. They muttered to each other in a language that Nicolo didn't recognize, which was fascinating. 

"So, when did you first die?" the woman the ax asked. This was a strange conversation, and Nicolo glanced at Yusuf, who shrugged. 

"About fifty years ago," Yusuf replied. 

"And what about you?" the other woman asked Nicolo, and he blinked. 

"Also fifty years ago," he replied. The two women stared at them and spoke to each other in that language again. 

"Are you telling me you died and came back at the same time?" the one with the ax asked. 

"We killed each other and then came back," Yusuf explained, which was a very brief way of explaining how the two of them met. 

"Huh, interesting, my name is Andromache, and this is Quynh," Andromache introduced, and the two women finally put down their weapons. "And we know you're Yusuf and Nicolo, and you're the only other two we know of in the entire world." 

Andromache and Quynh were much older than them, but both women commented that it was rude to ask a lady their ages. Nicolo pulled out a bottle of wine or two, and the four of them started talking about everything. It was strange to meet someone else who knew what they were going through. If either of them had an opinion on Nicolo and Yusuf living together, they didn't say. The conversation was mostly light, but at one point, Andromache turned to Quynh and nodded. 

"There is something that you need to know," Andromache said. "There was another, before you two, his name was Lykon. One day, he got hurt, and his wounds just didn't heal. There wasn't any explanation or reason for it; one moment, he could survive anything, and the next, he was gone. You two need to know that someday, you're going to die, just the same as every other mortal on this planet. It's just going to take much, much longer. Right now, you don't have to worry. You're too young but in a couple hundred years? Well, it could happen," Nicolo didn't know why his first reaction was to argue that it wasn't possible, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. He wanted to reach forward and take Yusuf's hand, but affection in front of other people was not something that they did. Andromache seemed to realize that she just turned their entire concept of living upside down, and maybe they needed a little space. Her and Quynh stood up, walked toward the door. 

"We'll stay in town a few more days, and then we'd like to keep moving. The two of you can come with us if you want," Quynh explained. "We're not supposed to be alone." Andromache and Quynh let themselves out of the house because Nicolo was apparently not in the headspace to handle that. They sat in total silence for a few minutes as they both tried to come to terms with this. 

"So we can die," Yusuf said carefully. "We just don't know when or how long it's going to be. It could come tomorrow."

"She made it sound like we're too young for that to happen," Nicolo whispered, and he leaned forward and ran his fingers through his hair. The idea of Yusuf dying and leaving him behind was something Nicolo hadn't considered in a very long time. Ever since they figured out that killing each other didn't work and neither did getting killed by someone else, they had lived their lives like they weren't ever going to die. Yet here was a woman telling them that someday they would die and they would have no way to prepare for it. There was no way to know when it would happen. 

There was no way to know if he and Yusuf would die together. 

Nicolo reached forward and grasped Yusuf's hand, and they both sat there coming to terms with all of this. They came into this life together, and the thought of not leaving it together was more terrifying than the idea of still being up on that cross. Quynh said that they weren't supposed to be alone, that their dreams brought them together, yet this could just as easily tear them apart as well, and it was a lot to think about. Nicolo glanced at Yusuf and could see that he was dealing with the same feelings.

They wordlessly walked back to their bedroom, hand in hand, and spent the rest of the day just touching and kissing each other. They didn't bother to remove clothes or try to chase release; they just spent the day being together. It was nice and something that Nicolo planned to treasure for as long as he could have it. They were wrapped up in each other, the sun was down, and they hadn't spoken in hours. Yusuf was running his fingers through Nicolo's hair as they both just laid there. 

"Do you think we can trust them?" Yusuf asked. 

"About as much as you could trust me at the beginning, which is not much at all," Nicolo replied. "However, they are much older than us, and they know things about this condition that we don't. They know how to move through the world without someone spotting the fact that we don't age. They know how to use this condition for what it is; a blessing." 

"You think of it as a blessing?" Yusuf asked, and Nicolo moved, so he was looking into Yusuf's eyes.

"It's giving me you for who knows how many years, decades, centuries, how could that be anything other than a blessing?" he replied. 

"I'm rubbing off on you if you're spouting poetry like that, Nico," Yusuf said with a smile, but Nicolo rolled his eyes. He was about to make a very dirty joke about rubbing off on each other, but he was enjoying the mood too much. They kissed again and stayed close, so they were breathing the same air. Yusuf reached forward and placed a hand over Nicolo's heart and kept it there as if assuring himself that it still beat.

"We can't trust them, not yet, but we've been dreaming about them for years. If they were bad people, I think we would have seen it, and I think they know about us," Nicolo said softly, and Yusuf tensed a little. The idea of anyone else knowing what they did behind closed doors was a subject that they visited often. "If the idea repulsed them, I don't think they would have tried to find us." 

"Well, I haven't had older sisters in half a century," Yusuf said, and the decision was made. They would go with Andromache and Quynh out into the world and see how they moved through it. Nicolo just hoped that they could trust them and that they wouldn't have to hide who they were. His own older siblings hadn't cared for him, and the idea of having older sisters was very appealing. Nicolo rolled onto his side as Yusuf settled at his back and held him close. They slept, and for the first time in a long time, neither of them dreamed. 

+++

Andromache and Quynh came back to the house two days later with full packs and four horses like they knew the two of them were going to say yes. They smiled when they said their intentions to join them, and just like that, Nioclo had two more people in his life for the first time half a century. He was right to assume that Andromache and Quynh knew that they were together when Yusuf was clearly trying not to touch Nicolo after a close call, and Andromache rolled her eyes. 

"We know you two are together," Andromache said, which was a relief to hear.

"We would be quite the hypocrites if we did have a problem with it," Quynh said, and Yusuf choked on some of his food. Both Andromache and Quynh smirked at his reaction, but they looked at each other fondly. 

"When you've been alive as long as we have, things like that matter a lot less," Andromache said with a shrug. "And if you want to bring religion into it, well, I was once worshiped as a god, and here we are." Nicolo found this all fascinating, but it did make a little sense in context. There were things that he just cared about less now that he was pushing 100. They went around Europe, enjoyed the sites and the sounds, and helped fight in various wars when they could. Andromache and Quynh liked to say that they weren't on a particular side overall, but they did try to do the right thing and help the right people when they could. It was more or less how Nicolo and Yusuf had lived their first few decades together. It was surprising to see that neither of the women was cynical either, even though they had seen so much. 

"Did you fear death again when Lykon died?" Nicolo asked one day after they had been traveling together on and off for nearly a century. 

"Yes and no," Andromache replied as she sharpened her weapons. "You can't do what we do if you're afraid to die. When it's your time, it's your time. Like I told you when we met, Nicolo, we die just the same as them. It just takes us a lot longer." It was interesting to see Andromache and Quynh fight and work together. They were hyper-aware of where the other was, and they could nearly read each other's minds. There were little things that he noticed they did that he almost hoped that he and Yusuf would do someday. They were comfortable with each other, even in public, and they didn't have a care in the world. If someone saw them and didn't like what they were seeing, they did not care. 

"Must be nice," Yusuf said after they had gone their separate ways for the first time in a couple of years. The last job had been rough, with all of them dying multiple times. The deaths didn't affect them as much now, they weren't as exhausted when they got back up, and it almost seemed like they were healing even faster as the years went on, but every cut still hurt, and every time they gasped back to life there was pain. Nicolo and Yusuf went back to Malta for the first time in a long time to the house they still owned and paid various people to keep an eye on. Houses were the things they kept buying and keeping in various cities. It seemed like the best way to hold onto something when money didn't mean much. 

"To what?" Nicolo asked. 

"To be so brazen with their affections in public," Yusuf replied. "I wish I had the confidence to do that with you. I would scream it from the rooftops if I didn't think someone would take my head." They were just lying on the bed, but Nicolo moved, so he was looking down at Yusuf. 

"I don't need you to scream it from anywhere. I just need you," Nicolo replied. Yusuf smiled softly and cupped his cheek. 

"You are a wonder," Yusuf whispered. He pulled Nicolo down into a soft kiss, and they spent the rest of the night in bed. The job meant they hadn't had time to be around each other, and even though Andromache and Qyunh didn't care, they were both still hesitant to let anyone else see how much they cared about each other. It was so ingrained that sometimes Nicolo wondered if this was going to be one of the things they carried into the next century. He was not ashamed of his love for Yusuf, and he knew that Yusuf wasn't ashamed of him too. They both knew how people would react if they knew about the two of them and not just because of the immortality. Two men loving each other was still dangerous, and caring about someone as much as they cared about each other was even more so. "I love you," Yusuf whispered against Nicolo's lips in the dark. "Would you like to know a secret?" 

"What did you do now?" Nicolo asked, and Yusuf retaliated by nipping on his lower lip. 

"I did nothing," Yusuf replied, which probably wasn't a lie. "The secret is I would marry you the moment that we could without getting stoned alive. I would make you my husband in a heartbeat if I could." Nicolo blinked because he hadn't thought of marriage in such a long time. Marriage wasn't something Nicolo the priest got to have but Nicolo the man who was over 100 years old? That was different. He already thought of Yusuf as his one and only but declaring their love before God? That was something Nicolo didn't think he would ever have. He leaned forward and kissed Yusuf and stayed close. 

"I would love to declare my love for you in God's house or any house," Nicolo said. "I love you, and that means I love you with or without being married to you. Someday, when we can, we will. When you ask, I will say yes, and we'll go." Yusuf blinked like he was surprised that Nicolo would say that. One moment they were looking at each other, and the second Yusuf had rolled them over and was kissing the breath from Nicolo's. He wouldn't trade moments like this for the world, even if they had to keep them private at the moment. Maybe someday, that would change, but this was more than enough for now. 

+++

Nicolo did a little math in his head one day and realized he'd been alive for 400 years. He didn't know when that happened or how time seemed to be getting away from him, but here they were. They were in eastern Europe, and there was a town where people were mysteriously vanishing. It was also the type of town where two men or two women walking around would lead to some attention. So as much as Nicolo didn't want to do it, they had to split up. Andromache and Yusuf were in one group while Nicolo was with Quynh. He and Quynh got along very well, and she made him an even better shot with a bow and arrow than he already was. She was fierce and protective and loved to call him "little brother," which always made Nicolo smile. Both her and Andromache treated him and Yusuf like younger siblings. It was nice to have people looking out for him again. 

They rode into town in the early morning, and Nicolo could already feel people watching them very carefully. Yusuf and Andromache were checking the next town over to make sure the vanishing there weren't connected as well. Nicolo channeled the priest he hadn't been for 400 years and put a calm and peaceful expression on his face. Quynh made herself look a little smaller, and she kept her eyes on the ground. She could kick the shit out of him, yet she was the one who needed to act weak. They climbed off of their horses and checked into the local inn for a week. At the end of the week, Yusuf and Andromache would make their way into town, and they would compile all of the information they managed to get. 

Nicolo pushed open the door to their room and wasn't surprised to see that there was only one bed. The moment the door closed, Quynh's entire personality changed, and she was the strong and competent woman he knew all too well. She put her hands on her hips and looked around. 

"Well, Nico, it looks like we're going to be sharing," she said. 

"I won't tell Yusuf if you won't tell Andromache," Nicolo deadpanned, and Quynh smirked. They both began to unpack and set up the things they would need to get through the next week. "I think we're in the right place, by the way." 

"I think so too," Quynh replied. "This is a place that doesn't get outsiders, or it's a place where outsiders don't last long. I've seen that look that the villagers have in the past; they are looking for an excuse to either throw us out or take our heads. That being said, they could just be assholes who don't want anyone in their town, and they aren't connected to the people vanishing, but something tells me it isn't." 

"We should assume that we're being watched at all times," Nicolo said, and Quynh hummed in agreement. "I'm afraid that means you have to pretend that you're my wife, Quynh. Once again, she smirked and walked over to pat his cheek. 

"Don't worry, little brother; we'll be fine. Even if they do throw us out, then we know we need to come back and take care of things. Andromache and Yusuf will be here by the end of the week, and then we can both admit our true feelings for our friends and run out of town. It'll be very dramatic." Nicolo rolled his eyes and didn't bother to try and refute that. If Quynh wanted to cause a scene, then she would cause a scene. It also meant that they had to be on guard all the time, which was irritating.

Nicolo spent the next hour going through the room to make sure that no one could be listening in from strange places. He hoped that he was just being paranoid, but paranoia had saved his life on a couple of different occasions. There was no reason he couldn't be a little paranoid right now. There didn't appear to be anything, and Quynh pushed the only chair against the door. There was an argument about who would sleep with their back to the wall and who would face the door that mostly ended when Quynh said that Nicolo should "respect his elders," and that was about the end of that. Nicolo didn't like having his back to the wall, but this is what he got. Quynh was facing the door, and Nicolo slept at her back like Yusuf did when they slept together. 

The concept of boundaries had gotten very blurry for the four of them over the last few centuries. They never slept with each other, but sleeping close and cuddling were very common. If a mission was bad, Andromache would find some way to pile them all together so they could sleep and make sure everyone else was nearby. So Quynh didn't mind when Nicolo put his arm around her waist and held her close because it wasn't sexual. It was just something that family did, and he would do anything for her. 

The next day, Nicolo stuffed a knife into his boot as he and Quynh had to leave their most obvious weapons in the room. There should be a small market that they could take a look in and maybe find some hints about what was going on here. There was a small tavern at the inn, and the keeper served them some lukewarm food that was pretty much tasteless. Nicolo knew what it meant to starve to death, so he never turned down food, no matter how badly it might taste. Quynh didn't either. The innkeeper didn't ask what they were doing in town or anything like that. He just stood behind the bar and glared at them. It was becoming more and more obvious that this place really didn't like outsiders. 

Quynh took Nicolo's hand and threaded their fingers together as they began to walk toward the market. The inn wasn't quite in town, so there was a short walk, but Nicolo didn't make it more than a few steps before the world tilted to the side, and he was stumbling. 

"Quynh," he said, but she was stumbling too. Nicolo glanced over his shoulder and saw that the innkeeper had come outside and was smirking as they both swayed. He must have put something in their food, which was really irritating. There wasn't any point in pretending not to be warriors anymore. Nicolo reached into his boot and pulled out the knife, but it was strong whatever this was. 

"Nico," Quynh said, and when Nicolo turned to look, he nearly fell over. The entire village was making their way toward them, and they all looked hungry. He really hoped that these people weren't going to try and eat them alive; that was not a way that Nicolo ever wanted to die. He forced himself to stay as upright as possible, and he lashed out at the first person who got close enough. The man screamed as Nicolo's knife cut his stomach wide open. Quynh was lashing out the same way, but it was getting harder and harder to stay on his feet. 

"Stay back," the innkeeper said, and everyone in the village took a large step back from them. At this point, Nicolo and Quynh were using each other to remain standing, which wasn't going to end well for either of them. "They'll fall eventually, and we don't want to lose one of our own." Now would have been a good time to ask if this is what happened to anyone who passed through this town, but Nicolo knew he wouldn't be able to form the words. The world was starting to get a little dark around the edges. He wanted to tell them that this was asking for Andromache and Yusuf to come in and slaughter everyone here. He wanted to tell them that by hurting him and Quynh, they were going to suffer. He couldn't say anything because whatever this was, it took away his ability to form words. 

Quynh finally fell to the ground, and Nicolo fell to his knees. He kept the knife in his hand, but his hand was going numb. The only way he knew he dropped the knife was when he saw it fall to the ground. The villagers were starting to move in again as Nicolo felt his eyes roll back, and the world went dark. 

+++

Nicolo slowly blinked awake, which meant that whatever was in his and Quynh's food was not designed to kill them, which was a shame. It would have been a lot easier if these people just killed outsiders and left them to rot in the woods. It seemed that they weren't getting lucky after all. Nicolo tried to sit up but found himself tied to a table with his arms spread out. For half a second, he was back on the cross, dying of starvation and dehydration and shock over and over again. He was not on the cross because Yusuf pulled him down, and they both might have been half dead, but they still shared their first kiss that day. That didn't stop him from immediately panicking and trying to fight against the ropes. Someone was calling his name, but he couldn't hear them over the roar of blood in his ears. 

"Little brother," a voice as it managed to break through the haze of panic. Nicolo blinked and turned to see Quynh on a similar table nearby. Her eyes were wide, and she was a little pale. Quynh didn't often look like that, and Nicolo felt a little guilty that he was the cause for it. They knew about the cross in very vague terms, but he never got into specifics. 

"Sorry," Nioclo managed to say, and he swallowed down the rest of his panic. He took several deep breaths and began to look around the room. It seemed to be some sort of stone cellar. Their weapons were leaning against the wall nearby, and he itched to get to his sword. There were low candles burning in the room and what smelled like incense. Nicolo twisted around, nearly hard enough to pop his shoulder out of the socket, and saw what appeared to be some sort of shrine and altar. 

"I know as much as you do," Quynh said bitterly. "In fact, I'm starting to think that this job was a trap from the beginning. These people had to know we were on the way, and they couldn't have made all of this overnight. I think they were the ones putting out the job so we would be drawn here." 

"Yusuf and Andromache will come for us by the end of the week," Nicolo said, but Quynh didn't look convinced. He was about to ask her why when the reality of the situation caught up with him. "If it was a trap for us, it was probably a trap for them." Quynh hummed and tried to break the ropes on her wrists. Nicolo broke his own thumb to try and get out, but nothing seemed to be working. They were stuck just lying here and wondering what these people were going to try and do. 

Nicolo must have dozed off again because he jerked awake to the sound of people walking in the room. It looked like it was most of the town, and they were chanting things that didn't actually make sense. He blinked and tried to listen again, but it was just rambling words in ecclesiastical Latin that didn't actually mean anything. He glanced at Quynh, who looked just as confused as he did. Most of the people were wearing black robes save for one man in red robes. The chants continued, gaining in volume, and they continued not to make any sense at all. One of the men held up a hand to silence everyone, and Nicolo couldn't help himself. 

"You know that chant doesn't mean anything," he said, and the silence that followed was kind of humorous if the situation wasn't so dire. Quynh was laughing quietly at how all of the people in the room were reacting to what he said. 

"Our chant is to our God and heathen like you could not understand our language," one of the men, he looked like the leader, said. 

"Except I do understand it, I know the language you are speaking, and you're not speaking anything. You're saying half-formed words that don't form sentences. It's not a chant; it's just nonsense," Nicolo replied. The people in the room shifted and began to quietly talk to each other. Quynh was openly laughing now at all of these people. 

"You should listen to him. After all, he was a priest in another life," she said. The man in the red robes glared down at Nicolo and then turned his serene smile on the people of the village. Nicolo was getting a pretty good idea of what was going on here, he had seen it before, and it didn't mean anything good for him and Quynh.

"Leave us," the man said, and everyone filtered out of the room. They were alone in the room with the man in the red robe, and he removed his hood to look down at them. He narrowed his eyes and glared at them. "I won't let you plant evil words into my followers' heads. I bring them closer to God, and that requires sacrifice. We used our own for many years, but we decided it was best to try and bring in outsiders. That's why you're here." 

"Which god are we being sacrificed to exactly? There are so many these days; I have a hard time keeping up," Quynh said. Both of them tried not to react as the man pulled out a wicked-looking knife and set it aside. He began to move what looked like feeding troughs underneath their arms, which didn't make any sense. The man twirled the knife in his hand with practice ease and smiled down at them. 

"Your blood will bring us closer to God," the man said. Nicolo's eyes widened, and he gritted against the pain as the man cut deeply into his forearm. It was deep enough that he could bleed to death even though it wasn't likely. It made sense now; this man was going to bleed them dry, but there was one problem with that; he and Quynh wouldn't ever run out of blood. Quynh was yelling and swearing at the man to leave Nicolo alone like the older sister that she was. She was fiercely protective of all of them, and she looked like she would tear the man's throat out with her teeth if given the opportunity. He did the same to her arms and walked away with a smirk. "Have peace as you go to the other side." The man stood and was apparently going to watch this, which just made it worse. Nicolo could feel the wound on his arm started to close up, and while he was a little dizzy, the blood loss wasn't that bad. 

The man frowned as he walked over and looked at Nicolo's arm. He went pale and looked at his other arm and then Quynh's as well. He stared at the two of them and looked like he was about to cry. "Our God has sent us the ones that will bring us into the next life. He has sent us ones that will give blood forever, and we won't need to ask for more. Perhaps you will even give us eternal life. You are healing my people, you are here to help, and I am grateful for you." 

"If that were true, you'd let us go," Quynh snapped. "We aren't here to bleed for you for the rest of our lives." 

"Oh, you are, though," the man said with a smirk. "You see, you'll be my proof that my God is real, and with that proof, more people will join my cause. I will remake the world in my image, a better image, all because of you two. You are going to change the world." Nicolo was about to say something to the man when he walked over and dug the knife as far into Nicolo's arm as he could. It hurt too much, and he couldn't hold back the screams as the bones in his arms fractured against the knife. He did it to his other arm, and those wounds were enough to kill him. Quynh was yelling, telling him to leave Nicolo alone, but the world went dark as he gave into oblivion. 

+++

The man was smiling as he looked down at Nicolo. Now he knew that Nicolo couldn't die, and nothing good was going to come from that. He nodded and walked over to Quynh to cut her arms the same way. She didn't scream, but she did fight against him with all that she had. He looked at the blood he had collected from both of them and nodded. He whispered some more nonsense in Latin and called people in to get the blood. The people looked at the blood, at Nicolo and Quynh, and they began to sing the man's praises. They weren't proof of his god, but that didn't matter. He took the blood and left them on the tables. 

"They might find out what Yusuf and Andromache are the same as us," Quynh said in Arabic since that seemed like a language that people like this wouldn't know. 

"We have to hope that they didn't," Nicolo said as he hit his head against the wood of the table. Over and over through history, he kept seeing evil men try to justify their actions, and every time he hated it a little more. "They keep justifying their actions." 

"It's human nature," Quynh replied though she spat out the word 'human' with a bit more vitriol that Nicolo was expecting. "We fear cages, Nicolo, not death, and this is a cage. I will not be confined to this or any cage. I am getting us out here; I promise you, little brother, it's not going to end like this." Nicolo nodded because he did believe that she was going to fight with everything she had, but right now, he didn't see any way for them to escape. The ropes were too tight, no one was going to leave them a knife close enough for it to matter, and the entire town was in on this. Even if they got out of this room, they would have to fight through all of those people. They were misguided, but that didn't mean Nicolo thought he was the one who decided whether they would live or die. 

The reports said that at least a dozen people had gone missing after passing through this village, but there was a chance it was more. These people had bled dry who knows how many people, and they did so willingly. Perhaps his kindness and mercy were not things he could apply to this situation. 

"Little brother," Quynh whispered. "Get some sleep. I will keep watch for now and let you know if I see anything." 

"Thank you," he whispered and let the darkness take him. Dying by bleeding out always left him feeling weaker than any other death because even his body needed time to replace all of that blood. That man had very much bled him dry, and a nap sounded lovely. Quynh would watch over him; he was sure of that. 

+++

The man came back at least three times a day every day for the next ten days, at least. The man, his name was Judas, which made the Christian in Nicolo laugh hysterically, and kept draining them over and over again. Quynh was getting angrier and angrier the more they kept getting bled. Nicolo didn't know what they were doing with the blood, but whatever it was, they needed a lot of it, and it was more than he knew how to give. Judas was beginning to talk about other ways that they could be useful and how they could bring in the next generation of his people. Nicolo felt his blood run cold at the idea of the women of his village getting a hold of him and using Quynh as nothing more than a broodmare. He didn't pray often but as Judas cut into his arm yet again he just hoped that Andromache and Yusuf were safe. That this insane man and his cult didn't get his disgusting hands on the rest of his family. Nicolo was bleeding out, and he heard Judas say something about coming for Quynh later. The door closed as he died. 

Nicolo gasped back to life to see Quynh pulling on the ropes so hard that her wrists were bleeding. The blood was making them weak, and she kept pulling as hard as she could. She glanced over at Nicolo, and there was a wild set to her eyes that he hadn't ever seen before.

"I won't let him touch you one more fucking time," she hissed. Nicolo winced as Quynh pulled even harder on the ropes. He heard the muscles and joints in her shoulders pop and crack, but that didn't stop her. Quynh pulled and pulled, and, finally, one of the ropes snapped. They both stared at it like they couldn't believe this was happening. Quynh frantically untied her other hand and got to work on her feet. She stumbled when she dropped to the floor, but she ignored it. The ritual knife that Judas used was lying on the altar, and she used it to cut Nicolo free. He leaned on her as a few spots appeared in front of his eyes, but his head felt clearer. Quynh handed him his weapons back, but she kept the knife in her hand. "I'm going to cut his throat with his own knife for what he did to you, for what he threatened to do to both of us."

"I couldn't stop you if I wanted to," Nicolo replied, and Quynh smirked. They had their weapons in hand, and it was time to leave. The cultists were all over the house they were in, but these were farmers and merchants that had no idea how to fight. Nicolo didn't feel bad about cutting them down and even felt a little sick when they opened the door to reveal an entire closet of blood. There was no possible way he was going to leave this here. Nicolo dumped some firewood into the closet and tossed a candle into the pile. It began to burn, and he found Quynh killed another one of the cultists. 

"Good," she said when she gestured to the fire. Nicolo was about to ask her how they were going to get out of here when there was the sound of screaming. They glanced at each other, and really, there was only one option about who could be out there. Nicolo pushed the door open to see Andromache and Yusuf, killing anyone who got in their way. Judas was hiding around the side of the house and yelling at his followers to stop them. Quynh paid no attention to Yusuf and Andromache and instead walked over to Judas. He frantically tried to back away, but Quynh threw him into the wall of the house and glared. "You touched my family; you threatened to hurt my family, all for the sake of your made-up religion. I will not tolerate attacks against my family." Judas didn't get a chance to reply as Quynh cut his throat.

"Nico!" Yusuf called out, and he ran over to him. They pulled each other into a tight hug and held on like it was the last thing they were ever going to do. Nicolo only pulled away enough to look into Yusuf's eyes. "Are you okay?" 

"I continue to survive," Nicolo replied, which wasn't quite an answer, but it was all that he had at the moment. Quynh and Andromache were kissing right in the middle of a road filled with dead bodies. "It was the entire village." 

"We know," Yusuf said. "Some of their followers managed to get the jump on us, but they got stupid and broke free. They told us everything about Judas, about the blood, and how they had two new people to drain from in the form of you and Quynh." 

"Is there anyone left?" Quynh asked. 

"None of the people here have children as far as I can tell, and all of the adults are either dead or killed themselves," Andromache replied, which made sense. If there was anyone that was an easy target for sacrifices, it was children. Nicolo could feel the heat from the house burning behind him, and there were bodies everywhere. Yusuf was still in his arms, and that was pretty much where he wanted to stay for the next decade or so if that was all right with anyone. They separated very rarely these days, and even then, it was only for a few days at the most. Nicolo wasn't sure when he became so codependent, but here he was, and judging by the way Yusuf was balling the back of his shirt with his fist, he was just as lost as Nicolo was. Andromache and Quynh looked around and sighed. 

"Let's take a break," Andromache said. "Let's go to the British isles for some time and get some rest there. We can meet up in a couple of years." 

"Yeah, that sounds like an excellent idea," Yusuf replied. 

+++

It took some time to get across Europe and across borders until they found a boat that was willing to take them to England. Yusuf and Nicolo had never been before, and they were looking at everything like it was new and amazing. Andromache and Quynh would want to just travel on their break, but Yusuf and Nicolo were more keen to spend a decade in a single place and just be for a little while.

"I don't want to find some little house and hide with you, little brothers," Quynh said with a smirk. "We're going to travel the island for a couple of years. We'll meet here at the port, and then we'll go back to the mainland." 

"Say five years from now?" Andromache said. Nicolo did some math in his head and realized that it was about to be the year 1600, which was kind of baffling to think about. He glanced at Yusuf, and they had a silent conversation.

"Five years sounds great," Yusuf replied. They all hugged each other tightly, and if Quynh held onto Nicolo a little harder than anyone else, well, he wasn't about to mention it. He watched as his older sister's got on their horses and rode off for their own adventures. Yusuf glanced at him, and Nicolo smiled. They had five years to just be, and Nicolo was very much looking forward to it. 

+++

Yusuf and Nicolo became Joseph and Nicholas. This wasn't the first time they had taken a new name, but they did need to take one every now and then. Both of their names weren't as common now as they were when they were younger, and it made them stand out. The last thing they wanted to do was stand out. They got supplies and horses and rode as far north as the island could take them. The village they found was tiny, and they got a small stone cottage for very little money. It was near the cliffs, and they could hear the waves breaking against the rocks. It was colder and wetter and the exact opposite of everything they had experienced so far. 

Nicholas settled and enjoyed some time to catch up on some books and see what was going on when it came to his former religion. Joseph spent the time painting and drawing. His landscapes were beautiful as always, and he would sell them at the small market when people would pass by. Sometimes, families would ask if he could draw them, so they had something to remember their family's by, and Joseph always did those without asking for any money. It was sweet, but that was the love of Nicholas' life; he was sweet while also being completely deadly with a sword. No one paid them much attention, and everything was quiet. 

Two years into the five-year break Nicholas followed Joseph into town. Apparently, a lot of travelers were coming through, and Joseph wanted some help with selling his paintings. It was only an hour into the market that a group of men passed by, and Nicholas could hear their conversation. 

"I can't believe it, real witches," one said. "How did they know?" 

"They couldn't die, which was all the proof everyone needed," another man replied, and Nicholas felt his blood run cold. He glanced at Joseph, who heard the same ways he did. Nicholas put on his best smile and looked at the men. 

"Excuse me, sirs; I couldn't help but overhear. Did you say they found witches?" Nicholas asked. "Please, you must tell me where so I can avoid that area." It was his best God-fearing voice that he had mastered over many years. 

"About two days ride south from here," one of the men said and gave Nicholas the name of some village he never heard of. He thanked the man, and Nicholas and Joseph barely packed their things as they raced off to the house. They left nearly everything behind and gathered the important belongings. The horses they bought two years ago were still young and strong, so they wouldn't mind a fast ride. They took off and rode through the entire night and into the next day. 

They stopped and slept for only a couple of hours before riding off again. The village was quiet, and they were talking about new ways to kill the witches. Nicholas and Joseph crept through the village and knocked out the people who were guarding them. They found the cell and Andromache pulling on the chains so hard that her wrists were bleeding. 

"Andromache, it's me," Joseph said as he tried to get her attention. Nicholas busied himself with finding the key to set her free. "Andromache, where's Quynh?" 

"They took her," Andromache whispered. "They locked her in an iron maiden and threw it in the ocean. She's gone." Nicholas looked at Joseph because he didn't know what to say or even what to do with something like that. If Quynh was truly in that iron maiden, she wouldn't die at the bottom of the ocean; she would just keep drowning over and over again. "They said it was for the greater good because we were a danger to them," she whispered, and Nicolas closed his eyes.

History had a terrible way of repeating itself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to another chapter of this fic. The writing for this story continues to go very well, and sometime tonight, I should be winning NaNoWriMo for the 17th(!!!) year in a row. I'll continue to work on this story after the 50k because the plan is to finish this story by the end of the month. This section is also VERY long and does have some specific warnings. Mostly, there is some gore and body horror, a minor character commits suicide off-screen, and we only see the aftermath and more violence. I've been really appreciating all of the comments and kudos, and they keep me going on a daily basis. If you want previews for the next chapter, follow me on [Tumblr](https://safaiagem.tumblr.com/) and my ask box is open, so if you want to know anything feel free to message me there. If I left anything out of this note or if I should add something to tags, let me know. <3

Joseph handed Andromache her labrys and didn't bother to try and tell her to hold back. If she was going to slaughter everyone in this village for what they did to Quynh, nothing he or Nicolas said was going to change that. The words, the words were yet again spoken to justify hurting them, and it made Joseph feel sick. Everyone wanted to justify their actions so their gods could forgive them. If they were forgiven in the next life, then it mattered very little what happened in this one. Surprisingly, Andromache did not immediately go out and slaughter the village. She took the pack that Joseph handed her, and they walked out of the prison together. Andromache kept walking and walking until she found a small lake. She stripped off her dirty clothes, and Joseph turned to give her some privacy. 

"We need to find her," Nicholas whispered. He was the one who had the most experience with being in a position where all you could do was just die over and over again. Joseph knew that Nicholas sometimes woke up from nightmares about the cross. It was the thing that seemed to follow him the most in their long life. They were able to shake off a lot of nightmares, but the cross was the one that haunted Nicholas all the time. 

"We'll find the people that dropped her in the ocean, we'll make them tell us where she is, and then we'll get her out. There has to be a way," Joseph replied as he reached for Nicholas' hands and took them in his own. He couldn't help but think what would have happened if they had stayed with Andromache and Quynh. Would they have gotten away? Or would it be Nicholas or himself at the bottom of the ocean right now? There was only madness there, and Joseph tried not to think about what he would do if someone took Nicholas from him.

Andromache was crying while sitting in the lake. She was trying to hide it from them, but her shoulders were shaking, and her arms were wrapped tightly around herself. Nicholas glanced at Joseph, and he walked over to her slowly; Nicholas wadded into the lake without taking any of his clothing and picked Andromache up into his arms. She let him carry her, which is how Joseph knew this was very bad. She was naked, but they were family, and it didn't matter. Nicholas handed her off to him and began to look through her pack. They found some clean clothes, and between the two of them, they managed to get Andromache dressed. 

A long time ago, Andromache taught Joseph and Nicholas how to do basic braids in case they ever wanted a century with long hair. Joseph used his fingers to brush out Andromache matted hair and found that some of the knots were too bad for him to get his fingers through. He had to cut some of the hair off so that he could finish braiding it. Nicholas was trying to get the dirt and the blood out from underneath her fingers and on her face that she missed while washing. When Andromache was clean as she was going to get, they spread out the two bedrolls close together. Nicholas kicked off his boots and changed into different pants. 

She didn't react when they moved her onto the bedrolls, and she didn't react when they wrapped their arms around her. She just stared at the sky with tears streaming down her face as she mourned the person who meant the world to her. Andromache eventually tucked her head into Nicholas' neck and took a shaky breath. She began to relax as they both held her as if giving her permission to fly away, to break, because they were there to put her back together. It took a long time, but Andromache eventually fell asleep, and Joseph and Nicholas took turns staying awake to make sure that no one was going to catch up to them. 

+++

Joseph blinked awake and realized that it was morning. The sun was just starting to come up when Nicholas woke up for his turn to stand guard. Andromache still lay between their arms, but she was awake and holding onto them tightly. Joseph didn't plan on moving until she did, and if Andromache wanted to spend some time just lying here between them, well, they would find a way to make that happen. It was the least they could do since they weren't there to protect their older sisters. It was mid-morning when Andromache seemed to finally come back to herself. She took a deep breath and released it slowly. 

"We need new names," she said quietly. 

"We already took some," Nicholas replied. She turned to look at him, and Nicholas smiled. "I'm Nicholas, and that's Joseph. It's lovely to meet you." The words were so formal that they punched a laugh out of Andromache. 

"Andrea, my name is Andrea now," she whispered, and just like that, she was a different person. Joseph didn't know what he was supposed to make of it, but he wanted to be there for her, and he wanted to run and find Quynh as fast as he possibly could. They packed up their things and made their way back to the village. Andrea had to stay hidden, and she did a good job of hiding her face and hair under a hat. She borrowed some of his clothes and Nicholas' so she looked a bit more like a boy. They went to the harbor to try and find some information. 

He wasn't that surprised when people wouldn't talk, but Andrea with a knife was a terrifying thing to behold. They said they didn't really know where they took her out but that he would try to help. They found enough people from the crew to go back out, and they started to look. Andrea insisted on doing much of the diving herself. She would take a heavy rock and dive into the ocean, letting the weight pull her down. Joseph had to try and keep people away from the water so they couldn’t see her die over and over again. If the line went slack, him and Nicholas had to pull her back and watch her revive. She dived in over and over again, and they found nothing. 

The days turned into weeks, which turned into months, which turned into years. The passage of time was always strange to Joseph, but this was different. He felt like he looked up and realized that a decade had passed without them knowing. They had spent all of a week onshore total, and he hadn't touched Nicholas in months. They couldn't risk the crew finding out they were together and throwing them out into the ocean. Joseph just wanted to hug him, maybe kiss him, but appealing to Andrea right now was not something that often worked. 

"Andrea," Joseph said one night after another day of diving in and out of the water. She was sitting out on the deck, and she looked miserable. "Andrea, we need to go back to shore." 

"We haven't found her," Andrea snapped. 

"I know, but it's been ten years. The men of this ship are going to notice that we don't change, and then we might be the ones in the iron maiden. We need to find another crew that could take us out, and we need some time on the shore." 

"You mean you and Nicolo want some time on the shore so you can selfishly fuck in private," Andrea said, her voice laced with more hatred than he had ever heard directed at him or Nicholas. He said nothing, and after a moment, she looked away from him. "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me." 

"It was not," Joseph replied. "I will admit I miss being with him, but I want to find Quynh just as much as you do. Please don't think that I don't, but for our own sanity and safety, we need a different crew, and we need some time on dry land. We can't find her if we're out of our damn minds." Andrea pressed her lips together and looked at the wood on the dock until she nodded slowly. 

"Tell the captain to go back to port and that we're done," she said. Joseph nodded, and he walked through the ship to find the captain. After he told him that they were going back to shore, he found Nicholas in his own cabin reading. He looked up when Joseph entered and smiled sadly. 

"You look gutted; what happened?" he asked. Joseph took a deep breath and released it slowly. The door didn't lock, but he needed some sort of comfort. He wanted over to Nicholas' bed and threw his arms around him. They whispered nonsense at each other in the strange combination of their languages that they made all of those years ago. Quynh used to say that it was their language and no one else's, and for some reason, that memory just made Joseph feel even worse. "Please, tell me what happened." 

"We need a new crew," Joseph whispered. "It's been a decade, and they're going to notice that we don't change, and I told Andrea that we need some time on solid ground. When I told her that, she said it was because I wanted to selfishly fuck you in private like the thought of Quynh being down there isn't torture for me too." 

"We can't know what Andrea is going through, my love, you know that," Nicholas whispered. "We could sit here and pretend to know, but the truth is we don't. We don't know what it would be like to lose our other half like that after so many years, and every day I am selfish when I pray that it never happens to us."

"I pray for that too," Joseph replied. He stayed with Nicholas as long as he could before standing up and walking out of the room. He had to sleep alone again, and he hated it. Joseph wrapped his arms around himself and tried not to think about what it must feel like to drown over and over again. 

+++

Andrea keeps her promise and takes them back to port. They need to find another place to hide for a little while before coming back and getting another ship. Joseph could tell that she was having a very hard time walking away from the ship, but he put his arm around her shoulders to try and give her a little comfort. She moved away and walked without looking back at them. Joseph glanced at Nicholas, and they silently followed her. They had enough money for three horses and went to the next town over. Andrea got her own room at the inn and closed the door without saying a word to either of them. Joseph got the key to the room he was going to share with Nicholas, and they were finally alone for the first time in a long time. 

Nicholas dropped his pack, and they were immediately holding each other like it was the last thing they were ever going to do. Andrea said that they wanted this privacy to fuck, and while Joseph did want to get his hands on Nicholas, that wasn't the only reason. He just wanted to hold the man who meant more to him than anything in the world. They barely moved more than an inch apart as they kicked off their boots and climbed into bed fully clothed and pressed close together. 

"I love you," Joseph whispered. 

"I love you too," Nicholas replied and kissed his forehead. They laid in the tiny bed just watching each other until the exhaustion of the last decade began to catch up to them. Joseph didn't want to look away from Nicholas, but he also wanted to hold him in his arms. Nicholas managed to move, so they were back to front, and they held onto each other as they drifted off to sleep together for the first time in years. 

Joseph woke up late the next morning, and, for a moment, it felt like everything was okay. Andromache and Quynh were in the next room over, he had Nicolo in his arms, and everything was good. That feeling didn't last as he remembered what had happened and the dead-eyed look of Andromache. She got cold at times, but she never looked like that, and he didn't know how to help her. Joseph buried his face in the back of Nicholas' neck and tightened his hold on the man. Nicholas stirred and rolled over, so they were looking at each other again. There was a moment where neither of them moved, and then suddenly they were kissing like they were going to die if they didn't touch each other. 

It almost felt wrong to feel pleasure at the feeling of Nicholas' body beneath him. That he could feel any sense of joy from touching the man he loved while the older sister he loved was lost to the sea. Joseph didn't often think of himself as a selfish man, but he wanted to be selfish right now. He didn't want to think about iron maidens or Andrea's dead eyes; Joseph just wanted Nicholas. 

They were both a little frantic as they pushed off the last of their clothing, but Joseph didn't let Nicholas' lips get far from his. He wanted to kiss this man until they got passed out from the lack of air because the mere thought of breaking away was too much. They laid side by side on the bed, both of them naked, and they also knew that they didn't have the supplies to actually make love. Nicholas took them both in his hand, and while it was too dry and just on the edge of painful, it was also exactly what Joseph needed right now. He clung to Nicholas so hard that he knew he was breaking skin, but it wasn't enough, it wasn't never enough, and when Nicholas leaned forward and bit him, Joseph was lost. He kissed Nicholas, and he followed soon behind. 

They were breathing hard, sweaty, covered in dirt and salt from the sea and each other, and they had had sex in some rather disgusting states, but this might be one of the worst ones. Joseph didn't care because he needed them; he needed to be close to Nicholas because the thought that it could be him at the bottom of the ocean haunted him. Nicholas reached forward and brushed the tears that Joseph didn't even know were falling from his cheeks, and when he looked up at Nicholas, he was silently crying as well. They should get up and get dressed, they should call up for a bath, they should go across the hall and check on Andrea, but Joseph was feeling selfish right now, and he wanted to stay right where he was. 

He pulled Nicholas into his arms and held on tight. 

+++

Andrea let them rest until she found a different crew to take them out onto the ocean. Joseph hoped that it would be a decent amount of time, but Andrea only gave them two months on land before she knocked on their door one morning and told them that it was time to go. Joseph didn't want to say 'no' to her, but he was very tempted at that moment. It wasn't fair of him, but he also knew that it didn't really matter in the end. If they didn't go with her, Andrea would go alone, and neither of them wanted her to be alone right now. 

It was like that every ten years for the next half a century. They would spend a decade looking for Quynh until it got to the point that the sailors on the ship would notice that they weren't aging. They would go back to land for half a year at most, and then they were out again. Joseph got very good at sneaking in and out of Nicholas' room at night and in the mornings, and Andrea's labrys was enough to keep the men from going after them the one time they did get caught. It was strangely monotonous in a way Joseph hadn't experienced before.

Now they took turns diving, and Joseph could say that he was very much, not okay with drowning as a form of death. He didn't mention it to Andrea because she would have said that now he knew a fraction of what Quynh was going through at the bottom of the ocean. Yet as the years went by and they continued to find nothing, Joseph wondered if she was even still alive down there. Lykon lost his immortality; maybe the reason they couldn't find her was because she was already gone. Andrea wouldn't accept that answer, but Joseph whispered it to Nicholas in the dead of night, where no one could hear. 

They were sixty years into their search when the ship got caught in a storm. Massive waves crashed against the side of the ship as they both struggled to stay on board. The captain was barking orders to everyone and telling them to make sure that they were secure and tied to the ship.

"Andrea!" Joseph called, and she turned with a wild look in her eye. "We need to turn back!" They were at least a year away from turning back, and Andrea never left the ocean early. 

"We're not going anywhere," she insisted. Joseph was about to tell her that they didn't have a choice if this storm ruined all of their supplies when a particularly harsh wave slammed into the ship. Joseph looked up and watched in horror as Nicholas was thrown overboard. He was connected to a line, they all were for the dives, but Joseph was still frantic as he raced to the side of the ship. Andrea was right behind him, and they both tried to pull the line, which felt like it was being pulled away from them by the sea. Joseph ignored the rope burn on his hands and the blood, and he pulled with everything he had. There was a moment of tension, and the line went slack. 

His entire world collapsed as he pulled up a broken line and no Nicholas. He frantically looked around in the water, trying to spot him anywhere, but there was nothing. The water was too rough, and he couldn't see a thing. Joseph wordlessly screamed as Andrea held onto him. The storm continued to rage around him, uncaring of his grief. 

They searched for days, but the captain eventually told them that no man could survive in open water for that long. There wasn't any way of telling him that Nicholas could survive without revealing what they were, and then he might be the one in the ocean next. Joseph stumbled down to their cabin and sat down. He couldn't believe that this was happening to him. He couldn't believe that he had lost him. 

Andrea joined him a few hours later, and they both sat silently. Part of him wanted to rage against her for this and having them out in the ocean looking for a woman who might be dead. However, he was terrified that Andrea would cruelly tell him that now he knew how she felt. She wasn't cruel to them but Quynh going missing made her harder. She took his hand, and Joseph held on tight enough to break her fingers. There were no words that could make this situation better, and nothing he could do right now. 

They arrived in port, and Joseph put himself in the inn and sat down to wait. Andrea walked into the room, too, and watched him. 

"What will you do?" she asked quietly. 

"The captain said he would take me out again once they have new supplies but that the tides might cause a body to wash ashore considering the storm," Joseph replied, and his voice was dead. There was no way Nicholas was gone; there was no way they came into this life together, and he was sure that they would leave it the same way. "So I am tempted to wait here, but I also want to be out on the water searching. He's out there, Andromache, and I will find him." 

"We will find him," she corrects. Joseph looked up and could see how stricken she was, and he knew that she was upset about this too. "You stay here and look for him, and I'll go look out in the sea. That way, we know he'll be found." The unspoken word was that Nicholas would be found. The problem was if someone found him floating in the sea, they would wonder how he was even alive, and if they discovered his immortality, that could just make things worse. Joseph knew he was starting to spiral, and if he started to do that, nothing would stop him. He nodded silently and let Andrea hold him as he had constant nightmares about Nicholas drowning in the ocean over and over again. A sick part of him wondered if they were nightmares since they did dream about each other before they met, but it was yet another road he couldn't go down. 

Andrea left the next morning, paying more than double the fee to leave early. Joseph didn't bother to tell her not to, money meant very little to them, and he watched her sail away. He got a horse and began long treks along the shore to see if there was any sign of Nicholas. He asked anyone he could find if they had seen him, but no one had. A day turned into a week, which turned into two, and time had never felt like it was moving slower than those days. Each hour was like torture, and he knew that Andrea would be home in about a week. Joseph prayed to a god he didn't really believe in anymore to bring the love of his life home to him. 

A knock on the door of his room at the inn startled Joseph from his uneasy sleep. Perhaps Andrea had gotten in early, and she was here to see him. He stumbled out of bed and opened the door without caring who could be on the other side. His heart skipped a beat as he stared at Nicholas. His clothes were a mess, he was thinner than he had been in many years, the circles under his eyes were so dark they looked like bruises that they couldn't even get anymore, and when he met Joseph's eyes, he smiled softly. 

"Sorry, I'm not the strongest swimmer," Nicholas said like this was a laughing matter. Joseph was about to tell him off for making light of this when Nicholas nearly fell over, and Joseph caught him in his arms. They clung to each other as they both fell to their knees in the inn. The door was wide open for anyone to see them, and Joseph didn't even care if anyone did right now. All that mattered was that Nicholas was in his arms again. He was babbling, and he didn't even know what language was speaking as they held onto each other. 

The old woman who ran the inn, Lila, raced up the stairs and could see them holding each other. Joseph looked at her and held his breath as he wondered how she was going to react to seeing two men holding each other like this. If they needed to run again, he would run, but right now, Joseph really wanted to bundle Nicholas into the bed and not let him out. 

"I'll send up a late dinner and a bath," Lila said. 

"Thank you so much," Joseph whispered. She nodded and walked away to take care of that. It took some effort to get Nicholas back into the room, and he was extremely unsteady on his feet. Joseph pulled away enough to look into Nicholas' eyes, and he almost burst into tears to see them looking right back at him, whole and bright and alive. He leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together as they just breathed in each other's presence. There was another knock on the door, and Joseph kissed Nicholas' forehead. He was still on the floor, but he clearly didn't have the energy to get up. "Stay there; I'll help you," Joseph said. 

"I assure you that moving is the very last thing I want to do," Nicholas replied. Joseph walked over to the door and let a bunch of half-asleep maids bring in a tub and hot water. He made sure to give them plenty of extra coins for doing this, and Lila brought them some bread and hot stew. Joseph set the food aside, thanked all of them again, then closed and locked the door. Nicholas wasn't much help when it came to getting his clothes off, which were so crusty with salt that Joseph thought they were going to crumble in his hands. When he first got in the tub, Nicholas flinched but let Joseph wash all of the seawater from his skin. There wasn't any evidence of what he had been through, and for some reason, that made it worse. Joseph didn't know how to fix something that he couldn't see. 

Nicholas didn't fight Joseph on anything and let him bundle Nicholas in warm sleep clothes, drop him off in bed, and helped get the food into him. Joseph wrapped Nicholas in his arms and moved them both to the bed, so they were lying down. He looked so tired, but he was watching Joseph with bright eyes. For how horrible he looked, Nicholas still had the same look in his eyes, which brought Joseph more comfort than he could even begin to name. 

"What happened, Nicolo?" Joseph whispered. 

"Exactly what you think," Nicholas replied, and he sighed. "The current was too strong, and the line snapped. The waves were rough and kept pushing me under. I had to fight to even keep my head above water. One moment I could still see the ship, and the next I went under, and the ship was gone. I managed to survive through the storm, but no help came. I couldn't just stay where I was because there was no telling where I'd drifted to and if you could ever find me. So I used the sun and swam as much as I could every day just straight west. I knew I would hit land eventually." Nicholas paused, and he trembled a bit in Joseph's arms. "I died plenty of times. From exposure, dehydration, starvation, drowning, and one memorable time to a shark that decided that taking a chunk out of me was what they wanted. Fortunately, that was just the one time, and I didn't get attacked again. I stumbled on shore and made my way here." 

"I'm sorry," Joseph whispered, and Nicholas twisted in his arms, so they were looking at each other. He looked like hell, but right now, he just looked confused. 

"Yusuf, did you cut the line that attached me to the boat?" Nicholas asked. 

"What--no--I would never--"

"Then why are you apologizing? You have done nothing wrong that would merit my forgiveness. I can only assume you're here in case I made it to shore, and Andromache is out looking for me at sea?" Nicholas asked. 

"Yes, she'll be back in a week," Joseph replied carefully. He felt like this experience should have hurt Nicholas more, but he seemed to be taking it well. Perhaps he spent some time coming to terms with it while he made his way back to town. Joseph pressed a kiss to Nicholas' hair and just held him as much as he could. They were both starting to drift off, and they both moved to lie down. Joseph tried to put himself between Nicholas and the door, but Nicholas just looked at him. 

"My love, even when I'm half-dead, I still wake up faster than you," Nicholas said. Joseph couldn't really argue that, and he wrapped his arms around Nicholas as they both fell asleep. His hair still smelled a little like the sea, and Joseph hoped that it would chase away his nightmares. 

+++

They spent the next week getting Nicholas to eat as much food as he could stomach; as soon as Lila saw how thin he was, she immediately became a grandmother and insisted on feeding the "nice young man," which Nicholas found bemusing at best. So it was a lot of sleeping and eating and chasing away any nightmares either of them might have. 

"I dreamed about you in the water," Joseph said after a few days. "I have to wonder if it was just me dreaming about the worst thing that was happening to you or if I was actually seeing what you were going through like when we were younger." 

"Not sure," Nicholas said. "You told me about your dreams, and they are too vague. I did do those things, I did drown and die in the water, but that doesn't mean you were actually seeing me die." It weighed on Joseph's mind until Andrea knocked on the door, and she nearly jumped out of her skin when Nicholas answered it. She threw her arms around him and held on tightly as she whispered that she thought she lost him, that she thought she had failed another member of her family. 

The three of them spent the next week recovering until Andrea did exactly what Joseph thought she was going to do; she said that they need to go out to try and find Quynh. Joseph didn't want to tell her yes because of what happened to Nicholas, but he wanted his other sister back. 

"We're close; we have to be getting close," Andrea said, and Joseph believed her. That was why he went back out on the water with her, and for another fifteen years or so, everything was fine. They didn't find Quynh, but they didn't have any more incidents with Nicholas going overboard, which is what Joseph was worried about. Or at least they didn't have any incidents until Joseph was the one to hit the ocean in a storm, and his line snapped as well. 

It was just like Nicholas told him. The water was cold, and the ship was nowhere to be seen. Joseph gave himself a few minutes to panic, and then he remembered everything that Nicholas told him. He needed to go east, and he could eventually hit land. He needed to swim only a little a day, or he would die of exhaustion. There were sharks, and he would probably get bitten. And the saltwater was going to dehydrate him to the point that a storm would be a good thing. This all sounded miserable, but Joseph pushed ahead. He wouldn't leave Nicholas alone, but he couldn't help but be a little resentful of Andrea. She shouldn't have asked them to come out again after Nicholas went overboard, and this wouldn't have happened. 

Over the course of the next five days, Joseph drowned, succumbed to exhaustion, died of dehydration, and the only thing he was missing was the sharks, which really wasn't looking forward to. The water was relatively calm, and he was floating on his back to try and conserve energy when he thought he heard something. Joseph turned and could see a ship in the distance. He yelled for them and drew on every reserve of energy to get to them. It was a bad idea, but he didn't want to spend another second in the water. He was about to pass out when they dropped a ladder, and he had to climb up. Joseph blinked, and Nicholas came out of nowhere. 

It was their ship, and that was all that mattered. Now he could accept the sweet relief that came with being safe. Nicholas and Andrea had to practically carry him to his cabin, and he was dead asleep before he even felt the pillow. He woke up, and Nicholas managed to get a little food in him, and Joseph went back to sleep. By the time they got back to port, he felt a little better and didn't know how Nicholas did that for as long as he did. It was horrible. They stayed close as they went back to the same inn, and Lila looked at them like she couldn't believe they managed to get by. 

"Go to your room; I'll send up what you need," she said. Nicholas thanked her, and this Joseph was the one getting stripped of his seawater encrusted clothes and tossed in a bath. He was the one who held onto Nicholas and whispered about how horrible it was. They didn't leave the room for three days, and the only people that were let in were the people bringing them food and Andrea. She never said a word to either of them, but Joseph could tell that she wanted to. When he was finally more or less back to normal, she finally spoke. 

"I'm sorry that this happened to both of you," Andrea whispered. "It was never my intention to put you two at risk, but it happened. When we go out next time, I'll make sure things are safer." Joseph blinked because he couldn't be hearing that right. 

"Next time?" Nicholas asked. "Andromache, we haven't found a single clue about where she is or if we're even getting close. We don't have the means to search for her, not in this century, and you know that. Even with all of the vast improvements they've made, it's still not good enough." 

"I won't leave her out there," Andrea said as she clenched her fists. 

"And we can't follow you out there anymore," Joseph replied, and Andrea very much looked like the goddess she was once worshiped as. He thought she was going to take off his head right here and now, but she just glared at them. "We know, at least to an extent, what you're going through with Quynh when we lost each other, and neither of us can do this anymore. Not with the way things are." 

"She helped make you better warriors and helped you walk this life, and you would leave her down there?" Andrea snapped. 

"Put yourself in our position," Nicholas said. "Imagine it was Joseph or me down there, and you nearly lost Quynh or yourself in pursuit of someone you didn't even know could still be down there. What would you do?" Andrea looked like she wanted to argue with them, but Joseph knew what her answer would be if this weren't a hypothetical situation. She stood up and looked at both of them with more contempt and hatred than either of them had ever seen in her. 

"And to think I thought of you as my brothers," she said softly. Andrea picked up her things and walked out of the inn. They both sat in silence for a long time until they wrapped their arms around each other silently mourned. Now that they had lost both of their sisters, and for the first time in a long time, it was just the two of them. Joseph held the man he loved while they both asked each other if they did the right thing. There wasn't an easy answer, and Joseph hoped that Andrea would forgive them for being selfish in time. 

+++

They didn't linger after that. They thanked Lila and promised to visit again someday, which was a lie. She was bound to notice that they didn't age, and it felt wrong to lie to her, but he couldn't help himself. He could only assume that Andrea didn't want them nearby anyway, so leaving was in everyone's best interest. They got on horses and rode south until they got to London. After so many years of being on and off boats, the idea of getting lost in a city sounded splendid. Also, neither of them had spent much time in London. They found a flat that they could afford and tried to ignore some of the looks they got. Joseph just hoped they weren't going to get chased out of town. 

The minute the door to their new home was locked, Nicholas was kissing him. They hadn't been together since Joseph went into the ocean and judging by how desperately Nicholas was kissing him, the scars from that little adventure lingered. Nicholas was so tense that it felt like one wrong move, and he would snap. Joseph managed to break the kiss and frame Nicholas' face with his hands to keep him from initiating another kiss. 

"You know I always want you," Joseph said. "But something tells me there are other motives right now. Is that true?" Nicholas sighed and seemed to relax like a puppet whose strings were just cut. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Joseph's neck and just stayed and breathed in and out for a long time. 

"I understand why your first instinct was to apologize when it happened to me," Nicholas explained, "because right now, all I want to do is apologize to you." 

"And I'd say the same thing to you that you said to me; unless you cut that line yourself, you have nothing to apologize for. If anything, I should be thanking you. You found me much faster than I found you." Nicholas laughed, and it sounded like he was about to cry. 

"Let's not make it a competition," he said. They held each other, right there in the middle of their flat, until the journey caught up with them. They walked into their bedroom, climbed into bed, and spent the next several hours taking each other apart. It was a bit frantic, but it was also exactly what Joseph needed, and judging by the blissed-out expression on Nicholas' face, it was also what he needed. Joseph still felt guilty that they left Andrea, but then he remembered the long days without knowing where Nicholas was. He wasn't sure he could take it. 

They spent the next several years existing and working in the city. They took private security jobs and sometimes played bodyguard for people who thought they were important enough that someone would hire someone else to kill them. These jobs were often boring, but they paid well, and they kept their skills up. The year turned, and it was suddenly the 1700s. The world was so different now, and sometimes Joseph would look up and feel like he should have noticed the changes, but he didn't. There were whispers of a new world across the ocean, and Joseph knew sentiments like that all too well. 

"When people like you, Nicholas, say a word is 'new'; they mean it's a world without people like them. They usually don't count the people that are already living there," Joseph explained in the safety of their flat. 

"Yes, my love, I am quite aware that I am a colonizer as you do love to remind me," Nicholas replied without looking up from the book he was reading. Joseph smirked and walked over to Nicholas. He joined him on the couch and began to gently touch Nicholas' neck. The only indication that Nicholas knew he was there was a slight change in his breathing. He continued to read. This was one of Joseph's favorite games; Nicholas had focus like no other man he had met, and breaking it was one of the small joys he regularly got in life. After gently touching Nicholas' neck for a while, Joseph moved until he slid his fingers into Nicholas' hair. The corner of Nicholas' mouth twitched, but that was still the only indication that he was aware Joseph was touching him at all. 

Joseph focused on Nicholas' hair for a long time until he leaned forward and began to lay soft kisses on Nicholas' exposed throat. The only indication that Nicholas was at all aware of what Joseph was doing was the slight uptick in his pulse beneath Joseph's lips. There was usually an endgame to this sort of thing, and he really just liked to see how long he could tease Nicholas before he gave up and finally reacted. The kissing wasn't enough, so Joseph took a single earlobe between his teeth, and when that didn't do anything, he began to suck a bruise into Nicholas' skin. It didn't last, it never did, but Nicholas' breathing stuttered just a little bit. Joseph continued to kiss along Nicholas' throat and slowly slid a hand up his thigh. Joseph had barely made it to Nicholas' waist when he put the book down and immediately yanked Joseph into a hard kiss. 

"Why do you do this?" Nicholas against his lip, and Joseph smirked. 

"Because it's amusing to see how long you can ignore me," Joseph replied. "Every time I do this, you last a little bit longer; one of these days, I'm going to get you completed naked without breaking your concentration." 

"So this is for my benefit?" Nicholas asked as they continued to kiss. Joseph didn't bother to reply to that as he let Nicholas push him back onto the couch, and they got to have their way with each other. 

+++

They managed to stay in London for fifteen years by virtue of it being a city and fewer people seeing them on a daily basis. It was the longest they managed to stay in one spot, and it was kind of nice. Joseph liked their little home in the center of the city and really wanted to stay longer. He knew they couldn't, and Nicholas went about writing a letter to Andrea. Lila and eventually her daughter said she would take them, and every time they moved on to a new location, Nicholas would make sure that Andrea knew where they were. Joseph didn't know if she would ever come looking for them again, but he hoped that she would. 

The years went by, and there was still no sign of Andrea. He and Nicholas were still reluctant to leave the island because there was still a chance that Andrea was still out there looking for Quynh. Sometimes they talked about going back to join her again, but then one of them would have a nightmare about drowning in the ocean or losing each other, and they stayed away. It was all they could do. It felt wrong to put their own needs above Quynh's, but they were whole and alive right now, and they didn't even know if she was still alive down there. Quynh was older than Lykon, and he died. There was a chance that she lost hers too. At least, that was what Joseph told himself to get rid of the guilt.

It was fifty years after they left Andrea, and he and Nicholas were living in Ireland. It was so green and beautiful, and Joseph wanted to paint all of it all the time. They lived in a small house where they kept away from as many people as possible. They have reputations for being eccentric, which was a nicer way of saying they were both a little mad. Joseph didn't mind as long as Nicholas was with him. It was the middle of the night when there was a knock on the door. Nicholas was on his feet with his sword in hand before Joseph even realized what was going on. When he saw the look on Nicholas' face, Joseph grabbed his scimitar, and they were creeping toward the door. Joseph took the shadows as Nicholas opened the door. 

"Andromache," Nicholas whispered. She was standing in front of them with hair shorter than they had ever seen it. She was overly pale, and she looked like she hadn't slept in a long time. She was steady, Andrea was always steady, and she nodded when she saw them. 

"Can I come in?" she asked. Nicholas stepped aside as Joseph set their weapons aside and went out, stoking the fire. Three cups of tea later, they were all sitting in the same room for the first time in fifty years, and none of them seemed to know what to say. "I was out on a ship," Andrea said. "We were looking for her, and the ship had a good crew. A bunch of young men with families that needed the money that I was willing to pay them to go out. There was a storm, and a wave sunk the entire boat. I was the only survivor. All of those men were out there that day because I asked them to, and now their deaths are on my shoulders." Andrea took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you the way that I did. I know you want to find her just as much as I do, and I understand why you wouldn't want to take the risk anymore. I haven't gotten anywhere in all of this time. We just don't have the capabilities."

"Someday we will," Nicholas said softly. "And when we do, we're going to find her. There isn't anything we can do right now. There just isn't. It's hard to hear, and she might hate us for that, but there isn't anything we can do." 

"We forgive you, boss," Joseph said, and he knew it was all right if he spoke on behalf of Nicholas because they had this conversation a long time ago. "We know you were just angry and afraid." 

"I was, but that doesn't mean I should have directed it at my brother's," Andrea replied. She smiled softly and looked around their little home. "It's quite cozy in here."

"We do enjoy playing domestic for a decade when we can," Nicholas said, and just like that, everything was fine between them again. Joseph was glad that it didn't take Andrea several hundred years to come and find them again, but he did think about his other sister in the water. He hoped that her immortality was gone and she wasn't suffering anymore. The other options were just too horrifying to think of. 

+++

The 1700s turned into the 1800s, and before long, it looked like there was going to be another war in Europe. They had filtered in and out of the many wars over the years, trying to do what good they could. They were watching as Napoleon started to push his men further east, and they all knew it wasn't going to work. The cold was going to take those men long before anything else would. They were trying their best to help the people left behind by all of the killings when the dream happened. It was unlike any experience Joseph had ever had before. There was a man, and he was hanging from a tree, but he wasn't dead. He just kept dying over and over again as he tried not to react. He couldn't have his countrymen notice that he couldn't die. Joseph could see their uniforms, so he knew who they were serving. The noose killed him again, and Joseph woke up. 

Nicholas snapped awake at the exact same time, and he was breathing so hard Joseph thought he was going to hyperventilate. He was about to ask Nicholas what was wrong when he noticed that Andrea was reacting the same as the rest of them. She had a hand on her neck like she could feel the phantom pain that the man in the dream had. 

"Another one, like us?" Nicholas asked, and Andrea nodded slowly. "That's what the dreams you had about Joseph and I were like when we first gained our immortality?" 

"Yours were a lot more brutal, at least at first," Andrea said, and she sighed heavily. "We aren't meant to be alone." Those were the words that Quynh said to them when they first met and the day they decided to all stay together. "We need to go find him." 

"It was cold," Joseph said, and they began to talk about all of the details they had from the dreams. Joseph pulled out a piece of paper and charcoal and began to sketch the face. It took some time because the face he was seeing was purple and bloated from the noose, but he could guess what the man looked like. They knew who he was serving when he was hung but not where he was hung. It was winter, and if there was anyone who could follow Napoleon east, it was the three of them. It was time to go look for another member of their little family. Andrea, in particular, seemed very eager to find him, and then Joseph remembered; this man hadn't met Quynh. If there was anyone who could tell them definitively whether or not Quynh was still living down there, it was him. 

Joseph didn't question Andrea's desire to go and find this new immortal, but he did wonder if she would be in such a hurry if he wasn't the answer to the question they'd been asking themselves for so many years. 

+++

The dreams continued as the man stumbled through the frozen wasteland left behind by the soldiers that hung him. His face was clearer now, and Joseph knew he would recognize him on sight. He froze to death several times, and he starved as well. It was not exactly an easy introduction to this way of life. They were close, though, much closer than Andrea and Quynh had been when Joseph and Nicholas first gained their immortality. It still wasn't easy, and he was constantly moving. He was trying to get back to something, but none of them could tell what it was. They also still didn't have a name, and Andrea had the idea that they should listen to him, asking for directions. If they could figure out his destination, perhaps they could meet him there. 

The dreams continue to give them clues about where this man is, and after six months, they finally learn his name; Sebastien. From what they can gather, he's trying to get back to France so he can go home, but none of them knew what 'home' entails. The idea of seeing loved ones after finding out about immortality seemed like a very bad idea, and they all agreed they needed to get to him before he did that. He could reveal their condition to everyone, or he'd spend the next decade or two watching his family die. There was no good ending when it came to going home. 

They find Sebastien two miles from the French border hiding in a tavern and trying not to draw too much attention to himself. He's been walking for six months, keeping his head down and trying not to get caught by people. Joseph could guess that joining the army was not exactly a decision that he made willingly. When Andrea walked into the room, Sebastien looked up and immediately paled. Joseph and Nicholas followed and took their spots across the room as Andrea walked up to him. They were speaking quietly until Andrea gestured for all of them to leave; this was not something that could be spoken about in a tavern. 

Sebastien was eyeing all three of them but followed nevertheless until they were a decent distance from any people. He swallowed and looked between them.

"You were in my dreams," he said. 

"We were," Andrea replied. "We're like you; we can't die. Now that we've met each other, we'll stop dreaming about each other. I'm Andromache, but you can call me Andrea; that is Nicolo, but he goes by Nicholas right now, and that's Yusuf, but he goes by Joseph." 

"Did this just happen to you too?" he asked. Joseph eyed Andrea because she never actually told them how old she was, and he wondered if she was going to reveal it to Sebastien. 

"No, I'm much older," Andrea said simply. 

"And we met in the Crusades," Nicholas said as he gestured to Joseph. Sebastien blinked as he looked between the two of them.

"The Crusades? But wouldn't that mean--" 

"We killed each other," Joseph said. Sebastien closed his mouth as he watched them. He seemed a bit lost for words, but he'd only been immortal for less than a year. By the time Joseph and Nicholas met Andrea and Quynh, they had decades to come to terms with what happened to them. 

"None of us should be alone," Andrea said carefully. "You can come with us and help us try to do some good in the world." 

"I have a family," Sebastien said. "I have a wife and children, I can't leave them, I can't--" He cut himself off as he looked at all of them. "I'm going to outlive them." 

"By many years, I'm afraid," Nicholas said. Sebastien seemed conflicted, but eventually, he stood up a little taller and stared them down. 

"I won't leave them," he repeated. Andrea clearly thought this was a bad idea, but she nodded nevertheless. They couldn't make him come with them and, unfortunately for Sebastien, they had the time to wait. 

"We'll come and check in on you every ten years and see if you change your mind," Andrea said. Sebastien told them where he would be but looked like he wanted to argue that he wouldn't change his mind and kept it to himself. Andrea nodded again, and they began to walk away from him. 

"Wait," he said, and they all turned to look at him. "I've met you, but what about the woman in the water? Why am I dreaming about her?" Joseph closed his eyes and wished there was another explanation for why Sebastien would be dreaming about a woman in the water, but there wasn't. His worst nightmare that Quynh was still alive down there was coming true, and they left her down there. Nicholas reached forward and snatched his wrist; he was very pale. 

"Her name is Quynh," Andrea said softly. "And she's what happens when people find out that we can't die. She's lost down there and has been for over two hundred years because they thought she was a witch. There are plenty of things worse than death, Sebastien. Please be careful; we don't want someone else going into a cage and never coming out." Sebastien looked like he wanted to be sick, and Joseph really didn't blame him; he couldn't imagine what it was like to dream about Quynh at the bottom of the ocean, drowning over and over again; it sounded like torture. 

Sebastien didn't say anything else, and he seemed to have made his decision. There wasn't anything more that they could do for him now. Someday, he might join them, or someday he might not. It was out of their hands now. The three of them walked silently until they got to their horses, and they started west. It was nearly an hour later that Andrea finally broke the silence. 

"I'm not mad at either of you for telling me to stop looking," Andrea said carefully. "But you have to know that I'm going to go look again. We have around fifty to eighty years before Sebastien will join us. I'll look until then." 

"Do you want us to join you?" Joseph asked.

"No," Andrea replied. "I'm the one that lost her, so I'm the one that should continue to look for her. Your reasons for why you stopped looking haven't changed. You should find somewhere to settle down for a decade while I look. If you two don't mind being the ones that check in with Sebastien, that would be appreciated."

"We'll stay close," Nicholas replied. Andrea nodded, and they continued on their way. They rode together for a day and a half until Andrea needed to go her own way. Joseph glanced at Nicholas, and they picked a direction to head in. It would be nice to have some time away. 

+++

Sebastien was still with his family after ten years, and he told them to go away the second he saw them in town. He was a little frantic about the entire thing, which Joseph would have found amusing if it wasn't such a bad thing. He couldn't imagine watching Menna grow old while he stayed the same. Or his mother or his father, for that matter. There was no way it was going to end well, but Sebastien was his own man, and they couldn't make him do anything. The last thing they needed was for him to resent them for decades. 

Sebastien chased them out again at twenty years as well, but Joseph could tell that he was starting to get a little nervous. His children were adults now, and it was impossible to ignore that he wasn't aging. He still stayed, and the two of them left him to his choice even if they both agreed that it was a bad idea. 

Thirty years later and he still would not come, but at his point, they knew that his wife had passed away and his sons were grown. Still, they honored his request and hoped that no one in the village would say anything. Joseph and Nicholas tried to keep their heads down but returning to the same place every ten years was not safe. They promised Andrea that they would look after Sebastien for when this all inevitably fell apart. It was going to crush him, Joseph could tell, but there was still nothing they could do. 

It was coming up on forty years as he traveled with Nicholas toward Sebastien's town. There was an inn that they hadn't stopped by in a couple of decades, and they needed somewhere to rest. The man behind the counter was pale, and he stared at them when they walked in. Joseph knew they were an odd sight, but he didn't quite understand why he was looking the way he was. It set his nerves on edge, and he could see that Nicholas felt the same way. 

"Something isn't right," Nicholas said. "This is a busy road on a cold night; why is the inn empty?"

"We can go somewhere else or sleep outside. We've survived worse," Joseph replied. Nicholas sighed as he looked around the tiny room that they were supposed to share. It wasn't anything special, and if they needed to walk through the night to find somewhere else to stay, it wasn't a big deal. 

"Yes, let's go," Nicholas said. They gathered their things, and Nicholas opened the door into the hallway. He was barely a step outside their room when something hit him in the head hard enough that he was certainly dead. Joseph stumbled back as the innkeeper ran into the room. He swung the giant piece of metal, covered in Nicholas' blood, at him, but Joseph ducked. He needed to get Nicholas and get out of here. The innkeeper was quick for a sickly looking young man, and he charged at Joseph again. The layout of the room was unfamiliar, and that little advantage made it possible for the innkeeper to smash his head in as well. The world went instantly dark. 

+++

Joseph gasped awake and found that he was staring at a dark ceiling. It smelled like mold, and the air was weirdly thick. There was also something that he couldn't quite put a name to. He was strapped down to what looked like a medical table, and there was surgical equipment sitting nearby. Joseph managed to sit up and saw Nicholas staring at him with a worried expression. This was all too similar to the time Nicholas and Quynh got taken by the cult, and Joseph could only imagine what Nicholas was thinking. 

"You're back," Nicholas whispered. "I wasn't sure you were going to." 

"I wouldn't leave you," Joseph replied. "Any idea what's going on?" The innkeeper was nowhere to be seen, and Joseph thought this could be the building's cellar. The man didn't appear to be anywhere nearby, and it was completely silent. They'd been captured for any number of reasons, but this was the first time someone looked like they were doing it for science. It didn't make him feel any better. They were left alone for several hours until the innkeeper came down and stared at them. 

"My family has owned this inn for many years, and I first saw you two when I was a child. Now you're here, and you haven't changed. You can't die," he whispered. 

"You don't want to do this," Nicholas said, trying to appeal to this man's sense of ethics, but Joseph could see that there wasn't going to any of that. Whatever was making this man do this, it wasn't something that they could fight against. There was a strange madness in his eyes, and Joseph didn't trust it. 

"You hurt him, and you will regret it," Joseph said because the world had hurt Nicholas enough as it was. The last thing they needed was for someone else to do it. The innkeeper looked at him and tilted his head to the side. He wordlessly got a knife and, without even flinching, began to cut into Joseph's chest. He was screaming, and Nicholas was screaming for him to stop. There was the sound of his ribs cracking, and then the world went dark. 

Joseph gasped as he woke up, and it took a moment for the world to come back into focus. Nicholas was on the table, too, but the innkeeper appeared to be removing his liver. There was a heart on the table nearby, and Joseph felt like he was going to be a little ill when he realized that he was probably looking at his own heart. Nicholas was already dead, and all Joseph could do was watch as this innkeeper removed his liver and walked out of the room without another word. It took too long for Nicholas to come back, and they both struggled against the straps that kept them to the bed. A full day went by, and the innkeeper returned, and this time he cut different organs from them. He took pieces from each of them over the course of several days, and the pain was unlike anything Joseph could remember. Whenever they asked why he was doing this, the innkeeper, whose name they never even knew, would just stare at them and continue on with his work. 

Five days later, the innkeeper walked down and stared at the two of them for a long time. Joseph wanted to yell at him, to beg him to let them go, but whatever he saw in this man's eyes made him hold his tongue. 

"I thought you were the gift that could help me," he whispered. "I thought you were here to change my world and--" The innkeeper cut himself off and took a deep breath.

"We're just people like you," Joseph said softly. "We feel pain; what you're doing to us is painful; please, just let us go." The innkeeper, this nameless innkeeper who cut into them with the precision of a doctor, just stared. He picked up one of the knives and slit Nicholas' throat. Joseph yelled at him not to do it, but he wasn't listening. This man wasn't listening to anything that he said. He walked over and did the same to Joseph. As he was dying, Joseph could have sworn he felt something loosen around his wrist. The world went dark as the innkeeper walked away.

+++

Something jerked Joseph back to awareness, and it wasn't just the fact that he came back to life. It was something else that brought him back. He took a deep breath to try and calm his breathing, but when he looked over, he realized that one of his wrists was untied. Joseph wasn't about to question luck. 

"Nicholas," Joseph whispered, and Nicholas seemed to come back to him. He looked over and saw that Joseph was working on getting himself free. They were both covered in blood, and the inn was once again silent. Joseph stumbled when he first got off of the table, but he was able to make his way over to Nicholas and get him free as well. Their bags, clothes, and weapons were sitting neatly at the door like they hadn't spent the last several days getting cut open. It was extremely strange, and Joseph didn't trust it. 

"There is a bucket of water and clean rags," Nicholas whispered. "Do you think you go through to him, and he's just letting us go?"

"I'm not sure," Joseph replied. There was still something strange and familiar in the air that he couldn't name. The water seemed fine enough to wipe down their bodies, so they weren't covered in blood anymore, and they both held their weapons up as they slowly crept out of the cellar. They were at the back part of the inn, the part where the family should be living, and there was evidence of a family. There were four chairs, a kitchen that looked like it was well-loved, it looked like a nice place to live save for the drops of blood leading toward another room. There were toys lying around as well, and no sign of the innkeeper or his family. They should have turned and walked right out of there, but something about this appeared to be compelling them both forward. What this man was doing to them didn't make any sense. He wasn't cutting into them like he was a scientist, it wasn't clean enough, but he was trying to use them for something. 

Joseph wanted to reach back and take Nicholas' hand, but they couldn't risk the innkeeper hurting them again. Joseph pushed the door open and had to put his hand over his mouth to keep himself from gagging. Behind him, Nicholas began to say a prayer in Latin. On the beds were three bodies wrapped in cloth and smelling of chemicals and death. It was a woman and two small children, and he could see the pox still on their bodies. There were pieces missing from each of them, but they were mostly whole. The innkeeper was on the ground nearby. There was a gun in his hand and most of his head missing. There were frantic notes and rotting body parts all over the room. Joseph swallowed back the bile as he realized what this man was trying to do. 

"He was trying to bring his family back," Joseph whispered. 

"He thought he could use our bodies to bring them back to life, and when he realized he couldn’t, he just--" Nicholas cut himself off as he looked at the bodies before them. They reached for each other's hands without even needing to look. Joseph tightly held Nicholas' hand as they walked out of the inn and told the locals nearby that something wasn't right. They moved on to get to Sebastien, and Joseph tried not to think about that nameless innkeeper or his family anymore. 

+++

They are supposed to go to Sebastien, but they decide to divert and take a little time to themselves. The stink of the innkeeper and his family seems to follow them, and they can't take enough baths to get rid of the feeling. Joseph hadn't ever considered the fact that someone might try to take their immortality and try to give it to someone else, but it was a horrifying thing to think about. History always repeated itself, and it seemed that history was determined to hurt them while justifying it as okay. The innkeeper almost looked a little surprised when Joseph told him that they feel pain like it hadn't even occurred to him to think about their pain. 

It was not hard to find a small village about a week away from Sebastien with a smaller house that they could stay in for a few years. Joseph pressed Nicholas into the bed and held him for a long time. Their lovemaking was frantic with an edge of desperation that they didn't usually have. As the bruises and love bites from the night faded from their skin, they both stayed close in the tiny bed that they were going to be sharing. 

"I think about it," Nicholas said, and Joseph frowned as he looked at him. "I think about what would happen if you died before me. We came into this life together, but there aren't any promises that we will leave it together. Of all the horrors we've witnessed in history, that is the thing that keeps me awake at night." 

"I worry about it too," Joseph said softly; he moved, so he and Nicholas were nearly nose to nose. "We're so much older now, and that means it could be any day. We're at the point where the next one could be the last, or we could live for thousands of years like Andrea. Sometimes the latter even frightens me, but then I remember that the only thing about a future lasting a thousand years is if I have to do it without you." Nicholas leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together as they just breathed the same air. 

"He was trying to bring them back," Nicholas whispered. "No one has ever hurt us for what appears to be an altruistic reason. I think it makes it worse because I would have given a piece of myself if it meant bringing his family back. If that was all it took and he asked, I would have given it to him." 

"I know you would have, and that is your kind heart speaking again," Joseph replied. "But I hate seeing you in pain, and keeping you from getting hurt is more important to me than anything else. You will always be the most important thing to me." Nicholas closed the distance between them with a light kiss, and they stayed close like that for the rest of the night, just touching each other and occasionally kissing. When the sun rose the next day, the shadow of the innkeeper and his family didn't loom so large, and when Nicholas smiled, it was like a vice released from Joseph's chest. 

+++

The village was very small, and they looked at two men living together in such a small home very badly. That is why they only stayed two years, and Joseph is honestly surprised they didn't get run out sooner. Nicholas packed their things, and they were on their way to Sebastien. They both did their best to cover their hair to keep the town from noticing that they never aged, but Sebastien had been there for forty years. The other people must have noticed by now, and Joseph just hoped he hadn't been run out of town. 

When Sebastien didn't immediately run up to them and tell them to go away like he had the previous years, that's when Joseph knew that something was wrong. In all of this time, they never actually made it to the front door. Sebastien would see them coming, and he would make sure they stayed away. This time, Nicholas actually knocked, and a very drunk looking Sebastien answered the door. Their eyes didn't get red when they cried, but it was very obvious that he had spent the last who knows how long crying. He wordlessly opened the door for them and gestured for them to sit down. The house was empty. 

"I was wondering if you guys gave up on me when you didn't show up two years ago," Sebastien said as he sat down. He smelled of liquor and like he hadn't washed in a couple of days. Joseph glanced at Nicholas, who was frowning deeply. 

"We needed to take a brief break," Joseph said because he wasn't about to tell Sebastien what the innkeeper did right now. There wasn't any point, and it was clear that something terrible has happened in the intervening years. 

"Sebastien," Nicholas said, and that was the voice Nicholas used when he was channeling his former life as a priest. "Will you tell us what happened?" Sebastien stared at the table for a long time and eventually released a shaky breath. 

"Cancer, my youngest son, Jean-Pierre, has cancer, and he's not going to make it," Sebastien said plainly. "They all know about me, how could they not, but he was lying there in a bed dying and begging me to save him, and I couldn't. He told me to get out; he said I was a selfish bastard and that I obviously never loved him." Joseph closed his eyes and wished with all of his being that they had forced Sebastien to come with them all of those years ago. This was not something one can recover from easily, and judging by the way he was drinking himself into oblivion, that was very much going to be the case. Joseph glanced at Nicholas, who nodded carefully and reached forward to place a hand on Sebastien's. 

"You know I used you to be a priest. I know that was a long time ago, but I'd like to think I can still play the part. Would you like me to give Jean-Pierre his last rites?" Nicholas asked. 

"And I'll stay with you and take care of whatever you need," Joseph added. Sebastien blinked and looked at the two of them like he didn't understand what they were saying. For half a moment, Joseph thought he was too drunk to even understand what they were saying, but he eventually looked like he was about to burst into tears again. 

"I've been telling you to fuck off for years; why would you do that for me?" he asked. 

"You're our brother," Nicholas replied like it was that easy. 

"Our little brother, if we're being technical," Joseph said, and that made Sebastien laugh a little even if it sounded like a sob. He eventually nodded, and that appeared to be all the words he could say for now. Nicholas got up to get his things as Joseph walked him over to the door.

"It sounds like his cancer is advanced, but I think I should stay with him until he passes," Nicholas said softly.

"I think that would mean more to Sebastien than you would ever know," Joseph replied. Sebastien was watching them with wide eyes, but Joseph wasn't in the mood to hide anything. He leaned forward and kissed Nicholas softly, and watched him go. Joseph turned around and looked at the house and the man sitting at the table in front of him. "You need a bath, and if you don't willingly take one, I'm going to find the nearest lake and throw you in." Sebastien made a face, but they went about getting a bath together. Joseph gave Sebastien the privacy he needed and ignored the choking sobs from the bathroom. He threw out anything beyond saving and went out to find something in the house good enough to make dinner. 

By the time Sebastien returned, there was food on the table, and Joseph was waiting for him. They ate in silence as Joseph waited for him to break the silence. 

"You and Nicholas, you're together?" he asked. 

"We are. We've been together since only a few years after we died in the Crusades," Joseph explained, and he tilted his head. "Is that going to be a problem?" 

"No, it's just going to take a little getting used to. That's it," Sebastien said. They hadn't been able to have a lot of long conversations with Sebastien over the years, which meant there was plenty that he didn't know. 

"Sebastien, there is something you should know," Joseph said, and he went on to explain that while they lived much longer, there would come a day that he would die. Joseph made sure to point out that Sebastien was far too young for that to happen now so he wouldn't get any ideas that he could somehow follow his family. Sebastien looked a little green around the edges and took a steadying breath. 

"He told me that I could save so many lives with my gift, and I was selfish for keeping it all to myself," Sebastien whispered. "He said that I could change the world." The words and justifications that seemed to follow them throughout history.

"We can't give this to anyone, and we can't be used to bring someone back," Joseph said, and Sebastien frowned like he wanted to ask. Joseph held up a hand and shook his head. "Don't ask me why I know that but trust me that I do. We don't know why this happens, and we don't have any indication when it'll end." Joseph sighed as he picked up the plates from dinner. "Nicholas is going to stay with your son until he passes, so we have some time to get to know each other a little better, and I'd love to hear about your family, Sebastien. I'd like to help you remember them."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and welcome to another chapter of this fic! We're chugging along nicely and here is a chapter for my American readers to read while they are sprawled out on couches from eating too much and didn't want to zoom with their relatives anymore. I'm making my way through the final chapter of this story nicely and I still believe I am on track to finish by the end of the month. If for some reason I don't finish then it would be finished very early in December but I'm feeling pretty confident. Specific warnings for this chapter include violence, some more body horror of the medical kind, but nothing any worse than what we've seen from this fic so far. Your comments and kudos mean the world and then some and there is a small nifty piece of history at the bottom.

Nicholas spends the next month listening to Jean-Pierre talk about his father while also watching him slowly die. The slow progression of disease was something he wasn't used to watching in real-time anymore, and he didn't know how to react to it half of the time. It wasn't about him, though, and he just listened and let Jean-Pierre rant and say what he needed to say. He gave last rites to multiple people in the hospital while he was there, so no one had to go alone, and once Jean-Pierre passed, Nicholas told the doctors he needed to move on. They asked if they knew if Sebastien was coming back to see his son buried, and Nicholas replied that he didn't know but to give him all of the information in case he didn't. They couldn't stay, not any longer, and it would be hard for Sebastien to not be there, but that wasn't an option. The hospital was already asking too many questions about the man who didn't appear to age.

He got back to Sebastien's house late at night and knocked on the door. Joseph opened it, and they stared at each other until Joseph nodded and let him into the house. Sebastien looked up from the chair he was sitting in, and his face crumbled. There was only one reason that Nicholas would be back, he knew that, but that didn't make it any easier for him to hear. Nicholas walked over and knelt down in front of him. 

"He wasn't in pain," Nicholas said softly. "I helped the doctor's make sure that there wasn't any pain when he passed." 

"Did he speak of me?" Sebastien asked. 

"He did, and he was just very confused. I couldn't say much without giving away how I know, but I assured him that his father must love him and that he should go to Heaven with that knowledge," Nicholas replied. 

"Did he believe you?" Sebastien asked, and Nicholas didn’t answer. It took a considerable amount of time to convince him that he needed to forgive his father, and in the end, Jean-Pierre just couldn’t forgive him in the end. That wasn’t something that Sebastien needed to hear out loud, though, and he seemed to take the lack of an answer for what it was. Nicholas pulled out a piece of paper with all of the details of the funeral on it, and Sebastien stared at it for a long time. 

"Sebastien, we can't stay, and you can't go to the funeral," Nicholas said, and Sebastien looked like someone just stabbed him in the heart. "The staff kept mentioning you to me, saying how it wasn't right that you looked the same while your son aged, that you should look older. A few of them asked if the devil or demons could be involved. We can't stay; it isn't safe." 

"But he's my son," Sebastien said. 

"And Quynh is at the bottom of the ocean because they found out that she couldn't die and decided that she was a witch," Joseph said as Sebastien looked at him. "We can't stay. We can come back in a few decades if you like, but we can't stay." Nicholas glanced at Joseph, who seemed to know that this conversation was coming. Sebastien stared at his hands for a long time until he nodded carefully. They all packed their belongings that night, and by the time the sun rose, they were already on their way out of town. 

Sebastien kept looking back like he wanted to turn around and run back there, but he kept walking. He just kept walking, and Nicholas didn't know how to help him alleviate this pain. He didn't know what it was like to watch a loved one slowly age and die in front of him. Nicholas wasn't close to his family and didn't even think of them much after gaining his immortality and Joseph. He had never been more thankful that he had no one of importance in his life before the Crusades than he was when he watched grief hover over Sebastien like a cloud. 

+++

There was still some time before they could meet up with Andrea, so they decided to head east instead. There was a war brewing, and it was time to show Sebastien what they did with all of their time in the world. Sebastien didn't seem entirely keen on fighting in a war that he didn't have any personal investment in, but they mostly spent their time helping the civilians that were lost in the conflict. Nicholas was becoming increasingly aware that this was the first time he saw people taking pictures of the war effort. Over the centuries, his face and Joseph's and Andrea's and even Quyn's had appeared in various pieces of artwork but never anything too definitive. It could be excused as someone looking the same. The photographs and hearing people talk about them made something twist in Nicholas' gut. 

"It's something that we need to consider," Nicholas said one night. The war was over, and they were on their way back to England to pick up Andrea. Sebastien told them that Quynh was still underwater, so she hadn't found her yet. They had found an inn with two empty rooms, and for the first time in a couple of years, they had some privacy from Sebastien, who still looked at them a little odd but never said anything about the fact that they were together. "We've been moving through history as ghosts because it was a lot easier to do. It took time to paint portraits, and by the time someone did, we were always gone. Photographs are different, and they are going to make it a lot harder to stay hidden." 

"It will," Joseph replied. They were lying on the small bed wrapped in each other's arms. Nicholas thought the first thing he would want to do with Joseph when they were alone would be to dirty the sheets, but he didn't want to move right now. Nicholas was quite content just being in the arms of the man that he loved. "We have a way of sticking our noses into history, and now that history is going to be photographed, there is a chance that we're going to show up more than a few times." 

"It's dangerous," Nicholas said as he shuddered to think about someone else finding out that they couldn't die. Thus far, they hadn't met a single person who didn't try to use it for their own gain or in the name of doing something good. It still turned his stomach that the innkeeper found out what they were and decided to cut into them to try and find a way to bring back the dead. Nicholas didn't want to think about this, but they also didn't have much of a choice. They needed to stay safe, and every time Sebastien woke up gasping for air, it was just another reminder of what their worst fate could be. 

"We'll talk about it with the boss when we see her," Joseph said and kissed Nicholas' forehead. He leaned into the touch and moved his head so they could kiss properly. It didn't matter how many years went by or how many times he did it the concept of kissing Joseph still thrilled Nicholas more than he could put into words. They deepened the kiss, and Joseph rolled them over, so he was pinning Nicholas to the bed. He looked down at him and smirked. "We have all night before we need to check out, and this might be the last time we get a room alone before we meet up with the boss. I think we should take advantage of it." 

"And what's your definition of taking advantage of it?" Nicholas asked though he had a pretty good idea. 

"I was thinking that I could have you, we could take a nap, you could have me, and if we're lucky, we'll get a few more hours of sleep before the innkeeper throws us out," Joseph said. Nicholas freed his wrists from Joseph's hands and pulled him down into a rough kiss. It wasn't quite frantic since they didn't usually get desperate for each other anymore. It was a slow burn of removing clothing only, and that being the only time they stopped kissing each other. Joseph bit down on the tendon on Nicholas' neck, and he arched his back. 

"Sometimes I wish we would have met earlier," Nicholas whispered as Joseph began to kiss down his body. 

"Oh? Have these centuries not been long enough?" Joseph asked, and he bit down on Nicholas' hip while he grinned. 

"No amount of time will be enough," Nicholas said breathlessly. "But I wish I could see the marks we leave on each other. I wish I could see you walking around with a bruise the shape of my mouth on your skin for all to see." Joseph groaned as he moved up and kissed Nicholas hard. Nicholas bit down on Joseph's lower lip hard enough to draw blood and smirked when Joseph jerked his hips. 

"Someday, our immortality will leave us," Joseph whispered against Nicholas' lips. He was about to argue that this was not exactly something he wasn't to discuss in bed, but Joseph silenced him with another kiss. "But we won't lose our immortality in battle. We're going to lose it in some banal way, and when we realize that we're no longer healing, we're going to retire. We're going to Malta or England or anywhere and everywhere in the world. We're going to find a nice place to settle down, and we're going to learn what those bruises look like. I'm going to learn what you look like when you need glasses to see, and you're going to see what happens when my hair starts to go grey. We'll grow old together, finally, as a reward for the long life we led and anyone we managed to save over the years. It's the least god can give us after so many centuries. We will eventually die together at peace of old age." Joseph buried his face into Nicholas' neck and breathed deep. "Until then, I'm fine imagining what those bruises would look on your skin, Nicolo." 

Nicholas swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled Joseph away from his neck so they could look into each other's eyes. Nicholas leaned forward and kissed him soundly, and when he broke away, he remained close. "Your romance has not dwindled from the day I met you." 

"It's entirely your fault," Joseph replied. They smiled brightly at each other and went back to work worshipping each other's bodies. When Joseph finally pushed into him, Nicholas held on tight because he didn't want this to end. There wasn't ever going to be enough time with this man. They eventually fell asleep for a couple of hours, and, as promised, Nicholas got his chance with Joseph as well. By the time they were done, the sky was starting to lighten, but Nicholas didn't care if they were both tired for the rest of the day.

+++

It was an uneventful trip to England, and Andrea was waiting for them by the time they got to the port. She looked at Sebastien and seemed to know that asking would probably not end well for anyone, so she didn't. Instead, she gathered them all up, and they went to the nearest tavern because apparently tonight was a night where they were going to get blind drunk. That usually meant he would have time with Joseph alone as they usually ended up making out in some way whenever they got drunk because some things never changed, but they only had one room, so that didn't seem likely. Andrea could always drink, and the moment she looked at Sebastien, she could tell that he could too. They were either going to comfort each other or destroy each other, and Nicholas wasn't sure which one worried him more. 

The spirit that Andrea ordered for them was vile, and Joseph said so loudly, but that didn't stop her from ordering more. Eventually, she told the barmaid to leave the bottle, and they started just to pass it around. They talked, but it wasn't about anything substantial. Nicholas was doing his best not to lean into Joseph in public, but their legs were pressed together. It was nice, but he could tell that it was making Sebastien spiral. 

"Why were you in the army?" Andrea asked, and Sebastien blinked at her. "It was pretty obvious that you didn't have any loyalty to the cause since you tried to desert, so why were you in the army?" 

"How do you know I deserted?" he asked. 

"We dreamed about you the first time you died," Joseph said. "We experienced it with you right up here." He touched his temples. "So what you could hear when it happened, so could we." Sebastien nodded carefully and played with his glass a little. 

"I was a forger," Sebastien said, and there was a beat of silence like he was waiting for them to do something. "Isn't that a problem?"

"Why would that be a problem?" Nicholas asked as he poured himself another drink. Sebastien looked between the three of them and frowned deeply. 

"You're all trying to do good, and then there's me. I was in the army because it was that or jail, and I chose the army," Sebastien explained. "You all try to do good, so wouldn't you have a problem with a thief?" Nicholas put his elbows on the table and leaned forward a bit. Sebastien looked a little uncomfortable as Nicholas stared at him without blinking. 

"Sebastien, why did the Italians go to the Holy Lands in the Crusades, and what did they do to the people there?" Nicholas asked, and Sebastien paled. "We all have sins we're atoning for. I can assure you that forgery is not the worst thing at this table." 

"In fact, that might be quite useful," Joseph said. "People are getting more and more likely to ask to see identification as we pass over borders. We're going to need someone to forge those types of documents." 

"It depends on the century whether we're the good guys or the bad guys," Andrea explained. "But, in general, we try to help people when we can. You have skills, Sebastien, the same as the rest of us. I'm sure they'll be useful." Nicholas watched Sebastien closely after that, and when he was sure that he was getting to the drunk crying part of the night, he insisted they go up to the one-room they were going to share. There was a single bed only big enough for one person, and Sebastien glanced around like he wasn't sure where to go. 

"Take the bed, Sebastien," Andrea said with a wave of her hand. She put an arm around Nicholas' and Joseph's necks and kissed each of them on the cheek. "This wouldn't be the first time we cuddled." Nicholas smiled and tried not to think about the last time she slept between them like this. Sebastien climbed into the bed and was asleep within seconds, but Andrea made herself comfortable between them. She pressed her forehead to each of them and whispered that she will always protect her little brothers. Nicholas linked his fingers with Joseph across Andrea's stomach, and the three of them fell into a drunken slumber. 

+++

From there, they decided it was time to finally see the New World that everyone had been talking about for so many years. There were whispers of another war over there, and since they hadn't participated in the previous war, they decided it was time to go see what was going on. There were also whispers that this was going to be the war that could potentially end slavery in the Americas, and that was something they all had a vested interest in. The journey was also going to take some time, and time was what the four of them needed. It had been just him and Joseph for so long, and even Andrea felt a bit like a stranger. The long journey gave them all time to bond and to get to know each other a little better. 

Nicholas wasn't really that thrilled to see that the only way Andrea and Sebastien could really talk about anything of substance was with a drink in their hands. There was booze on the ship but not enough to keep up with those two, and he was a little worried as he watched them. Nicholas knew that they were both hurting, but he wasn't sure this was the right way to go about it either. Every morning that Sebastien turned up looking green, like the very sight of the ocean was going to make him sick, was another day that Andrea looked devastated. Nicholas wasn't sure which option hurt her more, the fact that Sebastien kept dreaming or the fact that someday he might stop. 

"She's so angry," Sebastien whispered one night after Andrea had already gone to sleep. He seemed to know that saying this in front of her wasn't a great idea, and Nicholas gave him credit for that one. Nicholas glanced at Joseph, who was frowning deeply. 

"You know what it's like to keep dying over and over again and being unable to escape even on a small scale," Joseph said. "I'd be surprised if she wasn't at least a little mad down there. It's been centuries, and we're no closer to finding her. We keep looking, and we keep failing." 

"She wishes I would stop dreaming sometimes, doesn't she," Sebastien said, and Nicholas didn't even need to ask to know who he was talking about.

"She does because she knows what it's like to be in a cage; she knows what it's like to die over and over again," Nicholas explained. "We all do, and it does take a lot out of you. You have to find joy and purpose in this life, Sebastien, or the stretch of time will consume you. That's why we do what we do. We're human beings, and we need purpose, and this is our purpose. We dream about each other so we can find each other. It's like destiny; it’s like it's meant to be." Sebastien nodded and took a deep breath. He released it slowly and walked out of their room to his own to get some sleep. Nicholas settled into bed with Joseph at his back, and they leaned into each other. 

"Do you think she knows?" Joseph asked. "Do you think she knows that we looked and looked and couldn't find her? Do you think she knows we sometimes stop trying?"

"She can't see us anymore because we've met, but she can see us through Sebastien, so, yes, I do think she knows that we sometimes don't look for her," Nicholas replied, and he shuttered. "I think we need to come to terms with the fact that even if we find her someday, the Quynh that comes out of the ocean won't be the one we knew. Sebastien said she was angry, and while Quynh was short-tempered when it came to protecting us, she wasn't ever angry. I just wonder who the anger will be directed at." What Nicholas didn't add, but what he knew all three of them were thinking was that maybe they deserved some of that anger. They did leave her down there, and their sister might not forgive them for that.

+++

It turned out that Sebastien was very good at downplaying his accent, which meant that he and Andrea fit into the people running around the America's very well. Nicholas and Joseph, however, did not. Joseph, because of his skin and the moment Nicholas spoke, they could all hear how strong his accent was that he never really dropped. Sebastien and Andrea wanted to make their way to the front lines, but Joseph thought that the two of them would be a distraction instead of helping. So they decided to find another way to help, and that was smuggling slaves from the south to the north. 

It enraged him when these people spoke about what they had gone through, but Nicholas was always glad the moment they got them to the north and a safe location. People started calling them the angels of the Underground railroad because no matter how many times people reported that they were killed, they kept coming back. They would wave it all off and say that someone must have seen something different, or it was just a rumor that got out of hand. They never saw the same people twice, and they were just rumors that Nicholas was sure that Andrea and Sebastien must have heard. 

However, he and Joseph heard about the black-haired warrior who was fierce in battle and the man that was always at her side. Sebastien, it turned out, was quite good with a gun in a battle, which people were starting to notice. It sounded like they were doing good work, though, and Nicholas was happy to hear that. The war was starting to wind down, the south was going to lose, and before long, they were going to go back to Europe for a time. They needed to get away from people who might not notice they were aging. He was working with Joseph to get a small family of freed slaves to the north, and they just got to the final drop off point.

"Good luck to all of you," Nicholas said. One of the children, a little girl who was all of five years ago and didn't seem to quite understand what exactly was going on, grinned at both of them and waved. 

"Bye, Joe! Bye, Nicky! Thank you!" she said. Her mother hurried her along as they blinked; no one had ever called them that before. They were alone after a little while and wandering back into the woods until they could find a place to stay for a few days. 

"Nicky, eh?" Joseph said. "Reminds me of when I used to call you Nico." 

"I wasn't ever able to come up with a nickname for you," Nicholas replied as they knocked their shoulders together. "Joe is pretty good too, what do you think? Is it time for new names again?" 

"I hardly think these are new," Joseph said with a wave of his hand. "We're just choosing to go by shortened versions of our current names. That's something that normal people do all of the time." Nicholas raised an eyebrow but took Joseph's hand into his. They walked through the woods together as Nicholas thought about the name in his head. He liked it, and he liked the idea of Joseph calling him Nicky too. It made them sound very familiar with each other and less formal, which was true. He'd have to see how Andrea and Sebastien took the change. 

+++

They met up with Andrea and Sebastien when the Civil War ended, and the north were the winners. They didn't waste any time getting back on a boat that would take them to England because it wasn't worth the risk. They couldn't risk someone finding them. As they were sailing back, they all decided it was time to take on new names. Sebastien wanted to leave as much of himself behind as possible, so he decided to go by Booker. Andromache was sick of Andrea, and much like Joseph and Nicholas, she wanted something a little less formal. She decided that her new name was Andy. Joseph and Nicholas became Joe and Nicky, and much like every other time they had changed names, it was that simple. 

The next hundred years or so were spent fighting in two of the most horrific wars Nicky had seen since the Crusades. The two World Wars, as they would be called, were horrific in very different ways, and if he never died of mustard gas again, Nicky would be content. It was a truly brutal way to go. They helped the people they could, and in between the two World Wars, there was a Civil War in Spain that they tried to help with as well. It was just about saving as many lives as possible. The biggest moment where Nicky truly felt like they were making a difference was when they stopped the deployment of a third atomic bomb. Just when he thought humanity couldn't come up with more horrific ways of killing each other, they proved him wrong. Andy started to get more and more disillusioned with their quest to do good in the world. While they stopped that atomic bomb, there was no telling if they would be able to stop another. 

The decade after World War II in Europe was fascinating, and Nicky wasn't quite sure what to do with it. No one trusted each other as everyone thought that their friends or neighbors might be Nazis in hiding. It made Paris a very strange place to be in by the time 1953 rolled around. Booker never reacted well to anything in France and said that he needed some time to himself. Nicky knew that meant getting drunk in a bunch of different pubs. Andy usually went with him, but this time she decided to stay with Joe and Nicky. The three of them found a two-bedroom flat and settled in for a little while so they could rest. 

It was hard not to get involved, and all three of them weren't the best at walking away when they should have. It meant that there were some close calls and moments when Nicky thought that someone might have seen them come back to life. They weren't as careful as they should have been; Nicky knew that on some level, but they were all still so tired from the wars and the death and everything. A decade wasn't very long to them, and it seemed like it was just yesterday he and Joe were burning one of those camps down to the ground after freeing every single prisoner that they could. They were tired; they were sloppy, there was a decent chance they were all drunk, as least that was the excuse that Nicky made when they were taken unaware in their flat. The people that were taking them snapped his neck, and then he remembered nothing. 

+++

Nicky knew they were in some sort of lab before he even opened his eyes. It was the smell, and it was a smell he didn't ever want to smell again. He knew that smell because he went in and smashed some of the labs that were at the camps. The ones that the men there used to explore the human body by looking at prisoners' dead bodies. Nicky opened his eyes and flinched at the bright light. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, and he looked around to see Joe and Andy both waking up slowly. He was getting very tired of being strapped down to tables, and lying there with his arms spread open didn't even trigger memories from the cross anymore. It didn't trigger memories because that was one of a few times where someone strapped him down and didn’t cut into his body. 

"Fucking hell," Andy said. "I can't believe I let this happen." 

"We all got sloppy," Nicky replied. 

"I blame the fucking Nazis," Joe said casually, and it punched a laugh out of Nicky. If anyone could blame for a lot of things, it was the fucking Nazis. They weren't left alone very long when a young doctor walked in with two nurses.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Andy demanded, and the doctor blinked like he didn't expect them to talk. He was a kid, he looked like he was barely thirty, and both of the nurses couldn't be much older than twenty-five. He has no idea what they were doing here. The three of them glanced at each other. 

"A year ago, someone attempted to transplant a kidney from one person to another," the doctor explained, and there was the slight curl of a German accent. He must have been one of the doctors that went back to the allies after the war. "It failed after three weeks, but we got so close to fixing it. We are so close to figuring how to make it happen, and even when we do, there aren't enough organs to go around." Nicky closed his eyes because he could see where this was going. They needed organs, and who better to get them from than three people who would just grow back a new kidney or heart or set of lungs.

"You're planning on using us as what, organ farms?" Andy snapped, and the doctor shrugged as he began to look over their equipment. 

"Do you know how many lives we will save if we figure out how to transplant organs? Do you know how many lives you'll save just by giving up those organs to the people that need them? It sounds like a noble pursuit to me," the doctor said, and Nicky sighed. 

"Men always find justifications for doing terrible things to other people," he said. "As a German, I imagine you are well acquainted with the idea of hurting your fellow man in the name of good." The doctor froze and paled considerably. The two nurses also froze, and they all looked like they didn't know how to react to that. 

"Do you think you're unique?" Joe asked. "Do you think you're the first man to stand over us and declare that hurting us is the right thing to do? You're not the first, Herr Doktor, you're not the second, and you're not even the third. You have no idea how often you hear the same excuses year after year and century after century." 

"If you touch either of them," Andy said, low and dangerous. "If you harm my brothers, I promise that you will not walk out of here alive. If you let us go right now, no one has to get hurt." 

"You're not going anywhere," the doctor said, but he didn't sound too sure of himself at that moment. Andy, however, smirked, and it was a dangerous smirk. It was one laced with thousands of years of violence that this man couldn't even begin to comprehend. 

"For now. I have time, do you?" she asked. The doctor stared at her, and Nicky could see his hands shaking just a little. For half a moment, he thought that Andy had talked him out of it, and they could grab Booker and get the hell out of Paris. The doctor straightened, and his hands went steady. He nodded to the nurses as they began to gather all of the supplies they would need. Andy just continued to glare at him, and she didn't even make a sound when he cut into her. That seemed to disturb the doctor and the nurses more than anything else. 

+++

Nicky wished that all of this wasn't so normal to him. He wished that he wasn't used to the idea that someone was going to hurt him and claim it was for the better. Nicky wished that people would stop trying to justify their actions over and over to him. It didn't make Doctor Fischer, as they found out later, and his two nurses Ida and Lotte, cutting out his spleen or his heart or his lungs or his kidneys hurt any less, but it was too normal. Nicky didn't think he was someone who would give up on humanity, but sometimes he couldn't see beyond the ugliness that was put in front of him. Sometimes all he could see were evil people hurting those that they could and getting away with it. He believed it was destiny that brought all of them together, he really did believe that, but aside from that, the universal was chaotic. 

It was full of bad people getting good things and good people getting punished. It was full of the blood of children in wars while grown men and women looked away like the blood on their hands didn't matter. It made him angry, it made him sad, and Nicky wondered if that kind heart that Joe always said he had was going to finally break. He thought that maybe this was the time that he finally stopped seeing the good in people and accepted this bleak reality that they all apparently lived in. Fischer had cut out a kidney and somehow managed to clamp down to keep Nicky from bleeding out right there on the table, and he was muttering about trying again and selling their organs to other doctors that were trying to do transplants. 

"Nicky," Joe said, and Nicky didn't open his eyes. He was alive and healing, but he didn't want to open his eyes. "Nicolo, please, look at me and let me know you're still with me. I need to know that you're still with me." 

"I'm still with you," Nicky replied, and he didn't even recognize his own voice. He was a little surprised at just how miserable and dead he sounded. It reminded him of the tone of voice Andy had the first few days after they lost Quynh or how Booker sounded right after his son died. He was beginning to understand why they both constantly drank to keep all of these terrible thoughts at bay. 

"Nicolo," Andy said, and this time Nicky opened his eyes because he hadn't heard his name from Andy in a long time. He blinked against the bright lights and turned his head so he could look at her. She was pale and covered in blood, but she looked murderous. It was quite a sight to see, and he wasn't surprised that Fischer and the nurses tried to keep their distance from Andy when they could. She looked like the goddess that she was once worshipped as. "I see what's going through your head, and I won't allow it. I won't allow either of you to give up." 

"This keeps happening, Andromache; what else am I supposed to do?" Nicky asked, and Andy bared her teeth like a wild animal. 

"Time stole everything from me, and it broke Booker into a million pieces but not you two. I won't let this shitty game ruin everything for you two. Not while I'm still alive," Andy snapped. Nicky blinked and turned to look at Joe. He also looked pale, and Nicky could see his own pain reflected in Joe's eyes. He was thinking the same thing about history repeating itself, and while Joe was more cynical, he did believe that they were doing good and they did things for the right reasons.

"I love you," Nicky whispered in their strange mix of various languages, most of which were nearly dead at this point. 

"I love you too," Joe replied. Nicky tried to smile and then settled back on the bed that he was strapped down to. He closed his eyes and thought about how long they'd been down here. It had been at least a month, and Nicky had to wonder if Booker had noticed yet. They usually had to pull Booker out of pubs while they were in Paris because he didn't want to be aware of what was happening around them. Still, they didn't usually go a full month without speaking to each other when they were all in the same city, and all three of them usually checked in with Booker to make sure he wasn't doing anything too stupid. Maybe he would notice, maybe he would come, and that small sense of hope was enough to get Nicky through the next operation when Fischer declared that it was time to take Nicky's heart again. 

+++

Nicky jerked awake and tried to suck air back into his lungs. He could feel the wound on his chest healing, and it always took so long for an entire heart to grow back. He could hear Joe and Andy trying to talk to him, and Nicky managed to get a few words out to let them know that he was here and they hadn't managed to actually kill him. At least not yet, sometimes he wondered if there was a limit to how many times a body could die before it gave up and if he was anywhere close to that limit. As the world came into focus, he could hear what sounded like excited talking somewhere nearby and a loud thump. Nicky glanced at Joe and Andy, but neither of them seemed to know what was going on. There were loud thumps down the stairs as the door pushed open, and Fischer, Ida, and Lotte all struggled to carry the dead weight of Booker into the room. 

"I was wondering if we were ever going to find the other one," Fischer said, and he looked manic in his glee that he has a fourth person to cut into. He let Lotte and Ida hold Booker as he looked around the room. Nicky frowned because there was something off about Booker. He knew what the man looked like when he was dead, and he also knew what Booker looked like when he was passed out drunk, and this was not either of those. He glanced at Andy and Joe, who were both frowning as well. Nicky looked back at Booker just in time to see him spring into action. He ripped his arms free from Ida and Lotte and managed to knock them both out quite soundly. Fischer frantically reached for a knife to defend himself, but one well-placed punch from Booker, and he hit the ground hard. Booker rolled his shoulders and smiled at them. 

"Sorry guys, I didn't know you'd been taken or where so it took a little while for them to come and get me," Booker said. There was a beat of silence as they all stared at each other, and then everyone was laughing. Booker walked over and carefully freed all of them from their restraints, and it took a little digging for all of them to find their clothing and gear. 

"What are we going to do with them?" Nicky asked as he looked over the doctor and the two nurses. 

"If they were willing to do this to us, who knows what they would be willing to do to anyone they managed to get their hands on," Andy said. 

"And there are a lot of people who fall between the cracks after a war," Joe said. 

"I should have looked out for us better," Andy said, and she stood up a little taller. "I'm the boss, and I should have protected my little brothers better, and since I didn't, this is my burden. Wait outside; I'll join you in a moment." Nicky wanted to tell Andy that she didn't need to get this blood on her hands alone, but he could quite plainly see that this was personal for her. As the years went by, Andy was getting more and more protective of them. If this is what she needed to do to feel better, then this is what she would do. Nicky walked out of the building with Joe and Booker, and the three of them did their best to blend in while waiting for Andy to join them. Nicky really wanted to get his arms around Joe, but the most they could do right now was brush their hands against each other. It was the middle of the day, and there were too many people around. 

"I really am sorry," Booker said, and they both turned to look at him. "If I weren't wallowing in my own misery, it wouldn't have taken me so long to find you guys." 

"If you'd been with us, they might have gotten you too," Joe said, and he sighed as he looked back at the building. Booker watched them carefully and shifted on his feet. 

"This isn't the first time this has happened," he said, and he didn't make it a question. Nicky hummed in agreement, and they waited for Andy to come out of the house. There was the slight smell of smoke in the air, which meant she was probably burning the entire place down. "Are they trying to figure out how it works?" 

"Some of them are," Nicky replied, and he looked back at Booker. "Some of them just want to make us hurt because they can, some of them think it's for the right reasons, it's happened too many times to be a coincidence. It'll happen to you someday, Book, because history has a way of repeating itself." Booker didn't say anything else, but he looked a little thoughtful. Nicky was about to ask him what he was thinking about when Andy walked out of the house. There was a little blood on her clothes, but she closed her jacket enough that no one could see. The smoke was beginning to pour out of the windows by the time they got away, and the fire department's sirens were close behind. They gathered their belongings and left Paris the next day. It was too risky that someone could have seen them leaving the site of a triple murder. 

+++

Nicky tried his best not to get lost in the passage of time, but it had its moments. There were wars and revolutions as the four of them continued to move through the decades. The modern age of technology was quickly becoming a problem now that everyone had cell phones. It was too easy to get captured by people taking pictures and their faces ending up somewhere else. Andy freaked out the first time they were looking through pictures from an event they were at, and their faces were clearly visible. It was dangerous, it was always so dangerous, and after a job with a former CIA operative that Booker found, Andy declared that she needed a year off despite there being plenty of work out there for them. Nicky knew better than to argue, and while Booker and Andy went their separate ways, Joe and Nicky went to their home in Malta to relax for a year or so. 

"We've almost been alive a thousand years," Nicky said one night as they were wrapped up in each other. The sweat was cooling on their bodies, and it didn't matter how many times they were together; it was always just as intense and just as loving. 

"I can't remember what anniversary that is," Joe said. "Would you like a diamond?" 

"You got me one back in 2001," Nicky replied, which was true. The Netherlands was the first country to make gay marriage legal, so Nicky and Joe dragged both Andy and Booker to an official ceremony that was just getting some papers signed and finally exchanging some rings. Nicky always thought he would be standing before god when he finally got married to Joe, but a judge was fine by him. The four of them went out to dinner and then got just insanely drunk that night. Nicky didn't even remember the latter parts of the evening, but the four of them woke up in the same king-sized beds, all waiting for their bodies to cure the damn hangovers. It was perfect, and he wouldn't have asked for it any different. 

"This is true, but you so rarely wear your ring that sometimes I forget that I finally got to marry you," Joe replied. Nicky rolled his eyes at how dramatic he was being and rolled the two of them over so he could look into Joe's eyes. He reached forward and dragged his thumb along Nicky's cheekbone as they smiled softly to each other. It was strange that they could go out and hold hands or touch each other in most places in the world now, and no one would care. The concept of hiding was a hard habit to break, and even in front of Andy and Booker, it was still hard sometimes. "I'm worried about Andy." 

"I am, too," Nicky replied. The world kept them busy, which was not something Andy liked to think about. He knew that she wanted to take a few years off to go searching for Quynh again, but that would require getting a lot of new technology. It was a lot harder to get their hands on those things without drawing attention to themselves, and they never worked with the same person twice, so they had no allies that could help. A year was too short for Andy to go out to sea, which meant that she just needed a break. That was worrying because their older sister was the strongest person they knew, and seeing her on edge was so hard to watch. 

Nicky leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Joe's lips before rolling him over completely and straddling his waist. Joe smirked because while they had one extremely satisfying round, they never settled for one. Joe, it seemed, couldn't ever get enough of him the same way Nicky couldn't ever get enough of Joe. He didn't understand some of these other people he saw through the ages that were together decades and lost their passion for each other. Nicky didn't think he would ever be able to look at Joe and not feel so much passion for him that it sometimes hurt. Nicky loved him 900 years later, and if they got to live another 900, he would love Joe just as much, if not more. 

Joe was also stunningly beautiful as Nicky slowly fingered him open, and his eyes fluttered when Nicky pushed inside. When Nicky leaned forward and pressed their sweaty foreheads together as they moved so perfectly in sync, Nicky sometimes thought they could literally read each other's minds. It was a habit to press a harsh kiss to Joe's lips to muffle their cries when they came, another habit from hiding, and someday Nicky hoped that he wouldn't have to worry about hiding anymore. 

Nicky broke the kiss but remained close to Joe as they both started to breathe a little slower. The sweat started to cool on their bodies, and Nicky eventually had to roll over, or things were going to get even grosser. They needed a shower, but right now, he was content to stay in bed next to the man he loved. They were working so much these days that Nicky was looking forward to a year off, and judging by the way Joe eventually leaned over and kissed him slowly, deeply, like he didn't want to be anywhere else in the world, Nicky had a feeling he wasn't alone with these thoughts.

+++

A year later, Booker called them and said they should head to Marrakech, an interesting city to meet up in. Nicky liked Morocco, and they hadn't been in that corner of the world for quite some time. They both gathered everything they could possibly need for a job and went about the annoying process of shipping most of their weapons across the country. It was the only way they were going to get an Italian longsword, a scimitar, and a pile of guns, including Nicky's sniper rifle of choice, into the country if they didn't want to do it themselves. Booker gave them a connection to get them what they needed, and then it was a plane ride off to the city. The hotel was nice, and Booker was waiting for them in the lobby. 

"Follow me," he said and guided them to the room where they were all going to meet. As soon as the door closed, Joe and Nicky both hugged their little brother, and Booker took their gentle ribbing with about as much grace as someone nearing 300 years old could. They had a few hours before Andy would join them, and Nicky made some tea so they could all catch up. 

"How was your year off?" Joe asked as they relaxed in the small sitting room. 

"I didn't do much," Booker said with a shrug. "Kept my ear to the ground about any work that we might need to run into, but there weren't any emergencies that I could justify interrupting the two of you in Malta." 

"Please, you make us sound like such deviants," Nicky said with a wave of his hand, but Booker raised an eyebrow. 

"You know the walls in the safe houses aren't always as thick as you two think, right," Booker replied, but he didn't make it a question but a statement. Joe rolled his eyes but grinned. 

"Andy never complains, so I don't know why you feel the need to," Joe replied diplomatically, which was certainly a way to put it. When camping with other people, if you wanted any sort of alone time, you either got used to hearing certain things, or you wouldn't make it. It was a bit exhibitionist of them, Nicky knew that, but he didn't really care as much about showing affection when it came to family. Andy was used to it, but considering the world Booker was born into, Nicky assumed that he had a few more years before he caught up. They had the time, so it hardly mattered. 

"Your gear arrived yesterday," Booker said, and he gestured to the boxes sitting across the room. "I figured that Nicky would want to look over his rifle before we did anything." 

"You would be correct," Nicky replied. He finished his tea and unpacked his rifle while handing his sword and Joe's scimitar to him. Joe would sharpen both of them while Nicky worked on the rifle. The other guns needed to be looked over as well, and Booker wordlessly picked one up, and the three of them worked on the weapons until Booker looked at the time. He got up and went to find Andy. 

When they returned, Nicky immediately took Andy into his arms and held onto her tightly. They had gone longer without seeing each other, but as the centuries went on, Nicky became more and more aware that any day the three of them could lose their immortality. Andy was thousands of years old, and he and Joe were approaching a thousand. They could go at any time, and he treasured the moments with his sister. He lost one already; he was loathed to lose another.

Nicky lost his money to Booker as he tried to stump Andy, and they finally got the job. Unfortunately, it went against one of Andy's big rules, which was that they do not do repeat jobs for people. It made sense; in the old days, it was a lot easier to hide from people, but now, with cameras and videos and social media, they had to keep their heads down. However, the job was rescuing some girls from fates that Nicky didn't want to think of, which was motive enough for him. Andy eventually relented, and he and Joe set up in a window to watch while Booker and Andy got the details from Copely. Nicky smiled and huffed a laugh when Copely waved at him through the sniper scope. He had no fear, and Nicky had to give him credit for that if nothing else.

Joe wrapped his arms around him the night before the mission and placed a soft kiss at the back of Nicky's neck. He leaned back, just a little, so they were both comfortable as they slept as they always did. Nicky slept well the night before missions now, and they went to Sudan, feeling rested and ready to help people. The op itself wasn't that difficult in terms of the work that they usually did. Joe was his spotter and gave Nicky the go to fire his rifle, and then they infiltrated the base. The four of them were so used to moving like a unit that it really did come second nature at this point. They walked lower into a container where the girls could be and were blinded by lights. Nicky stared down a dozen men with guns and sort of hated everything at that moment. 

It always hurt to get shot, and while bullets would eventually push themselves out of his body, that didn't make the act of getting shot hurt any less. These men did not hesitate to pump them all full of bullets, and they all went down. It was also clear that these men had no idea what they were up against because none of them had much ammunition left after taking them down. Nicky made eye contact with Joe when they healed, they had to confirm that the other was there at all times, and the four of them got to their feet. The men who had killed them stared them down with wide eyes, and this was the end of them. 

Nicky didn't enjoy taking lives, but he understood that he had to sometimes. These men were doing something terrible here, and they had seen the four of them come back to life. At this point, killing them was a matter of survival because letting them get away ran the risk of people finding out. So he slit throats with his sword and put bullets in heads. Andy asked if they were all okay and noticed the camera that had watched the entire thing. Copely had betrayed them, and now he had video evidence that they could come back to life. Nicky closed his eyes and tried to stop his heart from beating so hard. 

+++

Andy was upset, and Nicky could see that the fact that they did it for the right reasons meant little to her right now, but he had to remind her anyway. The years seemed to be catching up to their big sister, and the weight of the war and violence and death and blood was beginning to be the only thing she could see in this world. They had to go underground, vanish for at least a decade, if not more because that was the only option they had. It was good, for them, that they could at least outlive most of the people that Copely could sell that data to. They were on a train car, all trying to sleep when Nicky found himself looking at the world through someone else's eyes. A knife lashed out and slit a woman's throat, and she gasped and bled and fought as she died. Then, just like that, she was alive again, and Nicky found himself thrown out of the dream. Everyone in the car was also breathing hard, and Andy looked frayed around the edges.

It was eventually decided that Andy would be the one to go get her while the three of them would make their way to one of the Paris safehouses. Booker watched Andy jump out of the car to make her way to Afghanistan and then turned to the two of them. 

"Was that what it was like when I turned?" Booker asked. "The dreams with Quynh, those are vivid, but this one was even worse."

"It wasn't fun to feel your broken neck knit back together," Joe said. The three of them sat in silence as the train continued to rumble along. 

"There was almost seven hundred years between the two of you and me and even longer between you two and Quynh and Andy. Why now? Why someone else?" Booker asked, but neither of them had any answers for him because they didn't know themselves. Nicky reached forward and squeezed Joe's hand because this could not be a worse time for them to gain a little sister. They were about to go underground for decades, and she wouldn't understand why. She might not want to stay, and Joe and Nicky knew more than anyone how much it broke Booker to watch his family die. Nicky just hoped they could figure out a way to spare their new little sister the same pain. 

+++

The church safehouse was one that everyone loved to give Nicky a hard time, but he ignored all of the smart comments to get them some food. Booker went into the bedroom to unpack, and Joe joined him in the kitchen. They'd been running non-stop since Sudan, and they really hadn't had a chance to be around each other since the attack. It didn't matter how many times Nicky saw Joe covered in blood from a death; it was still like someone stabbed him. They leaned close and pressed their foreheads together for just a moment before Joe took a step back. Booker was talking on the phone and came out a few minutes later. 

"Andy has her," Booker said. 

"How did it go?" Joe asked. 

"Apparently, she stabbed Andy, and Andy shot her in the head, so, you know, going well," Booker deadpanned. Nicky smiled to himself and finished some dinner for the rest of them. They dreamed of her, Nile, again that night. She was on a plane with Andy, and Andy was beating the crap out of her. She had a fire, and that was something someone needed to get through this life. It took a few days for Andy and Nile to appear, and they had to tell her everything, including the fact that someday they would all die. She seemed to be taking it as well as someone could take these sorts of things. 

That night, Nile woke them all up with a dream of Quynh, and Booker just closed his eyes. He stopped reacting to Quynh's drowning a long time ago, and he must have made an attempt not to let them know that it was still happening. Andy always got this lost look in her eye whenever Booker would wake up, and it was apparent he had been dreaming about Quynh. Nicky knew it was wrong, but sometimes he wished that Quynh's immortality would just leave her so she could finally get some peace. It hurt to hear the way Nile described his older sister. Nile needed some space, and Nicky watched her go. This was a lot, and there wasn't any easy way around any of it. 

Booker and Joe were watching a football game, and he was reading when the door was kicked in. There was smoke in the air, gas, and Nicky was gasping for breath before he could get a word to Joe. Joe was struggling to get to him, but the gas was slowing them both down. It wasn't quite enough to kill them, and Nicky could only watch as explosion went off near Booker. It was too close, and Nicky could smell the burnt flesh in the air. A soldier walked up to him as Nicky gasped for breath and smashed his head in with the butt of a gun, and everything went dark. 

The world came back in pieces, and he could hear Joe calling for him. When Nicky finally came to, they spoke to each other in Italian until one of the soldiers made a crack about what they meant to each other. Nicky sighed because he was really sick of bigots in the world when it came to his relationship with Joe. Joe, however, was apparently not in the mood and spun beautiful words about how Nicky was his entire life. 900 years later, and Joe could still make his heart skip a beat with mere words. 

"You're an incurable romantic," Nicky said, and they both leaned forward to kiss. Their hands were bound, but he could feel Joe holding his neck. It was so good to be close after all of this, but rough hands eventually pulled them apart. Nicky glared but glanced at Joe. They didn't have their hands and their feet were chained together, but they never needed much to take care of men like this. They weren't expecting Nicky and Joe to fight back, and with all of their weapons and armor, it was easy to snap necks and knock these men down. They leaned close as the car came to a stop, and Nicky couldn't help but make a crack. 

"I don’t suppose it would be possible to get these chains off of us?" he said as the man started barking orders to get them on the plane. 

"I guess not," Joe muttered, and they were both roughly dragged off of the plane. They had briefly spoken about it in the van, but the more blase they were about this entire thing, the greater chance they had of throwing their captors for a loop. So he commented on the fact that the plane had a TV while Joe asked if there was champagne. When they were both settled in their chairs, the man who appeared to be the leader of this little group of mercenaries that Nicky heard a few people refer to as Keane stared them both down with barely contained contempt. It took a lot of self-control not to smirk back, but that might not end in their favor. The worst situation was that there was a fight bad enough that the plane crashed. It wouldn't be the first time they survived something like that, but Nicky wasn't exactly looking forward to it. 

They took off, and someone handed Keane what looked like a recording device. He took out a pair of headphones and listened to them until he smirked. 

"You know," he said. "They were recording everything you two said in the van while you were on the way here. That was quite a speech you made, so I can only imagine what would happen if one of you had to watch the other get hurt." 

"Every man or woman that has done such a thing has not left with their lives," Joe said casually. "So if you value your life and the life of everyone on this plane, then you should not try to use us against each other." 

"Everyone on the plane?" Copely said with a frown. 

"It wouldn't be the first plane crash we've survived," Nicky said with a shrug. Copely stared at them, but Keane still looked like he was contemplating doing something incredibly stupid. They were both so angry they could barely see, but Joe was the one who was more likely to lash out. Nicky wanted to bide his time and maybe see if he could get this Keane close enough to snap his neck. 

"We'll see," Keane said, and they all settled down into a short plane ride to London that was completely silent. Nicky could have spoken to Joe in their language, but he had a feeling that something like that would just provoke a man like Keane. Nicky also didn't know if this man had a problem with them or a problem with the fact that they were men in a relationship, but they both knew from too much experience that the violence that came with bigotry just stung a little more than others. 

They were herded into cars and taken to a large office building. Nicky had a pretty good idea where they were right now in London, but that didn't really help them get away. They needed a chance to escape and get to Booker, Nile, and Andy to tell them just how badly they'd been compromised. Keane and his men pushed them into an office where a smarmy looking man introduced himself as Merrick and started quoting Shakespeare at them. He glanced at Joe, and Joe just looked back; he wasn't sure if they were supposed to be impressed by this or not, but they saw the first-ever run of King Lear, so hearing it spoken from a man trying to badly make a point wasn't exactly compelling. 

Merrick pushed Joe just a little too far and got just close enough for Joe to headbutt him. Merrick stumbled back, and Keane pressed a gun to Joe's neck, telling him to watch it. Nicky would have smirked if he didn't see Merrick wrap his hands around a sharp letter opener. 

"Mr. Copley provided me with footage of your unique talent, but I prefer my evidence to be indisputable," Merrick said as he stabbed Joe in the shoulder and neck. Nicky yelled out a 'no,' which was probably the most extreme reaction he had given these men so far, and that also proved Keane's point about hurting them in front of each other. Joe's wounds healed, and he swore as they did. They were both on their knees now, and they leaned into each other to touch foreheads. It was a comfort, but the men holding them pulled them away. Nicky could see the doctor watching the two of them like they were pieces of meat that she was looking forward to carving up; it was a look he knew too well. Merrick called them lab mice and said that he doesn't ask lab mice for permission to kill them. Merrick wanted their genetic code, and Nicky didn't like the sound of that. 

The tasers knocked them both to the ground, and Nicky really hated those things. Then someone came at them with syringes, and he felt his blood run cold. They'd been awake since they got into the van after the attack, but Nicky didn't want to be unconscious. He didn't want to let Joe out of his sight because if he did, they might lose each other, and that was not an option. Nicky could see Joe panicking in the same way, but there were too many people holding them down, and Nicky could feel the pinch of pain in his neck. The word started to go dark, and he fell unconscious as someone yanked him up. 

+++

It was strange to wake up after being drugged compared to waking up when you're dead. When they came back to life, it was usually with a gasp of air, and after a moment or two, they were back to normal. It was a struggle to come back from drugs, and it seemed whatever these people had pumped them with, they were very generous. Maybe they rightfully assumed that their bodies would break down whatever was put in them faster, and it wasn't like there was a consequence for overdosing. Nicky slowly blinked awake into the bright lights of a lab. There were electrodes on his chest but thankfully no needles in his arm. His arms and legs were strapped down, and he was missing a shirt. Nicky could move his head, and the first thing he did was look for Joe.

He was also slowly blinking awake in the next bed, and they both relaxed just a little as they made eye contact. They weren't separated, and if nothing else, Nicky was grateful for that. A door opened, and the woman doctor from earlier walked in. She looked pleasant enough, but Nicky knew better than to trust anyone who looked at them like things instead of people. 

"Welcome back, gentlemen," she said. "I've learned so much about you two already. We gave you enough sedatives to kill a lesser man and yet you both sit here with normal vitals. Utterly fascinating." 

"We're human beings; you do realize that, don't you?" Joe said because sometimes these people seemed to think they were less than human just because they couldn't die. "Every single time you hit us, it hurts. You cut us, and while we don't bleed as much as you do, it still hurts. Do you understand?" 

"I can make this as unpainful as possible if you cooperate," the doctor said. Her name tag said her name was Kozak. She picked up a clipboard and began to read through her notes. "Now, I believe that your names are Joe and Nicky. I want to know how old you actually are." Nicky glanced at Joe, and they both remained silent. She looked between the two of them and let out a sigh. "Will you tell me where you came from? You sound Italian, but that doesn't mean much if you're over a hundred years old. The borders of countries change so much." They remained silent, and Kozak narrowed her eyes. "Very well, it seems that you've decided not to make this painless. It's no matter; I can work with either option." She picked up a scalpel and walked over to Joe. 

"Don't lay a finger on him," Nicky warned, his voice low and dangerous. It was a tone that he didn't often use on other people because it gave away just how dangerous he really was, and Nicky liked for people to underestimate him. This woman was going to cut into Joe, and he wasn't going to lie here and watch that happen. She paused and tilted her head like she was trying to figure something out. 

"Interesting," she said and turned back to Joe. Nicky struggled as he had to watch her cut into Joe's arm and made the wound deep enough that she began to collect blood from him. It was messy, and it took more than one cut for it to happen. Nicky struggled against his restraints, and while Kozak looked over her shoulder at him from time to time, she didn't stop. Nicky was forced to lie there and watch her bleed Joe dry until the heart monitor went flat next to him. She hit a timer on her watch and started to gather up the many bags of blood that she has stolen from Joe, and Nicky felt his throat close up as he watched that heart monitor stay flat. Then Joe gasped and came back to him, and Nicky breathed a sigh of relief. Kozak was smiling and made a note on her clipboard. 

"Yusuf," Nicky whispered, but Joe was still a little out of it. It would take more than a few minutes for the blood to come back after being drained dry. Nicky wasn't paying attention to Kozak, so her shoving a massive needle into his hip bone took him by surprise. Nicky could feel his bone cracking, and he cried out in pain. That made Joe pay attention, and he looked over at Nicky. 

"Bone marrow could tell us so much," Kozak said as she began to pull the marrow from his body. It was bad enough that his skin and muscle were trying to heal around the needle, but he could also feel his bone was trying to heal as well. He wondered if it was going to get stuck or push it out. He almost hoped it would get stuck because then she wouldn't have to stick the needle in him again. Nicky grit his teeth hard enough that he thought he might break one of them, and that would be annoying to fix. Kozak frowned as the draw stopped, and she pulled out the needle. Nicky took a gasping breath, but the pain lingered. "Did your bone force the needle out when it healed?" she asked like he had any inclination to tell her. He just glared and said nothing. Kozak glared right back and pulled out another syringe.

Whatever she just injected him with felt like fire and ice in his veins. It made it hard to breathe, and Nicky could hear his vitals going crazy. Joe was trying to talk to him, but Nicky couldn't quite get the words. He couldn't catch a breath, and he could feel the world around him start to go dark. Nicky wanted to tell Joe that he'd be back and it would be fine, but he couldn't say a word. The world went dark as his body failed him. 

Nicky gasped, and he could still feel the lingering effects of whatever Kozak just injected him with. She smiled as she hit something on her watch and wrote down on the clipboard. "I need to drop these off in the lab, and then I'll be back to collect tissue samples," she said and strolled out of the room. 

"Nicky," Joe said softly, and he looked over at the man he loved more than anything. He knew that they were both pale and trying to get their energy back, but there wasn't a chance that she was going to make this easy on them. "I love you," Joe whispered in their language so no one, no matter who was watching, could take them from them. 

"I love you too. Our family is coming," Nicky replied. "Andy and Booker won't leave us here; I believe that." Joe nodded, and they watched each other as they waited for Kozak to join them again. She began stabbing Joe in the side with a needle and taking some samples from his lungs. Nicky could tell that it hurt, and every single time he thought she was done she kept going back for more. Joe wouldn't look away from him as she injected him with another sedative, and Nicky had to watch him fade away again. Kozak walked over and began to look over her instruments some more. 

"I was listening to the recording that Keane made of the conversations in the van," she said idly. "It was quite romantic what he said to you. What stood out to me was when he said that your kiss still thrilled him after a millennia. I can only assume that means you have both been alive for close to or over a thousand years. Is that accurate?"

"Do you believe that I'll tell you anything?" he said, and he winced as she shoved another needle into him. His body was trying to heal around it, and Nicky shook with pain as she took samples from what he could only assume was his liver. 

"Do you feel the wound trying to close?" she asked as she pulled the needle out. She touched the wound on his side with gentle hands, and it annoyed him; violence would have been better. 

"You will not be able to give him what he wants," Nicky said as he tried to get his breath back. Kozak regarded him with an odd look.

"You think I go too far? That I am unethical?" she asked like she cared about his opinion of her. 

"I would say immoral," Nicky said, which was an understatement if he ever made one.

"I believe this can change the world," Kozak said, and Nicky nearly sighed because there were those words. The same ones that seemed to follow him from century to century no matter where they were or what they were doing.

"A fine justification," Nicky replied honestly. "I’ve heard it so many times before." Kozak looked a little uncomfortable, but she left just as Joe was coming back. Nicky breathed a sigh of relief, and he was so glad that Joe was awake again. "As much as I like watching you sleep, I’m glad you’re awake."

"Bedhead?" Joe asked, and it was such a ridiculous question that it broke the tension in the room, and Nicky had to laugh. 

"Nicely tousled," Nicky replied. They spoke quietly to each other about Malta and how they should really go back again. It was a brief reprieve as Kozak walked in with equipment to take samples and more things that looked like they could be tools to kill them. Nicky closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was not going to end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the stuff Fischer says about a kidney transplant being attempted and then failing after six weeks is true. The first organ transplant was a skin transplant in 1869 followed by a cornea transplant in 1906. In 1954, in Boston, the first successful kidney transplant occurred with a living donor giving a kidney to his identical twin. Two years earlier in Paris, in 1952, an attempt was made with a living donor and failed after 3 weeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, look, I know I said this thing was going to be six chapters, but it's going to be seven. The last section was starting to approach 17k, and that seemed way too big. So we get another chapter that's going to be on the shorter side. Since it was initially part of this chapter there isn't a POV switch back to Nicky which kind of annoys me but I don't want to rewrite 6k+ words. At the moment, I think I'm going to finish this story tonight unless I decide to add another scene at the end, which I might. I think these guys have earned some fluff after the hell I put them through in this fic, so maybe I'll give it to them. So here is the first part, and look for the last one sometime this weekend. As for specific warnings, there isn't really one aside from Canon Character Death and Minor Character Death and Nicky and Joe reminding the world that while they are soft for each other, these two are warriors and you should not piss them off. Thank you for all of the support <3

Joe tried to spend a decent portion of his long life without hate. There were a lot of people he hated at the moment, but that hatred would fade after a time. However, the people that would use the greater good to justify hurting him or the people he loved would not ever be forgiven. For that alone, Merrick was going to die, Keane was going to die, and Kozak was going to die. On a logical level, he knew that Merrick was the one fronting all of this, but right now, Kozak was the person he hated the most. They recorded everything in the van, so they knew what Nicky meant to him, and Kozak liked that. She liked the idea of two people being together for so long and still actually liking each other.

"My grandparents were together for sixty years," she said casually as she washed her hands of their blood. She was getting creative in how she killed them. She would take samples while they were alive, while they were dying, while they were dead, within certain time frames after they came back. She would slit their wrists or throat, so they bled out, and she could collect the blood. She would remove organs and wait for them to grow back. Joe hated seeing Nicky's heart literally in her hands, and every single time she looked at the two of them like a puzzle she wanted to put together, he hated her more. "They didn't even like each other that much in the end but you two have been together for much longer, yet you still like each other. How long has it been?"

"Our personal lives are none of your fucking business," Joe snapped, and Kozak smiled like it was amusing that he was so angry at her he was seeing red. 

"What if I told you that I would take him away if you didn't tell me?" Kozak asked as she gestured to Nicky. He was healing after she injected him with something that left him screaming again. Joe hated whatever was in those syringes, but he hated hearing Nicky scream more. The idea of being separated from him made his blood run cold. "I could arrange that, you know. I could tell Mr. Merrick that I believe one of you should be sent to another lab across the world just for safekeeping." 

"Why do you care about what we are to each other?" Joe asked, but she shrugged as she took more notes because he wasn't telling her 'no,' which just made him hate her even more. 

"I have to wonder what a long life does to a person, and I imagine having someone there helps. If you're going to help cure people and maybe even stop aging, I need to know what kind of side effects we can expect from people," Kozak said, and she looked up from her clipboard. "Also, because you won't tell me, and the sooner you realize that you are not in charge here, the sooner we can move on. So, Joe, what will it be? Will you tell me how long the two of you have been alive, or do I need to send him somewhere?" Nicky began to twitch, and she glanced at him. "You have until he wakes up to make a decision." Joe could tell when Nicky was about to come back to life; he knew what it looked like because those little indications kept him going whenever he saw Nicky fall, and he knew he didn't have a long time.

"We met and died at the same time," Joe said, and Kozak smiled as she sat down and began to take notes. 

"You were both already immortal then?" she asked, and he really didn't want to tell her any of this, but Joe didn't know if she could tell from his vitals if he was lying and he couldn't risk her taking Nicky away if she found out he was lying. 

"No, we killed each other and came back at the same time," Joe replied. She took more notes and leaned over to hit a button next to Nicky's bed. The IV line in his arm was aching, Joe hated needles, and he knew that Nicky did too, then something switched on. "What did you do?" 

"So he stays asleep. See? Heartbeat is normal," Kozak said. "When did you two meet?" Joe bit his tongue and glanced at Nicky, who looked like he was sleeping peacefully if it wasn't for the slight frown on his lips or the crease between his eyes. He was in pain, at least a little, and that just wasn't acceptable. Kozak cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow. 

"I believe in the modern calendar the year is 1099," Joe replied, and Kozak froze. She went extremely pale as she looked up at him like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Joe looked away from her. 

"You're nearly a thousand years old. You weren't being poetic when you said a millennia," she whispered. "You said you died at the same time, and considering your nationalities, this was the Crusades?" Joe clenched his jaw because how he and Nicky met is no one's business, but Kozak looked like she was so excited about this news. "If you met in the Crusades, that means you weren't on the same side of the war. You were enemies." 

"That we were," Joe said without elaborating. 

"And when did you become lovers?" she asked. Joe could have told her about when it happened, but he didn't want her to have this information. He didn't want anyone to know about all of this. Nicky was beginning to groan, and Kozak stood up. She was about to push the button to keep Nicky out when her phone beeped. She smirked and walked away from them without a word. Joe didn't want to think about why she would leave them sitting here like this, and Nicky blinked a few times as if he was trying to clear his vision. 

"I'm so sorry," Joe whispered. 

"What happened?" Nicky asked, and he sounded like he very much needed a drink. 

"She threatened to take you away from me if I didn't tell her some of our history. I tried to keep as much of it from her as I could, but I couldn't risk them taking you away from me," Joe explained. Nicky would have waved his hand if he could; instead, he just shook his head and gave Joe that half-smile that still made him a little weak in the knees. 

"There is nothing to forgive," he replied. He was about to ask Nicky if he was all right when there was some commotion outside. They both looked up to see soldiers dragging Booker and Andy in, and Joe wanted to hit something. There was something about the way Andy was moving that was like falling through the ice. 

"She's not healing; I killed her," Booker said as they strapped the two of them to the bed. He could see the gunshot on Andy's stomach, and it wasn't healing. It was apparently Andromache's time, and Joe let his head fall back, and he closed his eyes. He was going to lose another one of his sisters, and he hated this. He was not only going to lose one of his sisters, but he was going to lose her in a place like this. Merrick and Kozak were talking about how they needed to stabilize her and how something must have changed. 

"All things die," Nicky said in that voice that was heavy with the knowledge and burden that they carried through the centuries. 

"What was that?" Merrick asked. 

"Everything has to die, Mr. Merrick. The only reason we haven’t is that it’s not our time yet. If it’s now Andromache’s, nothing you can do will stop it," Nicky said, and Merrick looked angry at that suggestion. He took a threatening step forward.

"You’d be surprised by what my products can do. I will carve slices off you for years to get what I want," Merrick said. "Your time is coming."

"As is yours." Nicky made sure that the weight of those words was there, and Joe could see Merrick trying to come to terms with the fact that he was very much going to die someday while they carried on. Kozak finished stitching Andy's wound and gave her some medication to keep her from getting sick. They looked giddy at the prospect of having all three of them, and everyone left the room as they excitedly talked about what they were going to do next. 

"How did they get you?" Nicky asked when everyone was out of the room. "Booker said, "I killed her," but I don't understand what that means." 

"It means I'm the reason we're here," Booker said, and there was a beat of silence where it sounded like Joe could hear a pin drop. Andy, however, remained silent as she stared at the ceiling and didn't say a word. 

"Care to repeat that?" Joe said evenly. 

"I'm the reason we're here. I told Copely about us, so I'm the reason we're here," Booker repeated, and Joe couldn't believe what he was hearing. Booker was his brother, and Joe knew that these people could have found a way to kill them. He didn't want it to end this way; Joe very much had a plan that the only option for him and Nicky was that they would lose their immortality in a mundane way, and then they would get to live their lives. These people could take their immortality away or separate them. Joe had a pretty good idea that they were going to separate the four of them no matter what. 

"You selfish piece of shit," Joe snapped because Booker was only thinking about his ending and how it would impact him. He didn't care that this could mean the end for all of them. 

"Joe, leave it, please," Nicky said because Nicky wasn't the type of man to express his anger here and now. His Nicolo burned slow when it came to his anger, and he let it out at the right place at the right time. This wasn't the right time for him, but Joe didn't really care right now. The sting of betrayal hurt too much.

"What do you know of the weight of all these years alone?" Booker asked, and Joe snapped that he was pathetic. Nicky told him to stop again, but Booker continued. “You and Nicky always had each other, right? And all we had was our grief." That hurt more than Joe could put into words because he did have all these years with the man he loved, but that didn't mean that they weren't lonely. That they didn't see the world passing them by as they stayed the same, that they didn't meet good people that they knew they would lose someday. They were lucky, but Joe couldn't believe that Booker thought that they didn't have any pain.

"Well, now you have even more," he said for lack of anything else to say. The emergency lights were switched on, and several alarms started to go off. Joe frowned as he looked around and wondered if someone maybe lit the building on fire or something. Then he heard the sound of gunfire, and he looked at Nicky, who seemed just as bewildered as he did. Kozak came back into the lab, and she looked frantic, like there was something very wrong. The door to the lab opened, and Nile stumbled in with bullet holes in her body and a look of determination on her face. Joe just stared at her because she came back for them. This woman was a virtual stranger, and she came for them. 

Nile knocked Kozak out and freed them all. Joe tried to ignore how he stumbled the first time his feet touched the floor. It didn't take long to track down the bag that had he and Nicky's shirts and shoes in them, and they quickly began to get dressed. Joe could hear Nile and Andy talking softly to each other and Booker declaring that he should be left behind. Joe could agree, wanted that traitor left behind, but Andy wouldn't have any of it. Nile told him that no man was left behind, and Andy said that he and her needed to live. Joe didn't want to fight with Booker at his back right now, but they didn't have a choice. Nicky touched Joe's arm, and they clenched hands for just a few seconds to reassure each other that they were there. 

Joe was a little angry and frustrated and maybe wanted to take his anger out on some guards. Nicky was just as brutal as he was, but Nile seemed to be a step ahead of all of them. They were so used to fighting with an Andy that couldn't die that they needed to protect her now. They all stepped between Andy and a bullet as they made their way through the building. There was an explosion, and Joe found himself and Nicky very much caught in it. 

His ears were ringing, and Joe was having a hard time seeing, but he saw Keane walk in. He kicked Nicky in the stomach, and they began to brawl. Nicky managed to get Keane to the ground, but as Joe got to his feet, Keane kicked Nicky back into a metal cart. Joe knocked Keane's gas mask off, but he managed to take a shot to the throat. He could see Keane's hand on his gun, and dying like this would slow them all down too much. Nicky grabbed onto the gun, and Joe could only watch as Keane pivoted around, shoved his gun in Nicky's mouth, and pulled the trigger.

Joe had seen Nicky die in many horrible ways over the years, and when they first met, Joe was the one killing Nicky in those horrible ways. It didn't matter how many times he saw it; the look in Nicky's eyes when there was no life behind them shattered him in ways Joe couldn't even begin to put into words. Keane managed to get away, and Joe crawled over to Nicky's still form. A gunshot at that close in range would have blown out the entire back of his skull, and while on some level, Joe knew it was a large injury that would take time to heal, that didn't stop the panic growing inside of him every second that ticked by. He reached out to touch Nicky but wasn't sure he was in the right frame of mind to touch the body of the love of his life. 

Nicky gasped as he came back to life, and they reached for each other as he tried to calm his breathing. They looked at each other, trying to provide some form of comfort in this hell they were stuck in because there wasn't time for anything else. They needed to get to Andy, but Joe couldn't take his eyes off of the blood that soaked Nicky's hair, and that was running down the back of his neck.

Joe blamed the fact that he wasn't in the greatest headspace for the fact that he decided to swing into a window on a rope with a gun in hand was the best way to handle this situation. He also blamed it on the fact that he made sure that Keane died harshly as he brutally broke the man's neck after telling him that he shouldn't have shot Nicky. They thought Merrick was getting away, but Nile ended up falling through a window with him and landing on a car. It was certainly a way of leaving with style, and Joe had to give her credit for that. She was covered in blood and clearly still healing, but they all climbed in a car and left Merrick Pharmaceuticals behind them. Booker wordlessly handed Andy a phone as she drove, and she dialed a number. 

"Copely," she said. "We need a place to hide and recover right now. You owe us that much at least." There was a beat of silence, and Joe could hear Copely talking. Andy didn't say anything else as she hung up the phone and took them to an apartment building on the other side of town. There was a back entrance, and they were able to get to the place where Copely said they would be safe, at least for now, without anyone seeing them. The apartment was large and modern and, from what Joe could tell, might actually be Copely's personal residence, which meant he wasn't planning on being careful where he got blood. 

He and Nicky did a sweep and found three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and some food. The cabinets seemed to have some basic med kits in them, but Joe didn't know a ton about what people could or could not have when they were in Andy's situation. She winced as she sat down on the couch, and Nile immediately got to work. Booker watched her with a strange expression on his face and glanced over at Joe. He took the gun he was carrying out of his pockets and set it on the table. Booker made sure to show that he wasn't armed and then walked out of the room without another word. He went into one of the bedrooms, and Joe followed him. It was the bedroom with a lock on the outside, which Joe took advantage of. Booker could sit in there for all he cared. 

"I can take care of this," Nile said. "It'll take me a minute to get everything ready, so why don't you two go clean up, and then Andy and I will get the next showers." She just jumped off a building, but her hands were steady. Joe could already tell that Nile was going to be the best of them, and she didn't even have a year under her belt. Joe glanced at Nicky, and they both walked toward the bathroom with the biggest shower. There wasn't a chance in hell that Joe was planning on letting Nicky out of his sight for the foreseeable future, and judging by the way Nicky kept looking over his shoulder, he felt the same way. 

Joe locked the door, turned on the water, and they both stripped out of their ruined clothes. All of their wounds were gone, but the phantom reminders of the needles and Kozak cutting into him and everything else was just too much. They got into the shower, and Joe watched as the water ran red for far too long. He reached up and ran his fingers through Nicky's hair and hated how bits of bone and everything else hit the floor of the tub. Something big enough that Joe can hear it hit the tile over the sound of the water, and he buries his face into Nicky's neck and just exists. They wrap their arms around each other and stand under the water, naked, neither of them mentioning how the other is trembling in the other's arms. Joe knows they're in here too long, but he doesn't really care. He just needs to be around Nicky and feel him whole and breathing beneath his hands. 

"Yusuf," Nicky whispered. "We got out, we're here, and neither of us is going anywhere." 

"That son of a bitch stuck a gun in your mouth and pulled the trigger," Joe spat out. "I had to watch your skull come back together, and it took too long." 

"It wasn't pleasant for me either," Nicky replied. "But we're here now, and we're dead, so we need to focus on that right now and everything else later." Joe took a deep breath and released it slowly. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Nicky's, and they both took several deep breaths. They managed to actually wash all of the blood from their skin, and Joe was about to turn off the water when there was a knock at the door. 

"It's me," Nile said, cracking the door open. "I have some clothes for you two. It's just t-shirts and sweatpants, but that's about the best we can do right now. I'm going to drop them on the floor." Nile slipped the clothes in and dropped them on the floor without actually opening the door to the bathroom. 

"Thank you, Nile," Nicky said. 

"You're welcome. Feel free to keep using the hot water; there's another shower," Nile replied and shut the door. Joe huffed a laugh, and they turned the water off. Nile was right that the clothes they had didn't amount to much, but they were soft and clean against his skin, which was more than Joe thought he was going to get any time soon. They stepped out into the living room and saw Andy also sitting in casual clothes with wet hair and no blood on her face. What she did have were bruises that were slowly forming on her skin. She looked up when they walked into the room, and the three of them stared at each other. 

"Come here," Andy said, and both he and Nicky pressed themselves to either side of her. Joe was careful of the bruises and the bandages, but he closed his eyes and tried not to think. Andy tangled her fingers in his curls and rubbed Nicky's back. "It's my time, but that doesn't mean I'm going to die today. I don't plan on leaving either of you anytime soon, all right? I'm not going anywhere." 

"Okay, boss," Joe said, but his voice cracked. Andy was one of the people that meant the most to him aside from Nicky, and the thought that he was going to lose her crushed him. The three of them held each other on the couch for a little while until Nile came out and stopped. 

"Should I leave you three alone?" she asked carefully, but Nicky shook his head as they moved apart. Nile didn't mention that all of their eyes were a little red, and Joe was grateful for her tact. She sat down in a chair across from them and played with the drawstring on her pants. "I can't imagine what you three are going through, but I'm going to do my best to be here for you." 

"I know you will, Nile, but as I just told these two drama queens, I'm not going anywhere for a long time. I've still got time," she said. The exhaustion of what happened caught up with all of them, and after tossing each other a glass of water and a granola bar with the promise to eat a full meal later, it was decided that they should get some sleep. Andy paused and looked at the locked door but didn't say anything. Nile followed her into the room, saying that she wanted to keep an eye on her wounds, but Joe knew that she was keeping an eye on Andy. They were all on edge, and Nile was the only one who remembered what it was like to be mortal. Joe closed the door to their bedroom and looked around. 

Joe still thought this was one of Copely's places or a CIA safe house, but either way, he hoped they would be safe for a few days. They needed to travel somewhere, but Andy was hurt and needed some time to heal. She was going to be a terrible patient, and he wasn't looking forward to the yelling matches that were going to occur that she needed to rest. Andy seemed to be listening to Nile, though, and maybe Nile could convince her to slow down for just a couple of days. 

He wrapped his arms around Nicky, and they stood in the room, slowly swaying back and forth. It would be romantic if Joe weren't thinking about that gunshot going off or Kozak cutting into Nicky's body while all he could do was watch. He guided Nicky to the bed, and they lay down, so they were watching each other. This wasn't how they were going to sleep, but Joe needed to look at Nicky for a least a few more minutes. There was also something they needed to talk about. 

"The doctor, Kozak, she knows too much about us," Joe whispered, "Not only that, but she also has pieces of us and who knows what those could be used for. Nile didn't kill her, which was probably an oversight on all of our parts." Joe hesitated because he was still a little ashamed of this. "I'm sorry, my love, that I told her anything about us. I just couldn't risk--" 

"Hush," Nicky said, shaking his head. "If she were threatening to take you away from me, I would have done the exact same thing. You did what you had to to keep us together, and I'm grateful for that, always." He reached out and clasped their hands together. "She's not going to stay in the city long, I think, so if we want to stop her, we won't have long. I have a full name but not much besides that. We could ask Copely since he seems keen on helping us, but I'm not entirely sure he would be all right with what we have to do."

"He probably wouldn't, and we're both pretty shit at modern technology. We could ask Nile, but I'm not entirely sure she would be all right with it either, and I don't want her coming with us. I'm not leaving an injured Andy in an apartment with Booker," Joe said, and he spat out the name like it was poison. He knew, on some level, that this hurt so much because he cared about Booker. If he didn't care about his little brother, this betrayal would mean nothing, but he did. Joe cared a good deal about Booker, and that just made all of this hurt so much more. "So we have to ask him to help." 

"We do," Nicky said softly. "We're going to have to make sure all of the samples in the lab were destroyed as well." 

"You and I were always the best at cleaning up after a job," Joe said, and he sighed heavily. "I supposed this is just another clean up when we know we don't have any backup." Nicky nodded, and they both settled into the bed a little more. Joe was starting to drift off, and Nicky seemed to know that it was time to sleep. He turned around, so he was facing the door, and Joe pressed into his back. Joe breathed in the unfamiliar soap with the hint of Nicky that calmed all of his nerves. Nicky leaned into him, and Joe held on a little tighter than usual. He wasn't ashamed of it. 

+++

Joe was fairly sure they slept for about twelve hours straight, and he was absolutely starving by the time he finally woke up. He had no idea what day it was or what time it was, but Nicky was still in his arms, and he felt relatively safe. Nicky shifted and managed to turn around, so they were nearly nose to nose. They were both born in a time before toothpaste, so morning breath didn't bother either of them as much as most people, so Joe had no problems leaning forward and kissing Nicky. It started out chaste, but Nicky, it seemed, was in the mood for something else. He licked along Joe's lips and moved them so Joe was on his back and Nicky was straddling his waist. 

"Stay with me," Nicky whispered against his lips. Joe had to close his eyes at that statement because that was the cusp of everything; he just wanted to stay with Nicky above all else. He tightened his grip on Nicky's waist and pulled him down for another kiss. They were lazily grinding against each other, and Joe thought about pulling off these unfamiliar clothes, but then he could hear Andy and Nile talking as they walked by the closed door. They needed to get into Booker's room without Andy or Nile, knowing what they were talking to him. Nicky, it appeared, was one step ahead of him and leaned back to look at him. "We're taking at least another year off after this," Nicky said. 

"Oh absolutely," Joe replied as he sat up and pulled Nicky into his lap. "Nile needs training anyway, so I see no reason we couldn't take some time off to work on her skills and catch on some much-needed sleep." Nicky hummed in agreement and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. They both climbed out of bed and made their way to the kitchen where Andy and Nile were both sitting. Andy's bruises had turned ugly shades of purple and black overnight, and she was holding herself like every inch of her hurt. Joe didn't even know what to tell her to make her feel better, but Nile pulled out a bottle of medication and handed Andy two pills. 

"Take these. They'll help," she said. Andy nodded and down the two pills with a cup of water. Nicky moved about the kitchen and glanced up at Joe as they all worked. Nicky managed to find some dried fruit and a couple of other things that could make for a decent breakfast, and Joe didn't fail to notice that he was making five plates instead of four. He handed one to Nile and Andy and picked up the extra one. 

"Joe and I will bring this to Booker," Nicky said with the implication being that no one would be going into that room alone. Andy stared at the two of them like she could somehow get an inkling about what they were planning but eventually nodded. Joe managed to find a bucket that he filled up with some water and some towels that Booker could use to clean himself. There was also another set of clothes, and he walked with Nicky to the door. They glanced at each other, and then Nicky knocked, unlocked, and opened the door. Booker was sitting on the bed, still in his bloodstained clothes, and he froze when he saw the two of them. They stared at each other for a beat until Nicky walked in and set the plate of food on the table. Joe set the water, towels, and clothes on the floor as well. 

"Thank you," Booker said softly. Nicky handed Booker a water bottle as well, which he took a long pull from. 

"We're not just here to give you food and a way to clean up," Joe said, and Booker winced. "That doctor, the one that stitched up Andy, she knows too much about Nicky and me. She knows how old we are, and she knows how long we've been together. She also has organs, tissue samples, blood, and who knows what else from us. She has and knows too much, and that makes her dangerous." 

"We believe she is still in the city but won't be for long," Nicky said. "You need to find her for us so we can take care of everything." 

"Couldn't Nile help you do this? Or Copely?" Booker asked, and Nicky got that look in his eye that he only got when he was about to line up the perfect sniper shot.

"Copely or Nile might not appreciate the methods we need to do to keep ourselves safe," Nicky replied. 

"You owe us this much," Joe said. "So we need you to help us find her, and you need to keep that information to yourself. Do we have an understanding?"

"Yes," Booker said without hesitation. Joe reached into his pocket and pulled out the smartphone that Andy had used to call Copely. They gave Booker Kozak's full name, and he began to search while also eating his food. Joe watched him very carefully and pressed his shoulder to Nicky's. He wished this didn't hurt so much, he wished that he wasn't so angry by what Booker tried to do to them, but more than anything, Joe wished he had noticed how badly Booker was suffering so he could have stopped it. That, more than anything, was going to be the thing that haunted him. Booker frowned as he continued to look over the phone. 

"Nile hit her, right?" Booker asked, and Nicky nodded. "There is news footage of her being taken away in a stretcher, and I can get you the name of the hospital. However, there is a good chance that she's already gone home since she probably thinks she needs to flee for what she did. She didn't think all of this all the way through because she has public social media with her address. I'll give it to you, and you can do what you need to do." Neither of them said thank you as Booker dug through drawers and found a piece of paper and a pen. He wrote down the address and handed it to Joe. "She's your best shot of getting back in the building to destroy the samples. You might want to hold off killing her until she helps you get rid of the evidence." 

"I'll take that under advisement," Joe replied. "And you're not to say a thing to anyone. If we want people to find out about this, then we want to tell them, not you." 

"I understand," Booker said, and he took a step back. "Be careful. Merrick and his team of mercenaries might be dead, but that doesn't mean people aren't out there that could hurt the two of you." Joe's immediate reaction was to ask since when Booker cared about either of them being hurt but kept it to himself. 

"If we're not here, Nile will be by in a few hours to let you use the restroom and get you lunch. We are staying here until Andy heals enough to travel," Nicky said, and this time Booker winced as he should. While he didn't know that Andy couldn't heal when he shot her, they still didn't purposely hurt each other like that. Accidentally cutting someone or breaking a bone during training was one thing but deliberately shooting someone was another. 

Joe nodded, and the two of them left Booker alone and locked the door behind them. He wasn't surprised to see Andy and Nile both watching the hallway like they weren't waiting to see if they would emerge at all or if there would be a Booker shaped bloodstain that would have to be scrubbed out of the carpet. When it became apparent that no blood was shed, they both relaxed as the four of them settled down to finish breakfast. Andy still looked rather miserable with her wounds, and Joe wanted to pull her into a hug. She didn't look like she would appreciate that right now, though, so he resisted the temptation. 

"How many days before it's safe for her to travel?" Nicky asked. 

"In a perfect world, I would say at least two weeks, but I'm going to guess there isn't a chance that we're going to see that happen," Nile said, and that was true. There was no way they were going to stay in this place for two weeks when they weren't sure it was safe at all. It also meant that he and Nicky didn't have much time to get this job done. "I'd say three days, and it would be a lot safer for her to move a lot." 

"We're going to need supplies," Joe said. "Clothing that isn't this, weapons in case the worst happens, all of it. Nicky and I can take care of that." It was the best cover they could get at the moment, but that also meant they probably only had one day, maybe two, that they could justify leaving. There wasn't a lot of time, and Joe refused to let this woman live with the knowledge and pieces of him and Nicky that she had. He refused to let that lie. 

It was the middle of the afternoon when he and Nicky finally left the apartment to go get some real clothes and the things they would need to take care of Kozak. They got weird looks when they got the clothing, and it made them stand out, which was the last thing they wanted, but there wasn't any avoiding it. Joe felt better in jeans and a jacket as he and Nicky made their way to one of the many weapons stashes that they kept over the city. It wasn't hard to get a few pistols and knives that could be easily hidden under their clothing. It wasn't even hard to get across the city on public transportation to the building where Kozak allegedly lived. Even if she wasn't home, then they could just wait for her. 

Nicky could be insanely charming when he wanted to be, and there was something about his eyes and the way he would smile that could get him what he wanted without even trying. Nicky had no issues sweet-talking the woman that was cleaning the lobby to let them into the building as they both made an attempt to keep their faces hidden. This was a modern apartment building, and the cameras were hard to avoid but not impossible. Kozak lived at the end of a hallway without any neighbors nearby. It was the middle of the afternoon, and if she was awake, this was going to make for quite the entrance. 

Joe leaned down and easily picked the lock to her door, and it was quite easy to slip inside. Her apartment was sparse, with a few hints that this was the place they were looking for. The badge from the building was on the table along with her wallet, keys, and a prescription bag containing some pain medication. Joe glanced at Nicky, and he nodded; they made their way through the small apartment to the bedroom where Kozak was sleeping. Joe contemplated slitting her throat, so she never knew what hit her, but they needed her to tell them where all of the samples were so they could be destroyed. Nicky closed the door behind him, and they waited for her to wake up. 

To Kozak's credit, she seemed to realize that something wasn't right pretty quickly. There was a bandage around her head from where Nile had hit her, and she winced when she opened her eyes, probably from the sunlight coming in through the windows. She sat up and paled considerably when she saw the two of them standing in her room. Neither of them had their weapons in hand, but Kozak knew how dangerous they were without weapons. 

"Hello, doctor," Joe said, and he smiled. "You appear to be recovering nicely." 

"Why are you here?" she whispered. "I thought you would have left the country as soon as you could." 

"We'd love to leave, but I'm afraid we have some loose ends to tie up," Nicky said. It wasn't apparent to anyone, but Joe but Nicky was furious and barely containing his rage right now. Nicky angry was quite a sight to behold, and Kozak looked at him and seemed to realize that he was very much on edge and testing him wouldn't be in her best interests. 

"What do you want?" she whispered. 

"You took pieces of us," Joe said. "And we want them destroyed." 

"But, my research, it could--" 

"I would not recommend finishing that sentence," Nicky said. "I told you I've heard it so many times before. You didn't ask to use our bodies to help the world, you just took, and those pieces of us aren't for you to keep. You're going to help us destroy all of those samples." Kozak swallowed and trembled as she sat in her bed. 

"The building is compromised, but I know where the samples are. I could tell you where I stored them," she said. 

"You're taking us there, and you're going to show us," Joe said. 

"If I take you to the samples and let you destroy all of them, will you let me live?" she asked. There were a lot of things that Nicky was incredibly good at, but one of them that people often didn't see was just how good Nicky was at lying when he wanted to. He didn't lie often; sometimes, he was honest to a fault, but no one was ever the wiser when he lied. Joe could tell because he knew Nicky better than anyone in the world. That was why he knew, with certainty, that Nicky was lying when he calmly told Kozak that they would spare her life if she took them to the samples, and she believed him. She relaxed and let her guard down, which was a mistake that Joe wanted to take advantage of but now wasn't the time. 

"You're going to take us today," Joe said. "Because, like you said, we should be getting out of the city very soon. We don't want to risk anyone remembering us or seeing us from the security footage." 

"There isn't any footage," Kozak said, which didn't make any sense at all. "I was concussed, but I remember hearing Scotland Yard saying that none of the cameras on the upper floors were working at all. They couldn't find any footage, so there aren't any videos of you two coming back to life that could leak. Merrick didn't want anything getting out about you because then the competition might get wind and want you for themselves." She was talking about them like they were an object or a piece of technology that another company could just take through espionage, and it enraged him. Kozak looked up and seemed to realize that she had made a mistake and nodded. "Give me a few minutes to get dressed, and I'll take you to my lab." 

"You have two. We'll be down the hall but keeping the door open. It wouldn't be in your best interest to try and call anyone," Joe said, and he walked out of the bedroom with Nicky to wait just out of sight. Nicky was barely hanging onto that calm facade right now, and Joe reached out to squeeze his hand. Nicky was so lost in his rage that he nearly jumped when Joe touched him but relaxed a little. 

"You look like you're about to explode," Joe said in their language. 

"I very much am about to," Nicky replied. "She sat in front of us and acted like our only worth was our bodies, and some other company could just take them for the same reasons. It makes me sick." 

"You lied to her," Joe said. 

"I did," Nicky replied, and he got that murderous look in his eye. "And I intend to finish this. I won't abide by people hurting us for our own gain, not anymore."

"I feel the same way," Joe assured him, and the click of Kozak's heels made them lookup. Joe released Nicky's hand, but Kozak was staring at them like she wanted to ask so many questions. Joe glared at her, and she snapped her mouth shut. 

"The elevator your friend came up when she attacked us will be the best way to get to my lab without needing to go through the front door," Kozak explained. She looked at the two of them like she wasn't sure what she should say next. "We could take my car, but then we'd have to park in the lot, and I can only assume that you don't want that." 

"That is a good assumption," Joe replied, and she somehow managed to flinch and almost laugh at the same time. 

"A cab then?" she said. Joe glanced at Nicky, who nodded. They didn't have many options, but they would have to risk a cab. Joe moved in a way that Kozak could see that he was carrying a gun, and she paled a little more. She didn't say anything more; Kozak just grabbed her badge and her things, and they made their way down to the street. A cab picked them up, and Kozak was doing a good job of pretending that everything was fine. As far as he could tell, the driver was none the wiser. The cab dropped them off a block from the building, and from there, it was a lot of turning their heads to avoid CCTV and making sure that Kozak didn't draw any attention to herself. The people of London didn't seem to care what they were doing, which was fine by Joe. 

The building was abandoned as Kozak used her card to get them back into the building. There was police tape across the entrance, but no one was here right now collecting evidence. It was later in the afternoon, and it appears that they had all left already. Joe just hoped the police hadn't taken any of their samples. Kozak leads them through the building, and she keeps looking at the bullet holes or bloodstains on the floor. Eventually, she used a long code to open up a locked cabinet, and inside was a cooler featuring pieces of himself and Nicky. She paused as she looked at the samples and turned to them. 

"Is there anything I can do to convince you to let me keep these?" she asked. "You could cure disease or the concept of aging itself. That has to be worth it." 

"Where is the incinerator?" Joe asked. Kozak sighed and began to collect all of the organs, pieces of tissue, and blood from the cooler onto a small cart. Nicky stood by and watched her do this while Joe kept an eye on the entrance a few feet away. Kozak led them to a small incinerator, and she turned it on. She looked at them one more time, pleading with her eyes to let her keep pieces of themselves, but Joe just glared at her. She was holding Nicky's heart in her hands and expected him to just let her keep it. She sighed and began to toss all of the samples into the fire. It was a lot, she took a lot from them, but soon the cart was empty. 

"Is that all of it?" Nicky asked. 

"Yes, that's everything," Kozak said mournfully like she could reach into the incinerator and pull the pieces out herself. She wasn't looking at Nicky when she replied to him, and he took a step forward to get into her space. Kozak jumped and looked at him with wide eyes. 

"I said, is that all of it?" he repeated. 

"Yes," Kozak whispered. "Yes, I swear, I promise, that's all of it. I'm the only one who can open that door, and nothing was taken by anyone else. I swear on my life." Joe didn't think her life was worth much, but he knew a liar when he saw one, and Kozak wasn't lying. He nodded to Nicky, and the three of them walked out of the building. They were a block away from the building, and Kozak seemed a little confused as to why they were following her. 

"Just need to make sure you go home and not to the police," Joe said, and he hailed them a cab. Kozak relaxed a little as she accepted that response, and the three of them climbed into a cab. Kozak appeared lost in her own head, and Joe wondered if she was trying to think of another way to get her hands on them if she thought that she would get a second chance to cut into them, and it made Joe's skin crawl. The cab dropped them off a block from her home, and they were walking down the street. There was a break in the crowds, and Nicky moved faster than most people would expect. He snatched Kozak by the arm, yanked her into a nearby ally out of sight from CCTV, pressed her against a wall, and put a hand over her mouth. Joe casually walked into the ally as well, but there didn't appear to be anyone nearby. 

"You made me watch you cut into him," Nicky hissed with a level of contempt and hatred Joe only heard for a handful of people throughout history. 

"You tried to take him away from me, and you blackmailed him into telling you our personal history. You tried to use the man I love against me and vise versa. Did you really think we would let that stand?" Joe said as he leaned in close to her as well. He pulled out the knife he kept strapped to his leg and made sure that she could see it. Kozak's eyes were wide with fear, and behind Nicky's hand, Joe could hear the muffled words about promises. Nicky narrowed his eyes as he stared her down. 

"I made a promise? Well, doctor, I lied," Nicky said. Joe thought about asking Nicky if he wanted Joe to kill her, but he could see just how angry Nicky was right now. This was what happened when the cracks in a kind man became too prominent. Joe slipped a knife into Nicky's hand and watched as he easily slid it into Kozak's ribs right into her lung. She made a small noise of pain as Nicky watched her carefully. Then he stabbed her again in the kidney and let her body fall to the ground. Joe wanted to watch her bleed out, but Nicky was already going through her purse. He took her wallet, the keycard for Merrick Pharmaceuticals, her phone, and anything else that looked valuable. By the time Joe turned his attention back to Kozak, she was already dead. At least it didn't take long.

They dodged CCTV until they got to the Thames and stood side by side as they looked out over the river. Nicky took the cash out of Kozak's wallet and then tossed it into the river. Joe removed the sim card, something that Booker always told him to do, and snapped it in half. He threw both pieces into the river as well as Nicky tossed the knife.

"I'm sorry that you have to carry another death on your conscience," Joe said. 

"I'm not," Nicky replied. Joe reached forward and took Nicky's hand. Neither of them got a speck of blood on their clothing, and they began to make their way through the city. They didn't usually walk hand in hand like this, but Joe could tell that Nicky needed him to keep him grounded. So they walked until they got to a shop and bought some clean clothes for Andy, Nile, and Booker. They also got some more groceries, including enough materials for Nicky to make them a decent dinner tonight. Nicky also spent the entire walk back, dropping bits of Kozak's money into beggars, jars, and street performers. It was all gone by the time they got back to the apartment. 

Andy looked up when they walked through the door, and she looked relieved to see them. He smiled and made sure not to show how raw he felt right now. It wouldn't help anyone if Andy learned what they just did, and he hoped that it would look like a mugging and no one would think anything different. 

"I'll bring these to Booker," Joe said. Nicky nodded and started to move around the kitchen to try and get dinner ready. Joe unlocked the door and stepped through. Booker was on his feet in a second, and the two of them stared at each other for a moment. Joe set the bag on the ground and hesitated before he closed the door. "It would hurt less if I didn't love you so much." Something broke in Booker's expression, but it wasn't about him. Joe walked back out to the kitchen and watched as Nicky taught Nile how to cook Italian. 

+++

Three days later and the worst of Andy's injuries were taken care of, and it was time to figure out exactly what they were going to do with Booker. The pub was old, and Joe could remember going there plenty of times over the course of history. Booker was waiting inside as the four of them nursed drinks. This conversation wasn't exactly going well, and Joe was having a hard time not snapping at all of them. 

"How are we supposed to trust him after what he did?" Joe asked. 

"You trusted me after the ships," Andy replied, which was so fucking annoying because she was right. He never even thought twice about trusting Andy again despite the fact that her desire to save Quynh nearly got him and Nicky their lives. 

"It's not the same," Nicky replied as he looked out the window again. Joe couldn't remember the last time he had seen Nicky be this angry for this long, but apparently, that's where they were right now.

"He made a mistake, and he's family," Nile said. "You forgive family." 

"You forgive family after you're given some time to forgive them," Joe replied. "Fortunately for all of us, we have nothing but time. I say 100 years. We'll find him again in 100 years and see if the time alone has made him appreciate just what he threw away." 

"Andy won't last another hundred years," Nile said softly. 

"How is that our problem?" Nicky asked, and he shook his head. "I don't think 100 is enough. None of you know what Joe and I went through on that table. None of you know what those doctors tried to get out of us." Nile looked like she wanted to reach forward and take Nicky's hand, which wasn't what he needed right now. 

"You know where I stand," Nile said, and she got up to join Booker outside. Joe watched the two of them through the window and tried to calm his pounding heart. 

"I'm sorry," Andy said softly. "I should have noticed that something was wrong with him and taken care of it. I'm supposed to look out for all of you." 

"Don't try to absolve him, Andromache," Joe said. "Last time I checked, Booker is over 200 years old. I'm fairly sure he's an adult who can make his own decisions." 

"None of us are supposed to be alone," Andy said, and something in Nicky seemed to break. He clenched his jaw and looked down at the table. Those were the words that he just spoke to Nile a few days ago, and now they were lobbying to make one of them spend years alone. 

"I won't go lower than 100 years," Nicky whispered. 

"Then 100 years it is," Andy replied. They all stood up and watched as Andy walked down to the shore to talk to Booker about his time alone. They hugged each other tightly, and when Andy walked away, Booker met Joe's eyes. He nodded ever so slightly, and Joe nodded back. Perhaps in 100 years, Joe could look at him and not feel the phantom pain of Kozak cutting a piece of his liver out. It was too raw right now, and Joe turned his back on his little brother so they could finally get out of London.

Nile called Copely, and without any issues, he got them a private plane to take them back to France. Nile said that they needed to go to his house because there was something that they all needed to see. Joe wasn't sure this was a good idea, but Nile told them that Copely is the reason Nile got into the building to save them at all, so he seemed to know, on some level, what he was doing was wrong. Nicky seemed to relax a little the further they left Booker behind, and they were both sitting in the backseat of the car while Nile and Andy were in the front. Joe reached forward and took Nicky's hand into his and threaded their fingers together. Nicky looked down at their hands and smiled for the first time in days. 

In Copely's house there was still a bloodstain on the carpet from where Booker shot Andy, but he also had walls and walls of all of them moving through history. Copely was telling them about how it was impossible to calculate all of the good they had done for history because it was too far-reaching. The people that they saved would go on to find new ways to save others, and seeing their impact on humankind laid out in front of him was too much that Joe had to look away. 

"Andy, maybe this is the why," Nile said, and it was true. For centuries they all grappled with the idea of whether or not they were making a difference in the world and now here was proof that they were. Andy told Copely that he was going to help them find new jobs and cover their tracks. The reason they were standing in this room was because they hadn't done a very good job of doing that over the centuries. Now they needed to try harder. Copely agreed, and just like that, they had a handler for the first time ever. They were getting ready to walk out of the house when Copely took Joe by the arm, and Nicky stopped as well. 

"Meta Kozak was found in London," Copely said. "Scotland Yard is saying it looked like a mugging, but it looked like someone might have used her card to get into the lab at Merrick's. I looked at CCTV and noticed you two walking around the city that day." 

"Mr. Copely," Joe said, and he made sure that his smile was sharp and dangerous. "Do you really want to test my forgiveness? You remember what the people you handed us over to did to us, correct?" 

"I was going to find a way to get those samples out of the building. I wasn't going to leave them. I swear it," Copely said. 

"That's good," Nicky replied. "It sounds like someone else took care of it, though, so it hardly matters." Copely wisely let it go, but he eyed the two of them. 

Even with a handler, Andy still needed time to recover, and Nile needed training. They gathered their belongings and took off for Denmark and one of Andy's favorite safehouses. Nile seemed eager to get to Copenhagen and asked some very pointed questions about whether or not drugs had any effect on them. Joe tried not to think about the one time he had to do opium to maintain and cover and explained to Nile that yes, drugs did affect them on a basic level; they just didn't get any long-term effects. The safehouse was a small cottage in the hills of Denmark about an hour from Copenhagen. It was one of Andy's houses, and there were plenty of warm beds to sleep in and a large yard where Nile could get some more training. Joe looked forward to falling into a comfortable bed with Nicky and not moving for several days. 

Joe got exactly two peaceful days in bed with Nicky before Andy managed to corner them while Nile was exploring the area. She had her hands on her hips, and she was glaring at the two of them. That was never a good sign. 

"Why did I just find out that the doctor who experimented on you is dead?" she asked. 

"That sounds like something Copely should have looked out for," Joe replied with a shrug, and Andy narrowed her eyes. 

"The samples she took from you were destroyed as well, but no one was seen going into the building. There is a log, though, from her, and she died a few hours later. Copely was calling me to tell me that he made sure the log was whipped from the system or the mugging she was in later that day might not look like a mugging," Andy said, and Joe closed his eyes for a moment. "A mugger who happened to perfectly slide a knife between her ribs so she couldn't speak and into her kidney, so she bled out quickly." 

"Say what you want to say, Andromache," Nicky said. 

"You two went and did a job without telling me and without backup," Andy said. "I was right there, in that apartment, while you two were out there, and you could have gotten caught. She could have led you into another trap, and you still went. Why would do you do that?" 

"For the same reason that you personally dealt with the men that threw Quynh into the ocean," Nicky replied, and Andy blinked. 

"She tried to blackmail us," Joe said softly. "She told me she would take Nicky away if I didn't tell her about our past, when he met, how old we were, how long we have been together, anything personal she could get her hands on she wanted. She made us watch, and you know what that's like because the last time you were on the table with us." 

"I would have supported this," Andy said. "I would have gone with you." 

"You were healing," Nicky said. "And we couldn't leave you alone in an apartment with Booker, not after what had just happened, so Nile had to stay too. We didn't want you to worry while we were gone." Andy looked at the sky and sighed heavily. "It's also Nile," Nicky whispered. "She's so young, and she believes in justice and that we're here to do good. And we do do good, Andy; that board was all the proof we needed that our influence is so far-reaching. But that doesn't mean we're always good people and I'm not sure now is the time for Nile to know that we're capable of cold-blooded murder." 

"She'll see it eventually," Joe said. "But she needs us right now, but she doesn't need the version of Nicky and I that stalked a woman to her home, promised her she would live if she destroyed the pieces of us that she stole, only to kill her mere steps away from the safety of her apartment. Nile wouldn't want to hear that, not yet." Andy sat down at the table with them and was silent for a long time. 

"I don't begrudge you," she said, "and I understand your reasons. I burned down a lab with a young German doctor in it with two young nurses because they had the gall to hurt my little brothers. I remember that rage, and I know it all too well. That being said, I also understand that we should try and protect her for a little longer. She's going to see the worst that humanity has to offer; she doesn't need to see the worst we have to offer so soon. Is that it, though? Did everything get destroyed?" 

"As far as we know, it did," Joe replied. "And Copely knew what we did, and as you can tell, he was covering our tracks. I'm not sure how keen he was about covering tracks like that, but Nicolo and I weren't exactly in a great mood that day, so we might have scared him into it." 

"You both have very impressive glares," Andy said, and they all smiled. Nile joined them not long after, and they began to settle into their new safehouse. Andy needed to learn how to fight as a mortal because her instincts now were not to have any defenses. It was strange to think about, but Joe realized it was true; when you can throw yourself in front of bullets, you start to forget that you need to dodge them. It was good because it meant that while Andy was teaching Nile, Nile was also teaching Andy, and seeing them learn from each other was quite heartwarming. It brought a sense of peace that Joe hadn't felt in a long time. He leaned into Nicky's presence and took his hand as they watched Andy show Nile how to swing a sword.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, this fic is finally finished. Woo boy, did this end up a lot longer than I thought it would. I apologize that this took several days longer than I thought it would to finish, but it is a full chapter instead of a shorter epilogue. I hope the ending works for everyone and that you liked 80k of angst. This was a fun story to work on. I'm not sure if I'm going to write anymore for The Old Guard, but I'm always open to taking prompts over on [my tumblr](https://safaiagem.tumblr.com/). I'd love to hear your comments on this fic and if you think I should write more in this verse. Thank you all for the support, and have a lovely day <3

The next six months went by so much slower than Joe anticipated. For the last 900 years, the passage of a year seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, but these six months seemed to drag. Perhaps it was seeing Andy slowly come to terms with the fact that she couldn't fight the same way she had for the last thousands of years. It was the way she would wake up after a hard day of training and say that every muscle in her body hurt. It was the way Nile had to go to the city and bring back lots of painkillers and ice packs to help Andy learn how to deal with these injuries that she was so unfamiliar with. Joe would look at his older sister, and all he could see was her looming mortality and how every second that ticked by was another step closer to the day that he would eventually lose her.

Nile, to her credit, was adapting very well. She would go into the city and explore and come back telling them about all the exciting things she would see. She would go to museums and ask if anything of them remembered when a certain piece was made or anything like that. Even on the bad days in the city, like the time she got caught in a freak downpour that soaked her to the bone or the time a woman dumped an entire cup of coffee down the front of her shirt, Nile was just happy to explore parts of the world she hadn't ever been before. It reminded Joe a little of the first time he would go to a new place, but all of that was so long ago that the memories felt out of focus. 

It was six months later that Nile came up to Joe and Nicky while Andy was taking a nap, and Joe knew that something was wrong. He took her by the hand and gently led her outside. Joe looked over his shoulder and could see that Andy was very much asleep because he could tell when his sister was faking. 

"I wanted to let you know that I haven't dreamt about Quynh in over two months," Nile said, and it was like someone punched him in the gut. After Andy finished recovering, they were going to see if Copely could help them track down the equipment they needed to finally find Quynh. There was only one reason Nile wouldn't dream of her anymore, and Joe didn't know what to do with that. Nicky collapsed into one of the chairs, and Nile looked like she wanted to hug them both. 

"After a certain point," Nicky said softly, "before Booker and we got confirmation that she was still alive, I used to pray, selfishly, that her immortality had left her. I wanted it to leave her because the idea of her continuing to suffer down there hurt too much. I used to pray for this to happen, and now that it finally did, now that we know she's gone---" Nicky cut himself off like he couldn't find the right words. 

"We should have looked harder," Joe said softly. "We never should have stopped looking for her. If we had looked, we could have had hundreds of years with her, and now she's gone." 

"None of this is any of your faults," Nile said, which surprised Joe. "You guys were trying to look without the proper technology for decades. It was only recently that you would have the tech to find something that small on the bottom of the ocean because it is very small at the end of the day compared to the ocean. Then there's getting your hands on tech like that; you can't exactly show up and buy deep-sea tracking equipment without raising some eyebrows. It would have put all of you in the public eye in a way that could have ended badly for all of you." Nile paused as she reached forward and took one of Joe's hands into her own. "You told me that you searched for the equivalent of decades, and Andy looked even longer. You weren't looking for a needle in a haystack; you were looking for a specific needle in a pile of needles. You all did your best; I know you did because you wouldn't leave someone to a fate like that." 

"That's kind of you say, Nile," Joe said as he removed his hand from hers. "But the fact of the matter is we did leave her to that fate, and now she's gone." 

"We can't tell Andromache," Nicky whispered. "She's still too on edge after becoming human, and I don't want to risk her doing something if she found out." 

"You don't think she'd--" Nile started, but Nicky just looked at her. 

"How tired do you think we are sometimes?" he asked, and Joe knew what he meant. The centuries with Nicky were amazing, but even the two of them felt the heavyweight of time hanging over their shoulders. Booker was wrong; they felt the weight of all of this in a much different way than he and Andy did. "We can't tell her, not yet, but we will very soon. Right now, I want to make sure she's adjusted to being mortal and heals all of those wounds. I still see her reaching for the bullet hole at times and wincing." 

"Yeah, these types of things can be hard to recover from, and Andy isn't exactly taking it easy," Nile said, and she frowned. "I don't like keeping anything from her."

"Oh, little sister," Joe said. "We have kept so many secrets from each other over the centuries. What's one more?" Nile still looked like she didn't like the sound of that, but Joe wasn't about to tell Andy about this. He had seen her drink herself to death more than once, and it wasn't something he wanted to test now that she was a mortal. Later in the night, as he went to his room with Nicky, they wrapped their arms around each other. 

"Do you think she'd do it? Do you think she'd hurt herself like that?" Nicky whispered because saying that it could happen and believing that it would were two completely different things. 

"I don't know, and I don't want to take the risk," Joe replied. "What Booker did, with trying to find a way to end it with Merrick, that is just another version of killing yourself, and he seemed pretty convinced that Andy would take him up on that offer." It still hurt so much to think that Booker wanted out of this life so badly that he would look for a way to permanently end his life. Joe reached forward to run a thumb along Nicky’s cheekbone. "I can't believe she's really gone." 

"Quynh and Andromache were just as connected as you, and I are. I believe that when you lose your immorality, I will lose mine at the same time. Why would they be any different from us?" Nicky asked. That did make sense in some sort of horrible way, but it also raised a completely different question. 

"If we tell Andy that she might blame herself for not finding a way to end it for the sake of helping Quynh end it," Joe muttered. This was all such a mess, and despite what Nile said, he did feel guilty that they weren't able to ever find her. You could apply all the logic in the world to the situation, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with. There wasn't any talking him or Nicky or eventually Andy out of this guilt, and they would have to bear it willingly. Joe was just willing to bear it a little longer if they knew Andy would be safe. He looked into Nicky's beautiful eyes and hated how much pain he saw there. 

"Were we wrong, Yusuf?" Nicky whispered like it was a terrible secret that no one could ever know about. "Were we wrong to walk away from the search when we both went overboard like that?" Joe leaned forward, so he and Nicky were pressed together, breathing the same air, and tightly held onto him. 

"I don't think there's an easy way to answer that question, Nicolo," Joe replied. They held onto each other for a long time as Nicky whispered that he missed her, that he was going to miss Andy, and they both tried not to think about all they had lost in the last couple of months. They lost Booker, they're going to lose Andy, and now they've lost Quynh. They rocked back and forth as the moon rose high in the sky, and eventually, Nicky moved, so he was lying on top of Joe, straddling his waist, and looking down at him. Nicky's eyes were a little red, but that wouldn't last long. The red of their tears healed so quickly that it was often like it never happened. Nicky leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Joe's lips. 

There was too much going on right now, too much that he couldn't deal with, and Joe just wanted to get lost in Nicky, and judging from the way Nicky was holding onto him, he felt the same way. It wasn't the right time, they should be mourning, but Joe didn't know how to mourn for losses this big. He didn't know what he was supposed to do, so he was just going to do whatever made him feel better. Right now, that was kissing the breath out of Nicky's lungs. Joe threaded his fingers through Nicky's hair, which was getting a little longer in these last couple of months, and pulled. Nicky gasped against Joe's mouth, and Nicky bit down on his lower lip. Joe broke the kiss, but Nicky didn't move away from him, and they just panted into each other's mouths. A kiss shouldn't leave them this winded, yet here they were. 

Nicky was someone that Joe could read better than anyone, and that meant he knew that Nicky needed some control right now. They both quickly worked on getting out of their clothes, and Joe had to bite down on his own tongue to keep from moaning loud enough that he would wake up Nile and Andy. Andy wouldn't care, but Nile was still settling in. Nicky kissed down Joe's chest and eventually took Joe into his mouth. Joe put one hand in Nicky's hair and held on for dear life, and he bit down on the meat of his other hand to keep from crying out. Nicky did something truly sinful with his tongue, and Joe was coming so hard he thought he was going to blackout. When the world came into focus Nicky was looking down at him and smirking. 

"Oh, don't look so smug," Joe said, and Nicky laughed. It was a laugh that seemed tinged with sadness but a laugh nevertheless. Joe reached over in the small sets of drawers in their room and found a small bottle of lube that they bought from a grocery store the last time they needed food. Nicky kissed him again as he coated his fingers and pushed one in. Joe was still hyper-sensitive from the orgasm he already had, and now Nicky was trying to finger him out of his mind. It didn't take long to get him ready, and before long, Nicky was pushing in. It was like all of the times before where they had to muffle their pleasure into each other's mouths, and Joe loved what Nicky looked like when he came. He somehow got even more beautiful. Nicky reached down and wrapped a hand around Joe, and within three strokes, he was coming again. 

They collapsed into the bed, breathing hard, and Joe felt like most of his brain was knocked offline, which was exactly what he wanted. He didn't want to think for just a little while; he wanted to get lost in the man that kept him going through these long centuries. They were both disgusting, but Joe wrapped Nicky in his arms and pulled him close. 

"Every day I am so grateful that I can share these long years, decades, centuries, with you," Joe whispered. 

+++

It was a little over two weeks later that they got the call from Copely. Joe thought they had an understanding that he would leave them alone for a little while, so they ignored the first call. Then he called again, and they all figured that ignoring it would probably not be a good idea. Nile answered the phone and put it on speaker. 

"Thank god you picked up," Copely said, and he sounded genuinely relieved, which made Joe sit up a little straighter. 

"What's going on?" Andy asked. 

"I don't know who it is, but someone is coming for you. I managed to track them after I found out that they took Booker as well, and now they're coming for you. Your safe house has been compromised, and you need to leave right now." Joe was already running to the room that he shared with Nicky before Nile even hung up the phone. They didn't have a lot of belongings in this house, but he kept his scimitar close and handed Nicky his longsword. They both had a pistol on them as well, and Nicky's sniper rifle was in the case. They had everything they needed within five minutes, but they didn't know how close these people were. 

"We have two cars, so we should split up," Nicky said.

"That is what they always say in bad horror movies, and it is literally never a good idea," Nile replied. 

"No, he's right," Andy said. "That way, if someone gets caught, there is still someone out there that can find the others. These people already took Booker, so they know what we are. We should split up." She looked at Nicky and Joe. "You two going to be alright?" 

"Aren't we always, boss?" Joe replied, which wasn't strictly an answer. Andy narrowed her eyes, but they took the two sets of keys and started up both of the cars. They didn't know which direction these people would be coming from, so they had to go in the opposite direction. Joe made the call to the phone Andy and Nile had, and he and Nicky each put in a different Bluetooth earbud so they could both hear the conversation. 

"You know the drill," Andy said as they were driving in opposite directions. 

"No stopping under any circumstances and go dark for at least a week before reestablishing contact," Joe replied as Nicky drove. Both of their swords were in the front seat, and Joe could feel one of his legs shaking. They just wanted some time to relax, but the world didn't seem keen to give it to them. He thought they were clear and that taking care of Kozak meant that no one else would come for them but apparently, they were wrong. Joe planned on tearing Copely a new one once they figured out how this new person tracked them down. Nicky drove a little faster, but the blind corner meant they didn't see the other car coming until it was too late. 

It hit the back half of the car, which was the only reason that Nicky didn't get killed instantly. As it was, Joe could feel bruises and broken bones healing as their car rolled two times and eventually stopped on its side. The cuts from the broken glass were healing, and both of them were already trying to get out of the seatbelts to see what was happening. There was blood on Nicky's face, but he was healing, and that was what mattered. The cell phone was broken, and their connection to Nile and Andy was ruined for now. Their guns were gone, and Joe didn't know where they were, but their blades were nearby. It hurt to crawl over the broken glass, but they managed to get out of the car, and Joe tossed Nicky his long sword, which he caught easily. Joe could feel his body pushing the last of the broken glass from his skin as they both approached the car that had hit them. 

Joe didn't know what he was expecting when the person in the car walked around to confront them. He thought he would see a familiar face from the soldiers that attacked them at Merrick or more hired guns or a group of people who were going to try and capture them. So Joe felt like someone kicked him in the stomach when one person emerged from behind the wreck, machetes in each hand, and smiling like the warrior she was. 

"Quynh," Nicky whispered, and that was confirmation at least that Joe wasn't seeing things or concussed. He didn't think they got concussions anymore, but he thought he was hallucinating the moment he saw Quynh. She smiled as she slowly approached them. 

"Hello, little brothers," she said, and she clenched her blades so tightly in her hands that her knuckles turned white. "Let's see how well you've kept up in the modern age." Joe didn't get the chance to ask her why she was attacking them or how she got here; Quynh was still insanely fast even after all of this time, and it was sheer reflexes that he blocked her first attack. Joe didn't know how Quynh could be as fast as she was after centuries in the water, but it was like she never stopped fighting. She was fighting both of them at once, and it didn't even seem to be bothering her that much. 

"Why are you doing this?" Joe asked after a particularly vicious attack nearly gutted him. Quynh didn't answer, she just kept up the assault, but there was something off about the way she was attacking them. The moves didn't appear to be aiming to kill them but just to hurt them, which didn't make any sense. She must have known they could shake off any wound she gave, so why toy with them like this? Why fight them like this? Nicky cried out in pain as Quynh hit his shoulder with one of her blades. He stumbled back, and then Joe could see him blinking like something was wrong. It was the distraction Quynh needed to cut Joe on his arm. 

It was an odd feeling as his scimitar fell from his hand to the ground. His entire body felt like it was slowly going numb. Joe could see Nicky collapse, and it looked like he was struggling to even breathe. Quynh stood between the two of them and looked down with a smile on her face. 

"In the tidepools of Australia, there is a small octopus called the Blue Ring Octopus," she said casually, and Joe was having a hard time catching his breath as he collapsed. "They are small enough to fit in your shoe, but they have a deadly toxin. It paralyzes you but at the same time leaves you completely aware of your surroundings. It makes it so you can't breathe, and the only thing that will save you is if someone breathes for you until someone arrives and can keep you breathing until the toxin passes. For you, my little brothers, it means that you'll suffocate, and when you come back, you'll still be unable to breathe, and you'll suffocate again. It's not quite the same as drowning, but I believe my point will be made." Joe wanted to say something, to try and get her to help them, but he couldn't breathe. He couldn't move, he couldn't even blink; all he could do was stare across as Nicky fell just as still. The world started to go dark as his body tried to breathe, but no oxygen came. It was slow and painful, and it felt like an eternity until the world around him went dark.

+++

Someone had closed Joe's eyes, and he had no idea what was going on. His whole body was still numb, and he didn't know if Quynh had left them on the ground or if they were moving. There were sounds but nothing that he could really place. When he felt like the toxin was starting to pass through his body and he could breathe again, Quynh cut him, and the process started all over. It was terrible, and it seemed to go on and on with no end in sight. He wondered if this was her punishment if she planned to keep them like this so they could get some idea of the hell she went through for all of those centuries. It seemed almost like poetic justice if it wasn't the most horrifying experience of his life. 

Joe didn't know how many times he died before he could finally take a slight breath. The oxygen in his lungs felt like a gift, and it took considerable effort for him to open his eyes. He still couldn't move most of his body, but at least he could breathe. Joe laid still and let himself just slowly recover as the toxin eventually began to pass through his body, and he could feel everything all over again. His limbs were shaking as he sat up and saw Nicky on the ground next to him. Joe reached over and squeezed his hand, and it was so good to feel Nicky's skin beneath his and his pulse beneath Joe's hands. 

They looked around the room they were in, and it appeared to be some sort of abandoned jail. They still couldn't stand, but they could at least sit up and look around. There was another cell, and curled up in the corner was a familiar face. Joe cleared his throat and tried to speak. 

"Booker," he managed to rasp out, and the man in question nearly jumped. He scrambled closer to them and looked them over. 

"I wanted to warn you that she was coming, but I couldn't get out of here," he said like Joe thought he might have something to do with this. Maybe Booker did assume that he and Nicky would assume he was part of this.

"I believe you," Nicky said softly, and Booker immediately relaxed. They weren't alone long before Quynh came downstairs and glared at them. She completely ignored Booker and turned the full focus of her glare on Joe and Nicky. "Nile stopped dreaming about you," Nicky said softly. "We assumed you were dead." 

"Oh no, I just accidentally ran into Nile in the city and spilled an entire cup of coffee on her. I was wearing a disguise, though, so she couldn't tell who I was, but it counts as meeting," Quynh replied. "I didn't want you to see me coming, little brothers. We have so much to talk about." There was an edge of insanity and anger to her that made Joe shiver. He hated seeing that expression on his sister's face. 

"How did you escape?" Nicky asked quietly. 

"All things rust and break eventually," Quynh snapped. "But I could have spent a lot less time down there if you two and Andromache hadn't stopped looking for me. Was it too hard to be at sea? Was it too much to ask of my little brothers to spend some time looking for me when you knew that I was suffering? Was it--"

"Nicky went overboard," Joe interrupted, and Quynh stared at him. 

"We were looking, and I went over the boat into the ocean during a storm," Nicky explained quietly. "The line snapped, and I had to make my way back to the shore myself. It took two weeks, and I died of exposure, drowning, one memorable time I bled out from a shark attack and made it back to Joe and Andy. We went out looking for you again not long after, and during another storm, Joe went over and was lost at sea for five days. After that, we told Andy that the risk was too great, and we weren't making any progress. We told her that we couldn't help her anymore." 

"So you convinced her to stop looking for me," Quynh said, but Joe shook his head. 

"She kept looking, and she looked until she was on a ship that went down, and she lost the entire crew that she had hired to help her. That was when we realized that we didn't have the ability to find you. The ocean was too vast, and we didn't have a way to look. We didn't even have an idea of where they dropped you," he said. "She looked while we waited for Booker to join us, and we were trying to come up with another way to look for you now, but when Nile stopped dreaming of you, we assumed you were gone because--" Joe hesitated because he wasn't sure how this was going to go over with Quynh because right now she looked like a woman who wanted revenge. "--We assumed you were gone because you and Andromache are like Nicolo and me; you're connected, and Andromache has lost her immortality. It's her time, so we could only assume it was yours too." Everything about Quynh's posture changed as she stared at the two of them. She unlocked the door to the cell and nearly threw it open, but Joe didn't get to his feet, and neither did Nicky. He wasn't sure if either of them could stand. 

"Andromache is mortal," Quynh whispered as she stared the two of them down. 

"She is," Booker said from across the room. "I was the one that shot her because she didn't tell us. She's probably still recovering from that." 

"You want revenge," Nicky said as he reached forward and took Joe's hand in his. He squeezed it, and Joe knew what he was about to offer; it was fine, and it was what they deserved. "We did leave you down there, and we did hate every second of it. We should have looked harder, but it frightened us when Yusuf and I nearly lost each other. We saw how much it broke Andromache to lose you, and I don't think either of us knew how to cope with that." 

"Those two weeks he was missing were the worst two weeks of my life," Joe said, and it was true. "I wouldn't wish what you and Andromache went through on anyone, and we were selfish in that we didn't want to go through that pain too. For that, we are guilty, and you deserve retribution for it." 

"So we're asking you to take it out on us and us alone," Nicky said, and Joe could hear Booker suck in a breath. "Andy doesn't deserve it, and she wouldn't survive it. Let Booker go; he made a mistake, but he had nothing to do with the three of us, and you can hold us here for as long as you want. You can take out your anger for what we did, for what Andy did, and for what humanity did to you on us until you don't need to anymore." Quynh stared at the two of them with wide eyes like she couldn't understand what Nicky was saying. 

"Why would you make such an offer? I have centuries of rage, and it could take a long time for me to unleash it all," she whispered. 

"It's for the greater good, and we can take it," Joe replied, and Quynh flinched at those words. She knew more than most what people could do in the name of the greater good, it was the reason she had spent so long at the bottom of the ocean, but Joe knew what he and Nicky were offering. This was Quynh, and if they could take the worst of the punishment so she could spend some time with Andy before she dies, then that is what they'll do. They did leave her down there, they did give up, and Quynh deserved this revenge. Joe could see her hands shaking, and it broke his heart to see her tremble. He wanted to stand up and pull her into his arms, but he didn't know how she would react to that. So he stayed on the ground, leaning against the bars, holding Nicky's hand. 

"It was so cold," Quynh whispered as she clenched her fists at her sides. She was shaking, and Nicky squeezed Joe's hand as if to tell him that they couldn't reach out to her, not yet, no matter how much they both wanted to. "It was so cold, and it hurt so much, and I just wanted you to find me. Why couldn't you just find me?" Joe didn't have an answer for her, and it was quite clear that Quynh needed to say these things. "I went through hell, and I deserve something for that, I deserve retribution, I deserve revenge, and the two of you are giving yourselves up willingly? Why would you do that? You want to save Andromache, but what about the mortals that did this to me?"

"They're dead and gone," Joe said softly. "And the people from their lines that remain didn't have anything to do with it. Nicky and I are the only ones who can take the revenge you want and walk away from it, so that's what we're going to do. I just hope it doesn't take too long."

"Afraid to suffer what I've suffered?" she snapped. 

"No," Nicky said flatly. "Andromache is mortal now, and her time in this world is finite. It's so brief compared to the time that we live, and I don't want you to miss out on time with her that you could have had. I don't want you regretting that, and I really think you would. The sooner you do what you need to do, the sooner we can get you to Andromache so you can see her and spend time with her until it's her time to go." Quynh stared at the two of them, and she didn't appear to know what to say. 

"You think I should forgive you," she said. 

"No," Joe replied without hesitation, "but I do think you should try to forgive her. She doesn't have time to try and earn your forgiveness, but we do. Quynh, we cannot say I'm sorry enough for not finding you, but I'm sorry that we couldn't find you." 

"I'm sorry we couldn't find you, big sister," Nicky said. "I'm sorry that we put our own fears of losing each other above trying to find you. That's a mistake we can't ever take back." Quynh collapsed to the ground in front of them, and she was openly sobbing now. Joe glanced at Nicky, and they decided it was time to take a risk. They both moved carefully so Quynh could fight them off if she didn't want them to touch her, but she didn't. They wrapped their arms around her and held Quynh for the first time in centuries. She buried her face in Nicky's neck and leaned into him a bit more than she leaned into Joe. The two of them were always a little closer than he was with her, but it didn't matter. All that mattered is that they were holding her as she sobbed for the centuries that were stolen from her and the mistakes they made that they couldn't ever take back. 

"How long do you think she has?" Quynh whispered. 

"Well, she's Andy, so provided she doesn't get herself killed on a mission and actually allows herself to go grow old, I'd say fifty to sixty years," Nicky explained. 

"I don't forgive you, I don't accept your apology, neither of you," Quynh said, and Joe pressed his forehead to her temple as they rocked her back and forth. 

"I know, but try to forgive her at the very least. You don't want that anger clouding the years that you have left with her," he said. Quynh pulled away from the two of them and gently touched both of their cheeks. Joe didn't know what she was looking for in their eyes, but she didn't attack them, and she didn't lash out again. They stayed close to one another and just existed for a long time. 

"I saw pieces of what happened between Sebastien and Nile, but I don't know everything," Quynh said as she moved out of their arms. She offered Nicky a hand and pulled him to his feet. He stumbled but managed to stay upright, then Quynh did the same for Joe. She looked over her shoulder at Booker, who was just watching this entire thing unfold with wide eyes while also looking like he didn't want to be here and was interrupting something incredibly private, which he was. "He was alone when I found him." 

"I fucked up," Booker said before Joe could even begin to explain what had happened. "I got them captured and tortured by yet another person justifying hurting them for the right reasons. I knew it had happened before, and I forced myself not to think about it happening again, but it did. I was told 100 years alone is my punishment for what happened, and I'm not even a year into that punishment. So just unlock me and drop me off at a train station so I can get home." Quynh blinked and then turned on Nicky and Joe with her hands on her hips. 

"You two stand here and tell me to look to forgive Andromache for failing to find me, but you're not willing to do any work to forgive the Frenchmen for his transgressions?" she asked. Nicky flinched, and Joe swallowed when she put it like that; it sounded really bad. 

"Andy didn't deliberately cause harm to you or try to take all of this away from you," Joe said carefully. "That doctor that he put us into the hands of, she didn't just take pieces from us, she stole our very lives to look through. She forced me into telling her about Nicky and I's past, or she would separate us."

"What?" Booker said. "You didn't tell me she did that. What does she know? What can be used against you? I know you went looking for her, but I don’t know if you ever found her."

"We already did," Nicky said in the voice he used when he was about to pull the trigger on his sniper rifle, and both Quynh and Booker seemed to know what that meant. "It's been taken care of." 

"Nicolo, Yusuf, my little brothers," Quynh said as she looked at the two of them, and she seemed deeply unimpressed by them. Joe couldn't remember his mother's face, but right now, he felt like a teenager getting scolded for taking extra sweets before dinner. "How about this; I'll promise to work on forgiving the two of you for your transgressions against me before Andromache leaves this world if you allow Sebastien to come back home with us. We told you centuries ago that we don't belong alone. I've been alone enough for all of our family." Joe glanced at Booker, who just seemed a little confused, but he also looked at Joe and seemed to say that whatever they decided he would do. He accepted the punishment six months ago without argument and if this was the thing they needed to do to get Quynh to come home.

Joe glanced at Nicky, who was glaring at Booker, looking very much like the avenging angel that Joe once thought of him as on the battlefield. He was the one who couldn't forgive Booker for what happened, and he was the one who argued for a longer sentence or maybe even a permanent one. Quynh reached out and put her hand on Nicky's arm. He blinked, coming back to the present, and looked at the hand on his arm and then at Joe. 

"What do you think, my love?" Joe asked in their language, which he knew that Booker didn't understand and that Quynh appeared to be having a hard time translating. "Do you think we should forgive him?" 

"No," Nicky said, "but maybe we don't have to right away. Maybe we can get there the same way that Quynh will get there when it comes to forgiving us. We need her to come home for Andy's sake and for her own. If that means we must bring Booker home with us, then that's what we'll do." 

"I heard my name and understood every fifth word or so," Quynh said, but she squeezed Nicky's arm. "Did you come to a decision?" 

"Yes," Joe said, and he looked at Booker. "Get up; you're coming home." 

"Joe, you don't need to do this; I understand if you want me to--"

"Apparently, we'll be hypocrites if we don't follow the same advice we're giving Quynh, and 100 years of being a hypocrite sounds like a bit much for my tastes," Joe replied. Quynh pulled out a key and unlocked the second cell. Booker looked at the three of them and slowly pushed himself to his feet. He looked like he'd slept in a gutter outside one of the worst bars in Paris, and there was a chance that was true. 

"I don't forgive you," Nicky said, and Booker flinched like someone had just hit him. "But fortunately, we have all the time in the world to get there." Booker looked a little relieved, and Quynh smiled brightly. It was the first smile Joe had seen on her in centuries, and it left him a little breathless. He couldn't imagine how Andy was going to react when she saw her. 

"I don't forgive you either, for the record," Joe said as they all walked toward the exit. Quynh tossed Joe and Nicky their swords, which they caught easily. 

"Yusuf, you and Nicolo have been speaking for each other for centuries; I highly doubt that has changed," she said. 

+++

Upstairs it was apparent that Quynh had taken everything from Joe and Nicky's car to make sure that no one could figure out who they were. So both of their guns were on the table, the ruined phone, and the few belongings as well. The duffle bag with their clothes in it was covered in broken auto glass, which was going to be a bitch and a half to clean up. Booker frowned as he looked at all of their things. 

"Quynh, did you hit their car?" he asked, and she nodded. "How exactly did you drive?" 

"I picked it up pretty quickly, and I didn't need to get far to hit someone else," Quynh replied. Joe looked over the phone and knew that it was going to be hopeless. He popped the sim card out and turned to Booker. 

"Did you have a phone on you?" Joe asked. Booker went through the small pile of things that Quynk nicked from his pockets and eventually handed Joe the phone. It didn't take long to get the phone up and running, there was a reason they used as basic phones as possible, and he was dialing Andy's number. It rang exactly once before Andy picked up. 

"Where the fuck are you?" she demanded, and Quynh reeled back in horror. She stared at the phone because this was the first time she had heard Andy's voice in centuries. Nicky seemed to realize that Quynh revealing herself over the phone was not the best idea and helped her walk away. 

"We're fine," Joe replied evenly because that was true. "We managed to get away from the person that wanted us, and they won't be a problem again. We even found Booker and freed him too." 

"Hey Andy," Booker said quietly. There was a beat of silence as Andy was probably trying to decide whether or not they were being held against their will. Joe hadn't used any of the code words that they were supposed to use when they were being held under duress, but Andy probably didn't believe them. 

"You're all okay?" she asked carefully, which was her way of asking if all of them were still healing. This was going to become a common question between all of them now that they were reminded of how quickly their immortality could leave them. 

"We're all fine," Joe repeated because he didn't want to say that they were good because they weren't, not really, but that wasn't a matter that could be settled right now. Joe took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I think Booker should come back with us for at least a little while. We don't want to risk someone coming out and grabbing him again until we're sure it's safe."

"Is Nicky okay with that?" Andy asked carefully, and Booker jerked to stare at Nicky like he was surprised that out of all of them, Nicky was the one who wanted him to keep away the longest. Nicky squeezed Quynh's arm and walked over to where Joe and Booker were standing with the phone on speaker.

"I know when to set aside my personal feelings for the greater good," Nicky replied in Italian, and this time both Booker and Quynh flinched. Andy was silent again like she understood the meaning of those words. The truth of the matter was they were being hurt in the name of the greater good again; only this time, it wasn't physical. This time they were forced to come to terms with Booker's betrayal long before either of them was ready for it. However, the look on Quynh's face when she heard Andy's voice over the phone was worth the pain that they were going to go through. Andy told them which safehouse she and Nile were in, and Joe replied that they would try to get there as fast as possible. He hung up just as Quynh walked back over to them. She looked a little dazed. 

"I guess I didn't realize that she would sound the same," Quynh whispered, and she looked like she was about to break down. His strong older sister was so on edge right now, and everything about her was so extreme. It was Booker who reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Quynh tensed for a moment and then relaxed. The four of them stood in silence for a few beats until they grabbed everything in the old jail and went out into the small town that they were currently in. Fortunately, Joe was able to get them a rental car, and from there, it was about a three-hour drive to Andy and Nile. 

Andy spent most of those three hours texting Nicky and asking increasingly frantic questions about who had taken them and what they wanted. Nicky was trying to talk around it and kept telling her that he would explain when they got to the safe house. Joe reached across the car and threaded his fingers through Nicky's, and held on tightly. 

"I'd ask how you both were still like this after nearly a thousand years, but you saw Andromache and me," Quynh said. Booker seemed to realize that Quynh was using their true names and explained what all of them were going by now. Quynh seemed to accept that and nodded when she found out that it was to keep them all safe. Joe didn't let go of Nicky's hand the entire four-hour drive to the safe house and wasn't planning on letting go of him anytime soon. This wasn't going to be easy, but Joe was willing to do worse things to make Andy happy. 

He wasn't surprised that Andy and Nile were waiting outside when they pulled up. Andy had her arms crossed, and she looked deeply unimpressed, probably at the fact that Joe and Nicky managed to get themselves caught again, but Joe thought their track record over a thousand years wasn't that bad, but her entire posture changed when Quynh got out of the car. Joe hadn't seen an expression of raw pain like that on Andy's face since the day they lost Quynh to the ocean. To her credit, Quynh was doing a pretty good job of reading the situation because she approached Andy slowly. 

"Quynh," Andy whispered. 

"Hello, Andromache," Quynh replied. There was a beat of silence, and then the two women were throwing their arms around each other and holding on for dear life. They both collapsed to their knees like they didn't have the strength to remain to stand, but they clung to each other so tightly that Joe wanted to remind Quynh that Andy could be bruised now. They were whispering to each other in a dead language that even Joe didn't recognize, and now was the time to give them some privacy. Joe met Nile's stunned gaze and gestured for her to go back inside. Joe followed her with Nicky and Booker leaving Andy and Quynh outside to reunite. Booker wisely closed the door behind him, and that was the end of Nile's patience on the situation. 

"What the fuck is going on?" she asked. Nicky, much to Joe's surprise, let out a startled laugh and put his hand on Nile's shoulder.

"Let's sit down; this is a conversation best had comfortably," he said. 

+++

Nile was not overly impressed that Quynh poisoned them and threatened to hurt them violently, but Joe wasn't overly surprised about that. She looked like she wanted to ask why they would do that but wisely did not. She also looked almost relieved when they told her that one of Quynh's conditions was that if she had to forgive Andy, they had to work on forgiving Booker because asking that of her but not doing the same was wrong. Joe still hated that condition, and he hated the way Nicky looked tense enough to snap. Fortunately, they were all spared, seeing that when Quynh and Andy walked back into the room. Joe and Nicky got to their feet because Andy was looking at them like they were miracles. 

"Thank you," she whispered and pulled them both into a tight hug. The three of them stood there, wrapped up in each other, for what felt like a long time. Joe could see the tears in Andy's eyes, but he wasn't about to mention them. He had a feeling the three of them would have a long and private conversation eventually but right now wasn't the right time. They all broke apart and got to witness Nile all but threaten Quynh if she ever thought about hurting any of them ever again, which was one of the funniest things Joe had seen in a long time. He thought Quynh would find it funny too, but instead, she nodded solemnly and promised that she wouldn't, which was surprising.

From there, it was a quick phone call to Copely to explain that they were all alive and well and that no one was coming for them as far as they knew. He didn't sound like he believed it, but Andy hung up, and that was the end of that. Nicky stood up and started to make dinner like this was a normal night, and as the minutes went by, the tension in the room started to fade. Everyone began to talk, and Joe watched, out of the corner of his eyes, how Booker didn't reach for his flask. He wasn't reaching for alcohol at all, and he seemed far too distracted by conversation to even think about drinking. That was a first and maybe an indication that Booker was looking to make a fundamental change this time around.  
Nicky liked to cook alone, but Joe saw how tense he was moving around the kitchen. He could only watch it for so long before he needed to go and help him. Joe excused himself from the conversation and made his way over to Nicky. He was practically vibrating with tension, but he relaxed a little when Joe placed a hand on the small of his back. Nicky was trusting and kind but was also the kind of man that had a hard time forgiving people. He said he was fine with Booker coming home, but he wasn't, and Nicky was probably not fine with Quynh after she used that toxin on them. It was a brutal way to die, and Nicky could hold a grudge. 

"Let's step outside," Joe whispered. The food was in the oven and cooking; there was a timer going, and right now, Nicky had spent the last five minutes pretending to be busy, so he had an excuse not to walk over to the table. Nicky looked up and nodded silently. Andy watched them walk toward the front door, but she didn't try to stop them. She seemed to know that this was something they needed to do on their own. The night air was cool, and as soon as the door closed, Nicky took a deep breath and released it. 

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said as they sat down on the steps in front of the door. "I should be relieved or happy, but I'm not." 

"Quynh tried to hurt us, she did hurt us with that toxin, and now we need to forgive her for the sake of Andy. For the sake of Andy, we needed to bring Booker home long before we were ready to see him," Joe replied as he pressed their shoulders together. "It's been a shit year, and too much has happened. It's completely understandable that you're not okay because I'm not okay either." 

"You're sitting there at the table and able to talk to them. I'm not even sure I can do that much," Nicky said. 

"I'm sitting at the table, but I keep looking at the gun nearby or my scimitar in case I need to fight," Joe said with a sigh. "We said after the Merrick thing that we needed a break, but maybe it would be best if the break was just you and me." 

"We only have so much time left with Andy. I don't want to waste it because I can't convince my stupid brain that I'm safe and no one is going to hurt anyone," Nicky replied. "It's never been like this before. We've been taken and cut into for the sake of the greater good or to save the world several times now, and I haven't felt like this since the cross." 

"It's because those people we don't trust are a danger to Andy now," Joe said like it was that simple. "She's not stupid, and she's going to realize we aren't okay sooner rather than later. It's not fair that we taint the time she has left on this world with our issues, which is why we should take a little time to get our heads on straight." Nicky leaned into him, and Joe put his arm around Nicky's shoulder. He placed a soft kiss on the top of Nicky's head, and the two of them sat outside until a timer went off. Nicky visibly pulled himself together and went to go inside but paused at the door. 

"Booker's not drinking," Nicky said.

"He's not," Joe replied, but neither of them really knew what that meant right now. They walked back inside, and Nicky was able to put on a much softer facade for everyone. Joe and Andy were probably the only ones who could see it was a facade, and even Quynh didn't seem to notice. They all ate together as a family, and Nicky pressed their legs together. It was grounding, and it was all that Joe needed. 

+++

It took the two of them a week to tell Andy that they needed some time away from everything. It was hard to admit to her that they needed time when time was no longer on their side. Andy nodded like she was expecting this and got this look in her eye like she was trying to figure out just how long this break of theirs would be. In the past, when they would take breaks, Joe and Nicky would find a place to hide out for a decade because that was how long they could get away with people not noticing that they didn't age. Andy looked rather resigned, like she was expecting them to tell her they needed a decade. 

"A month," Nicky said, and Andy stared at him. "We're going to take a month away, and then we'll be back." 

"A month? That isn't very long. You usually take a couple of years at the very least," Andy replied. 

"We'll be back in a month, boss," Joe said. Andy nodded and seemed to understand what they were doing. There was time to take a longer break sometime down the road but not right now. Right now, they just needed some space to get their heads back on straight. It also meant trusting Nile with Andy for an extended amount of time with two people that Joe and Nicky absolutely did not trust. Andy looked over her shoulder at the scene in the living room where Booker was explaining the football game to Quynh while Nile was trying not to laugh. She gestured for the two of them to follow her into the next room, and Andy closed the door behind them. 

"I wanted to thank you," she said. "I know you two aren't happy about this situation, and I know Quynh didn't leave you much of a choice, but I cannot tell you how much I appreciate having everyone together again." 

"We'd do anything for you, Andy, the same way you'd do anything for us," Nicky replied. 

"But some time would be appreciated," Joe said. "Just promise us you're going to stay close to Nile."

"You don't trust Booker and Quynh, and I'm mortal; I understand why you'd be worried," Andy replied as she looked at them. "A month?" 

"A month," Joe said. They walked back out into the room and explained to everyone that Joe and Nicky would be taking some time to themselves. No one seemed surprised that they would be doing that, but Booker looked surprised when they said it would only be a month. Joe made sure that they had everything they needed and a phone in case someone had to call, but they were going to meet at a safe house in Spain in a month. That was the plan, and Joe was very much looking forward to having some time to relax. They got into the car and drove away that night. 

+++

Malta was the obvious choice, which is why they decided to go there. It was a place that had a lot of good memories for both of them, and it was somewhere where they owned a house and didn't have to worry about being around other people. They pulled up to their home, and Joe breathed in the familiar air; he felt better already. As soon as the doors were closed, he pulled Nicky to him and kissed him slowly and deeply. They just held each other for a long time until the late hour caught up with them, and they collapsed into their bed. Joe pulled Nicky to him, pressed a kiss to his neck and hair, and they slept for the next twelve hours. 

It was nice and something that Joe really needed. The sun was shining bright when he finally woke up, and he could feel Nicky shifting in his arms. Joe held into him a little tighter, which was all the indication that Nicky needed that he was awake. Nicky turned around, so they were facing each other, and they spent the next hour simply touching each other and looking into each other's eyes. 

"I have an idea," Nicky said apropos of nothing. "I think tonight we should build a fire in the firepit outside, get two bottles of wine, get drunk, and make out like we used to." Joe blinked and started to laugh. 

"You know we can just make out whenever we want, right? We could right now, and there isn't anything stopping us," Joe said. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Nicky's lips. 

"Yes, we can and could," Nicky said after they broke apart but had almost no distance between them. "But being around Quynh again has made me sentimental."

"For the days when we were so unsure of how we felt about each other that we needed an excuse just to touch each other?" Joe asked. 

"I don't think we were ever unsure how we felt about each other. I think we just needed some time to come to terms with it," Nicky replied. "It'll be some stupid fun; why not?" 

"The things I do for you," Joe said as he kissed Nicky again. They laid in bed for a few more hours until it was nearly lunchtime, and they had to get up to eat. A quick trip into town and Joe let Nicky pick out the wine that they were going to be drinking. He also bought a bundle of firewood and made sure that they had everything they needed to get a fire going. They had built a firepit on their property years ago, and it was something that they both enjoyed doing every now and then. Nicky made them some lovely dinner, and the sun started to go down. Joe went outside to start up the fire while Nicky came out with two bottles of wine and two sweatshirts in case they got cold. 

"I still don't know why we're doing this," Joe said as he opened the bottles and handed one to Nicky.

"Are you really overthinking this that much?" Nicky asked as he took a drink straight from the bottle. "If we don't need an excuse to make out, then why does it matter if we make one?" Joe still didn't understand exactly why they were doing this, but he toasted Nicky with the bottle of wine and took a drink. Nicky, to his credit, always picked out good wine for them to drink, and if one thing hadn't ever changed in the many centuries they'd been together, it was that they just enjoyed being around each other. 

The fire was warm, and the bottles of wine were slowly going away. Nicky was smiling and laughing as they shared funny stories and the good times from their extremely long life together. Sometimes, the world seemed dark to Joe, but Nicky hunched over and clutching his stomach as he drunkenly laughed over some of the things they got up to during the 1400s was worth every single second of it. His face hurt because he was smiling so much, and it made everything so much better. The wine bottles were almost gone, and Joe was loving life. Nicky had just finished laughing at another story when Joe thought of another time they were drunk, or in that case not drunk, around a fire. 

"Nicolo," Joe said, and Nicky looked up at him. The fire was reflecting in his eyes, and it took Joe's breath away. "Are you drunk?" 

"Yes, Yusuf, I think I am," Nicky replied with a knowing smile. 

"Good, so am I." Joe moved to close the distance between them and kissed Nicky. He tasted like the wine they'd spent the last several hours drinking and the underlying flavor of Nicky that hadn't changed in almost a thousand years. Nicky wrapped his arms around Joe's neck and pulled him down, so they were pressed close with their legs tangled up together. Joe pulled away when he needed to breathe and looked down at Nicky. "Do you know what I was thinking that first night we were finally together?"

"What?" Nicky asked. Joe leaned forward and began to lay soft kisses along Nicky's jawline and eventually made his way to Nicky's neck. 

"I wanted to taste you here. I loved the cut of your jaw, and I couldn't wait to get my mouth on it," Joe whispered into Nicky's ear. Joe traced the shell of Nicky's ear with his tongue, and that was about as much as Nicky could handle with that. Nicky threaded his fingers into Joe's hair and yanked him into another kiss. Much like that same night all of those centuries ago, they were both hard, and they were slowly grinding against each other's legs. The smart thing to do would be to gather Nicky into his arms and bring him inside so they could finish this properly. However, Joe was far too comfortable with Nicky in his arms as they slowly exchanged deep kisses that left him breathless. 

"Do you know what I remember?" Nicky whispered when they had to break apart so they could both catch a breath. "I remember that I wanted to touch you that night, but I wasn't sure if you would let me because we weren't drunk. I remember being so relieved when I could lie and tell you that I was drunk because I couldn't wait to get my hands on you." 

They were both breathing a little harder now as they continued to grind against each other. The jeans weren't exactly comfortable, and while they were on their own property, Joe didn't want to risk anyone seeing them. As it was, this was more out in the open than they had been in a long time, but Joe was far too drunk to care. Nicky's words were making him lightheaded, and he just had to kiss him again. Their movements were getting more and more frantic, and Joe pressed his forehead to Nicky's as they shared the same breath. Joe kept his eyes open, and it still made him breathless to see Nicky come, but it was still one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. He leaned down and buried his face in Nicky's neck just long enough that he followed behind moments late. 

It was even more uncomfortable coming in modern clothes than it was the clothes they wore 900 years ago, but Joe still didn't want to move just yet. He stayed wrapped up in Nicky's arms as they exchanged slow and sleepy kisses.

"We should get married again," Nicky said and, for the second time in this break, took Joe completely by surprise. Joe moved so he was leaning on his elbow and could look down at Nicky.

"Do you want to get married again?" Joe asked, which, in retrospect, was kind of a dumb question because Nicky wouldn't have said he wanted to get married again if he didn't. Nicky was giving him a look that said he was thinking the exact same thing. 

"Yes, I do," Nicky replied, but he hesitated for a moment. "All of our family is together again, and I don't think we could do it right away, but maybe in a decade, after everyone has settled and maybe we're feeling more forgiving, we could get married again with everyone watching us this time." Joe smiled, and he just had to kiss Nicky again. 

"See, this is why everyone thinks you're the sweet one, Nicolo, even though you're just as fucking feral as the rest of us," he said. Nicky smirked, and they stayed on the ground next to the fire, kissing and touching each other until their clothes became far too uncomfortable. They put the fire out but made sure to keep their hands on each other as they stumbled back toward the house. They were both still a little drunk, which was why a washcloth was really all they could handle as far as cleanup went. Joe settled into their warm bed with Nicky in his arms and tried not to think about all of the terrible things that got them here.

The sun was too bright the next morning, and Joe groaned because he was hoping that he wasn't getting some sort of hangover. He had a feeling it was just lack of sleep, and he pulled Nicky closer to him as he tried to go back to sleep. Nicky, however, was already awake and turned around in Joe's arms, so they were facing each other. Nicky reached out and traced Joe's lips with his fingers and then ran his thumbs along Joe's cheekbones before sliding his fingers into Joe's hair. 

"I know you want to ask if I meant it," Nicky said softly. "You want to ask if I meant it when I said I wanted to get married again." 

"Sometimes I think we might know each other too well," Joe deadpanned, but he let Nicky ease him onto his back and look down at him. "You did mean it, I could tell, and I think it's a great idea. We had Andy and Booker at the last one now we'll also have Nile and Quynh at the next one. Maybe we can work on getting Andy and Quynh to finally get married." 

"My love, if we were essentially married long before anywhere made it legal, then Quynh and Andy have been married longer than we've been alive," Nicky replied. Joe huffed a laugh, and they spent the rest of the morning relaxing in bed. Joe didn't want to leave the safety of this room, of their home, but he knew it was only a matter of time. A month was only so long, and they had a lot to come to terms with while they were away. So as much as he hated breaking their peace, they needed to talk about. 

The first time they ever admitted they cared about each other was after Nicky was nailed to a cross in the name of the greater good, and those words seemed to haunt them throughout history. It wasn't just tyrants justifying the slaughter of innocent people, but it was people justifying hurting the two of them. Kozak was one of many, and it was a lesson that kept following them no matter what they did. Booker was part of it, and Quynh was willing to do it until they talked her down. Now they were subjecting themselves to more hurt by denying themselves the chance to get some distance from the people that had hurt them. 

"She looked so happy," Nicky said one night three days before their month was up. "I don't think I've seen Andy that happy in a long time, and I want for that to be enough, but it just isn't. I can't look at Booker without thinking of Kozak taking my heart, and I can't look at Quynh without thinking of that damn venom suffocating us over and over again. I don't know how to forgive them, Yusuf." 

"I don't think any of them are expecting us to forgive them easily," Joe replied. "I think if we try, that will be enough for everyone. I think the fact that we're willing to be in the same room with Booker and Quynh will be enough, and the rest can come after." He took Nicky's hand into his own and began to kiss his knuckles. "I can see it in your eyes, and I know what's going on in that head of yours; you think you're a bad person because you can't force yourself to forgive them. You have never been and never will be a bad person, Nicolo, no matter what that Catholic guilt in the back of your mind might be telling you. And I will keep reminding you that you're a good person until the end of our days." Nicky huffed a laugh and then did some sort of maneuver that had Joe flat on his back, with Nicky pinning him down before he could react. Nicky threaded their fingers together and pinned Joe's hands on the couch as he straddled Joe's waist. 

"If there is one thing I have come to terms with over the centuries, my love, it's that we are not good men," Nicky whispered. "We have more blood on our hands than we can count, we have been involved with terrible atrocities, and we have killed people. A good man wouldn't have killed that doctor in cold blood, but we did. I'm not worried about being good men anymore because I know we're not. I just want to do more good than bad in the world, and to do that, sometimes we need to be bad men." Joe smiled, and Nicky leaned down to kiss him. They weren't good people, Nicky was right about that, but Copely's board did prove that they did more good than harm, and they did try to do the right thing when they could. However, that right thing often came with taking many lives, and it was something that they had to live with. 

"So what's the plan then?" Joe asked when they had to stop kissing to breathe. "Are we just going to go back and pretend everything is fine?" 

"No," Nicky replied, "because Booker and Quynh aren't stupid, and they would know that we were pretending. They both know us too well. What we're going to do is go back, and we're going to try. It's going to hurt like hell, but we're just going to have to try for Andy's sake. We'll do like we planned; we'll deal with any remaining fallout once she leaves us. Until then, we should consider the matter on hold." 

"And if either of them betrays us again?" Joe asked. Nicky moved back just enough so they could look in each other's eyes, and he smiled. It was that smile Nicky got when he was about to pull the trigger on his sniper rifle against a man that really deserved it. It was the look he sometimes got when they were about to go into another fight. 

"As we've established, my love, we're not good men. I think we can figure out a way to deal with that should it come up, but something makes me think they won't step out of line," Nicky said. Joe had to laugh as he freed his hands from Nicky's grasp and pulled him down into another kiss. Each life that they took weighed heavily on them, but they couldn't live as long as they did without developing some sense of normalcy. Nicky still had that kind heart that Joe loved so deeply about him, but Nicky was also a man with a fury that burned bright as the sun. Quynh and Booker both knew that and they knew that both of them were not to be taken lightly. 

+++

They pulled up to the safehouse a month later, and Andy came out to greet them. She smiled, and she looked so happy that Joe almost felt like he had to look away from it. He took her into his arms and spun her around as he lifted her off of her feet. Andy laughed and hung onto him tightly. There were empires that he would burn to the ground to hear that laugh and to see that smile. Joe got their bags as Nicky also hugged Andy tightly, and the three of them walked back into the safehouse. Nile looked up when they came through the door, and she grinned. Joe could tell that she wanted a hug, and he was more than willing to give it to her. Nicky laughed softly as he watched them, and Joe saw him watching Booker and Quynh. 

Neither of them stood up to greet them, but they both nodded politely, and that was about the best any of them could hope for. Nicky cooked for all of them and kicked everyone out of the kitchen, including Joe, and insisted they all wait until the food was ready. Nicky served them all, and Joe could see that while his smile was a little forced, he was trying, and Andy just looked pleased to see them. Nicky sat down next to Joe, and he pressed their legs together. Nicky reached under the table and squeezed his hand. Everyone at the table was talking, they were smiling, they were laughing, and the atmosphere felt lighter than it had in centuries. Joe squeezed Nicky's hand a little tighter and looked at him. 

This time getting hurt in the name of a greater good felt worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> See me get on my bullshit on [Tumblr](https://safaiagem.tumblr.com/)


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